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A long rave

A long rave

Edit Feb 2018: This thread has evolved into a chat thread, which is fine by me. In addition, I encourage other members to feel free to post their own 'long raves' in here too if wished. I will continue to post my own longer raves from time to time, as well as chat with friends along the way.

Original post from May 2016:

First of all, a (very) long post alert. Please don't feel obliged to read or respond. Mainly I am writing today to clear my own head of some things. So, here goes...

Last week, I managed to get to all planned appointments and activities every day of the week except Sunday. That only amounts to one, maximum two, per day, but was an improvement on previous weeks and months. I've made all planned appointments in a week before, but there have not been so many appointments in so many days consecutively. Many of you will know that, prior to about mid last year, I spent years very rarely leaving the flat. This was since the last of my breakdowns from paid employment in 2008 (one of so many similar breakdowns from paid working, though none as devastating in consequence as this last one). With each of these breakdowns, the recovery time got longer and longer. It's taken eight years to recover much at all this time around.

This week, so far, I've made none of my appointments or activities. In fact, I've not showered for days. Embarrassing to admit but maybe helpful to own up to it. As I write I'm still in what I wore to bed, as I was all day yesterday and the day before. The weird thing is that I don't feel that bad in my emotions, just crashed out physically and lacking almost all motivation except to use the computer. In other words, my mind and fingertips are alert and active, in fact nervy and overactive as usual, but the rest of me is crashed out. Perhaps I have entered what some people call a bipolar 'mixed state'. Whatever the terminology, this is where I am and I've been here so many times before.

The way I see it, there are a number of possible reasons for the way I am after last week:

  • inner conflict about how helpful my psychologist treatment is for me (saw her on Friday);
  • trying to further reduce my tobacco intake (the struggle seems disproportionately huge and exhausting);
  • needing recovery time from a big week (by my standards);
  • simply another manifestation of bipolar disorder in me.

Regarding the psychologist. She is young compared to me and I have the feeling that she may not grasp the full extent of my situation, partly through lack of life experience. Perhaps she may particularly lack an understanding of the various physical ailments that complicate things with me, some age-related (menopause, musculo-skeletal problems), one of them a chronic illness (crohns disease). She is treating me with some techniques from Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, something I honestly have never liked the sound of when I've read about it. The main 'homework' I have for this four week period is a sheet I am meant to fill out every night covering various things including tobacco use, coffee intake, isolating, unbalance eating, sleep patterns, lack of exercise. The sheet also includes sections monitoring mood every day. The problem I find is that monitoring and (by implication) tackling all these things at once is just overwhelming. I am significantly depressed after filling out the form because it seems to highlight all the ways I am failing rather than the ways I am succeeding. The psychologist has given me this sheet as homework once before and it had the same effect on me then. A full month long slump into depression is what followed. This sheet makes me feel very pressured to recover quickly from all of these things at once, a message that contradicts the advice of my psychiatrist (who I trust much more). His advice is to take it slowly and steadily and not feel rushed. As of yesterday, I stopped using the DBT form altogether. I am even considering giving up on the therapy with this psychologist after my next (sixth) session instead of seeing it through to the ten sessions my GP is willing to refer me for.

With the difficulty of further tobacco reduction, I am succeeding in reducing this a little more but the effort is gargantuan and seems to be sapping all the strength I have for making it out the door to my activities and appointments (or even to get dressed and showered). Writing here is just about the only thing that is distracting me from smoking again or thinking about it obsessively.

I've run out of steam on writing about it all now (a huge sigh of relief from any readers at this point).

I wonder if anyone else can make any sense of this.

27230 replies

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In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

I love imagining you crocheting, @CheerBear. What a calming, steadying influence it seems to have on your life. And how beautiful the handiwork.

As it's getting to 'D-Day' for my friend, the interpersonal vibe between us is getting a bit more difficult for us sometimes too. I have had to draw boundaries on where I can and can't help. But she is so in need that she seems to half expect me and C to do it all for her. She's spending a lot of time worrying and planning and avoiding, and not much actually doing anything for herself at the moment. But I feel so guilty thinking that way, feeling so badly for her as I do. Gah, I'm not good with these things sometimes.

But believe it or not, I am trying to improve my mood by writing all this here. Thank you so much for listening. It's not easy to hear either.

