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A long rave

A long rave

Edit Feb 2018: This thread has evolved into a chat thread, which is fine by me. In addition, I encourage other members to feel free to post their own 'long raves' in here too if wished. I will continue to post my own longer raves from time to time, as well as chat with friends along the way.

Original post from May 2016:

First of all, a (very) long post alert. Please don't feel obliged to read or respond. Mainly I am writing today to clear my own head of some things. So, here goes...

Last week, I managed to get to all planned appointments and activities every day of the week except Sunday. That only amounts to one, maximum two, per day, but was an improvement on previous weeks and months. I've made all planned appointments in a week before, but there have not been so many appointments in so many days consecutively. Many of you will know that, prior to about mid last year, I spent years very rarely leaving the flat. This was since the last of my breakdowns from paid employment in 2008 (one of so many similar breakdowns from paid working, though none as devastating in consequence as this last one). With each of these breakdowns, the recovery time got longer and longer. It's taken eight years to recover much at all this time around.

This week, so far, I've made none of my appointments or activities. In fact, I've not showered for days. Embarrassing to admit but maybe helpful to own up to it. As I write I'm still in what I wore to bed, as I was all day yesterday and the day before. The weird thing is that I don't feel that bad in my emotions, just crashed out physically and lacking almost all motivation except to use the computer. In other words, my mind and fingertips are alert and active, in fact nervy and overactive as usual, but the rest of me is crashed out. Perhaps I have entered what some people call a bipolar 'mixed state'. Whatever the terminology, this is where I am and I've been here so many times before.

The way I see it, there are a number of possible reasons for the way I am after last week:

  • inner conflict about how helpful my psychologist treatment is for me (saw her on Friday);
  • trying to further reduce my tobacco intake (the struggle seems disproportionately huge and exhausting);
  • needing recovery time from a big week (by my standards);
  • simply another manifestation of bipolar disorder in me.

Regarding the psychologist. She is young compared to me and I have the feeling that she may not grasp the full extent of my situation, partly through lack of life experience. Perhaps she may particularly lack an understanding of the various physical ailments that complicate things with me, some age-related (menopause, musculo-skeletal problems), one of them a chronic illness (crohns disease). She is treating me with some techniques from Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, something I honestly have never liked the sound of when I've read about it. The main 'homework' I have for this four week period is a sheet I am meant to fill out every night covering various things including tobacco use, coffee intake, isolating, unbalance eating, sleep patterns, lack of exercise. The sheet also includes sections monitoring mood every day. The problem I find is that monitoring and (by implication) tackling all these things at once is just overwhelming. I am significantly depressed after filling out the form because it seems to highlight all the ways I am failing rather than the ways I am succeeding. The psychologist has given me this sheet as homework once before and it had the same effect on me then. A full month long slump into depression is what followed. This sheet makes me feel very pressured to recover quickly from all of these things at once, a message that contradicts the advice of my psychiatrist (who I trust much more). His advice is to take it slowly and steadily and not feel rushed. As of yesterday, I stopped using the DBT form altogether. I am even considering giving up on the therapy with this psychologist after my next (sixth) session instead of seeing it through to the ten sessions my GP is willing to refer me for.

With the difficulty of further tobacco reduction, I am succeeding in reducing this a little more but the effort is gargantuan and seems to be sapping all the strength I have for making it out the door to my activities and appointments (or even to get dressed and showered). Writing here is just about the only thing that is distracting me from smoking again or thinking about it obsessively.

I've run out of steam on writing about it all now (a huge sigh of relief from any readers at this point).

I wonder if anyone else can make any sense of this.

