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A long rave

A long rave

Edit Feb 2018: This thread has evolved into a chat thread, which is fine by me. In addition, I encourage other members to feel free to post their own 'long raves' in here too if wished. I will continue to post my own longer raves from time to time, as well as chat with friends along the way.

Original post from May 2016:

First of all, a (very) long post alert. Please don't feel obliged to read or respond. Mainly I am writing today to clear my own head of some things. So, here goes...

Last week, I managed to get to all planned appointments and activities every day of the week except Sunday. That only amounts to one, maximum two, per day, but was an improvement on previous weeks and months. I've made all planned appointments in a week before, but there have not been so many appointments in so many days consecutively. Many of you will know that, prior to about mid last year, I spent years very rarely leaving the flat. This was since the last of my breakdowns from paid employment in 2008 (one of so many similar breakdowns from paid working, though none as devastating in consequence as this last one). With each of these breakdowns, the recovery time got longer and longer. It's taken eight years to recover much at all this time around.

This week, so far, I've made none of my appointments or activities. In fact, I've not showered for days. Embarrassing to admit but maybe helpful to own up to it. As I write I'm still in what I wore to bed, as I was all day yesterday and the day before. The weird thing is that I don't feel that bad in my emotions, just crashed out physically and lacking almost all motivation except to use the computer. In other words, my mind and fingertips are alert and active, in fact nervy and overactive as usual, but the rest of me is crashed out. Perhaps I have entered what some people call a bipolar 'mixed state'. Whatever the terminology, this is where I am and I've been here so many times before.

The way I see it, there are a number of possible reasons for the way I am after last week:

  • inner conflict about how helpful my psychologist treatment is for me (saw her on Friday);
  • trying to further reduce my tobacco intake (the struggle seems disproportionately huge and exhausting);
  • needing recovery time from a big week (by my standards);
  • simply another manifestation of bipolar disorder in me.

Regarding the psychologist. She is young compared to me and I have the feeling that she may not grasp the full extent of my situation, partly through lack of life experience. Perhaps she may particularly lack an understanding of the various physical ailments that complicate things with me, some age-related (menopause, musculo-skeletal problems), one of them a chronic illness (crohns disease). She is treating me with some techniques from Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, something I honestly have never liked the sound of when I've read about it. The main 'homework' I have for this four week period is a sheet I am meant to fill out every night covering various things including tobacco use, coffee intake, isolating, unbalance eating, sleep patterns, lack of exercise. The sheet also includes sections monitoring mood every day. The problem I find is that monitoring and (by implication) tackling all these things at once is just overwhelming. I am significantly depressed after filling out the form because it seems to highlight all the ways I am failing rather than the ways I am succeeding. The psychologist has given me this sheet as homework once before and it had the same effect on me then. A full month long slump into depression is what followed. This sheet makes me feel very pressured to recover quickly from all of these things at once, a message that contradicts the advice of my psychiatrist (who I trust much more). His advice is to take it slowly and steadily and not feel rushed. As of yesterday, I stopped using the DBT form altogether. I am even considering giving up on the therapy with this psychologist after my next (sixth) session instead of seeing it through to the ten sessions my GP is willing to refer me for.

With the difficulty of further tobacco reduction, I am succeeding in reducing this a little more but the effort is gargantuan and seems to be sapping all the strength I have for making it out the door to my activities and appointments (or even to get dressed and showered). Writing here is just about the only thing that is distracting me from smoking again or thinking about it obsessively.

I've run out of steam on writing about it all now (a huge sigh of relief from any readers at this point).

I wonder if anyone else can make any sense of this.

27230 replies

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In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

I had a feeling that the plans thing might be a little like that for you @Mazarita. Gently stretching your comfort zone is a great approach I think. Air travel - that is HUGE! That would be an enormous deal in my world. March is a great time to visit Vic I think. Not too hot (hopefully) but before the really cold starts creeping in. Will you be there for a while?