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

So conflicting and tricky for @Mazarita. Sometimes I feel really frustrated when I am doing some doing with/for someone who doesn't seem to be willing or able to do that doing themselves, but then guilty for feeling like that also. You have insight and wisdom, and it sounds like you're doing as much as you can while trying to look after you too, which is not at all easy.

Hearing stories like this one makes me want to get out there and do what I can to change things like this. I really believe stories need to be heard, for lots of reasons and this is another story that reflects just how much things need to change.

I hope it's helped to put it here. As I'm sure you've heard me say (about a bazillion times) it helps me to get it out here too 💗

Will keep crossing everything for you and your friend and waiting to hear some good news hopefully soon.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Thanks, @CheerBear. You have helped a lot, being here, listening while I unravelled some of my tricky feelings. Thank you for understanding too, and for your good wishes and crossed everythings. The time may have arrived for me to head back towards bed now. Hope you enjoy your day.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Good morning @Mazarita and @CheerBear. I've not long been awake after an extra couple of naps this morning. Very peaceful here.

I hear your concerns @Mazarita. I don't think you need to feel guilty about your friend not having a place yet, not at all. You have done all you could and more throughout this journey of hers. It's important to remain able to meet your own needs while helping another. To keep focussed on your balance and self-management. I know from past experience how we can get so involved in another's needs that our own well-being suffers. Take care, thinking of you

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

I usually feel crappy (anxious and depressed) when I wake up @Mazarita but it tends to improve as the day goes on. Headache wise, I get tension headaches which sometimes turn into migraines, which apart from the pain and nausea is not good because the drugs don't mix with the rest of them and I inevitably wipe myself out for at least 24 hours. This one is not of the might-turn-into-a-migraine variety, however, which is good news!

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hey @CheerBear it's always good to hear from you. I also in one of those 'need to find things to do but also find ways to chill too.' Feel like I doing neither right now. Sigh. I will probably finish my oiling the deck project today, if I don't run out of oil. This evening I am going to a movie, which I hope will be a good escape. Hope your day is going well and you do get some back yard relaxation.

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Good morning @Mazarita @CheerBear @frog @eth and anyone else who is around ....

I haven’t ventured beyond the four walls of my room yet. Think I am going to have to make a NewYears resolution to pull my sleep hours back into line ......

Thinking of going to visit my Dad in the country next week.

Sorry to hear the stresses you are going through with your friend @Mazarita ...... and I hope it settles quickly from next week and the hen’s tooth is found ..... they do exist ..... it takes that elusive aligning of right time and place ......

Best wishes for a speedy recovery if that headache, and achey feelings @frog ..... and happy boxing day relaxing to you all, hopefully.

💜💐

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@eth, sounds good, the peace at your place. Have all visitors gone home now? How was your xmas? Thanks for your sensible words about my involvement in my friend's crisis. You have been reminding me all along to make sure I take care of my own mental and physical health in the midst of this, and I appreciate it.

@frog, I'm often at my worst early in the day too (depression and extremely low energy). Like you, things often improve over the course of a day, a blessing in its way. I've only recently started taking migraine medication, before that was just weathering the extreme pain and vomiting on the occasions they arose. I know what you mean about how the med knocks you out the next day (even the day after I felt effects of it). Seems worth it to avoid the migraine sickness though. Glad to hear today's for you is not one of those headaches though.

Hi @Faith-and-Hope, it's a housing crisis on the GC at present in the lead up to the Commonwealth Games. But, yes, even then there is hope. You getting away on your own to visit your dad sounds like a good plan, hope it works out and goes well.

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Thanks @Mazarita 💕

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hi @Mazarita yes the visitors left this morning. I didn't see them today as I slept longer than usual - possibly because more alcohol over the previous 2 days than usual. Very yummy dinner on xmas eve, bbq prawns and vegies with pinot noir (light red wine). Excellent lunch on xmas day - fresh fish BBQd, roast pork, home-cured ham, beautiful roast potato, fennel, apple, pear and onion, and a couple of really good salads. White wine and bubbly with lunch, blood orange cointreau with a gorgeous home made pudding in the evening - all the xmas trimmings and left overs for lunch today. It was really nice having a quiet xmas with family (only 5 of us) after so many years in the north by myself and not bothering at all.

Hope today has been kind to you and any others around at this time. I'm still feeling dozy and will probably have an early night. Reading another book by Christos Tsiolkas called Merciless Gods - short stories it's hard to put down.

Hope you're feeling better @frog.

Nice to hear from you @Faith-and-Hope

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