I am big fan of goals and planning in lots of ways so I have a long list. A bit like you maybe, my list is causing me some anxiety also as there is something that could throw everything out (it's to do with him) that I feel is a definite possibility. I guess I just have to chip away at it all and know I can't do anymore than try maybe. Study, a back and shoulder tattoo I have had planned for years, and rainbow boots are on my list 😄 I would love to take the kids away too, even for a few days. We'll see 🙂

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@CheerBear, ah, that sounds a bit tricky, to like the plan-making but feeling some fear of a possible interference to plans. I'm sorry this is even a factor in your life. The other plans sound groovy. Study, wow, that's going to be great. Hope you get your holiday with the LF.

I haven't been south for about two years, before that it was every year for many years prior. Even in my most withdrawn stage I somehow managed to throw things in a suitcase and go visit mum. The trip definitely takes me out of my comfort zone, and I often experience high anxiety (that I do my best to cover in social situations). But when I get home I feel energised for the effort usually. I didn't go last year because mum came up here instead. But yeah, two years means a bit of extra resistance has built up. But I plan to overcome it once again. I'll be there for 19 days.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

It's so frustrating @Mazarita, but part of life for me at the moment. I asked my psych how long they thought it would be that I would have to think about things like this (planning for plans to be thrown by someone, safety planning, 'hiding' out etc) and their answer was 10 plus years (until the littlest is quite big). Big ugh and ouch! Hopefully I will be able to get to work before retirement age 😛

I can see how missing your trip last year would make it a little harder to get there this year. 19 days is quite a while, but I suppose you'd want to make it worth it if it's not something you do very often. I feel excited (and nervous!) about this coming up for you! Go you for pushing yourself to do it. Very much looking forward to hearing about it 🙂

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

That is sobering news, @CheerBear. I feel for you that it has to be that way.

19 days is so I can also make a side trip to the country to visit a long-time and dear friend, as well as catch up maybe more than once with some friends and cousins. And so that I can keep things from spinning me out, going slower than others would to do things, and to have 'times out' at my mum's place, because it is pretty much on the cards I'll need daytime naps between things to get through it all. I also plan to ask my psychiatrist for some medicinal help with the anxiety, which he has prescribed before these trips before.

I'm really looking forward to hearing your study adventure! It's social work you are studying?

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Planning for a slowish pace and some time outs sounds really sensible @Mazarita 🙂

My study is/was similar to Social Work, though I wouldn't be a social worker without extra study. It's a pathway as I still wasn't quite sure what I wanted to do with my study. Whether I ever get to being an accredited social worker, I don't know. The lived experience is not something people can get through book study so I am thinking that I might find a way to finish the tiny amount of my degree left and use my experience. I realised it's awesome to be super goal directed, until storms happen and goals get crushed and need to change, so I am working on being flexible now 😛

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

The area of study sounds wonderful, @CheerBear, regardless of post-study outcome. It's the journey that matters. But, anything that involves 'lived experience', you would be great at, I think. Flexibility is a good plan this year. I could do with more of that too.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Thanks @Mazarita 🙂

Flexibility and balance - two very difficult things for me to get to but two that I think are likely to help a lot!

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hmm, yes, balance. Same here on the need for it, but difficulty of being it, @CheerBear.

Good morning, @frog. Happy first day of a new year.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Morning ladies .....

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

woops its afternoon already

Hope you got your coffee @Faith-and-Hope

@MazaritaLovely you are coming down south. I remember your last trip to see your mum, but it has been a while. Wish we could meet up one day, but c'e la vie.

Your talk about planning resonated with me. I sometimes stress by how much is on to do list and have gradually learned to be flexible about transferring stuff not yet done ... to a new list.

When I started on the forum I did not have much sense of future dreaming. I just could not do that before but connecting online has helped open a space in my pressure of "duties" to be a bit more relaxed about what I actually would like.

@CheerBearGo for it re study. Lots of women start their professional work late in life cos ... yes ... funny that ... they needed to take a lot of time rearing their bubs. It takes as long as it takes. Chip away. Not kidding anyone. Who knows where it will lead, just go with the flow of how much you can manage surrounded in your lovely tropical reef with beatiful fish ... mixed metaphors ... but them maybe that is super wise ... as the nest is for you to recuperate. Get essay extensions. Children usually benefit from mothers who are educated. Blind faith can do a lot but ignorance has a way of tripping us all up.

Llived experience and training make a pwerful combo.

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