27230 replies

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In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@saturnzoon, no wonder you are tired, thats a very late night/morning for you both. Hope you can get some naps in today if needed.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hi @Former-Member One of the hardest things for me over the years has been working out what events happened in what order, where I was and when, that sort of thing. It's only quite recently that I've come to understand just how much trauma messes with memory processes. It's not as simple as just dissociating during an event, it happens in all sorts of ways. And recovering some of it can be super painful. Especially when the recently acquired memories contradict the story we have known for many years. For me it's been like walking around with a bag full of jumbled jigsaw pieces and not even knowing if I had all the pieces. All I can say now when I get confused trying to fit recently accessed memories into my lifeline is that there are some things I'll never know and I just have to accept that. It's not easy but for me it is a fact of life. I can only spend so much of my life ruled by trying to make sense of all the past events, beyond that it's really time for me to move forward at least in baby steps and work towards a better future, which I can see you are also doing. Hopefully getting to aqua class tonight will help you get back into the present moment for a while. Water tai chi does that for me.

Hi also to @Gazza75 and @saturnzoon

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@eth

Yes ur right.

The memories just wont return

I forced myself to do some piano & it helped me regain focus. I was fine doing lollipop job this arvo so ill b fine at aqua.

When ur in that state u kinda have to push yourself to do something to help bring u back to present time hey.

Its not too hot here doing lollipop duty. Most of the time theres a breeze.

Think itll just b feb thats the hottest & most humid here.being close to the ocean will always be handy tho. Nothing like a free dip

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Glad to hear your day improved @Former-Member Well done getting through it. I try to tell myself that when I have no choice but to do the hard yards it is less likely I'll have to do them again. If that makes sense.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@eth

Yeah it was probably closure in a sense. Cause theres nothing more i can do about it now.the claims r submitted. End of story.ill either get compensated or not.

This is funny but very sad too. Theres an old fellow here that got knocked down on his first day working as a lollipop guy. Think life was a bit harsh in letting him know he had applied for the wrong job.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hi @eth

Will check that Renee Eaves reference. Think it is important for me too.

Thx

@saturnzoon @Gazza75

@Former-Member

I am glad your lollypop work helped, and hope piano and aqua did as well.

Your story was very brave and I have lot of feeling responses to it. I cannot unpack it all now, but wanted to send a BIG HUG. It cannot take away your trauma or the abuse and then the denials. It is so difficult to speak out.

Singing is one way I continue to honour my voice.

Take Care

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hi @Appleblossom Hope you are well today. I should have thought to tell you about Renee Eaves too. She seems to be a very fired up advocate. She's been in the media in Queensland a bit this week with a couple of court rulings happening. If you just google her you will see some of it. She was to talk with our womens group this week but will now be in court that day but we will def catch up with her at some stage. So instead I've been asked to co-facilitate a discussion about recognition and recovery from abuse. Quite a challenge and I'm surprised I'm not feeling more nervous about it. Going over my course material from the living beyond abuse course I did 2 years ago has really helped me to see how far I've come in that time. We're planning to spend the last 1/2 hour or so doing a grounding breath exercise (thanks @Zoe7 ) and talking about all the self-nurturing activities we do. And finish with giving people a comprehensive set of contacts to use if they are still suffering or in abusive situations or want to take legal action.

Don't stop singing it up and using your voice lady. I really admire your skills. Doing this is a way for me to speak out and hopefully put the experiences I've had to some positive purpose.

Take care xx

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Good Morning ravers 🙂

@Appleblossom @Former-Member @eth @saturnzoon

Hope you all have a nice day. Weather is nice here and I will be trying to get out for a few strolls. Not much going on for Me, dreaming of taking a holiday or career break. Feeling a bit over work.

Sad about my brother, I don't hear from him anymore, he doesn't get back to me very quickly these days. He hardly ever visits my parents and when I see him I see a broken man and someone that's a shadow of who he was.

We/he are so lucky he is going as well as he is, but, its still a bitter pill to swallow.

Take care 🙂

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Appleblossom

Thanks it certainly was a big process i had to go thru.

Finding a psychiatrist, trialling meds, getting written statement from psychiatrist of diagnosis, getting in touch with my mother i hadnt spoken to for 16yrs to ask for witness statement, trying to get witness statement from ex fiance. Writing the story of what happened

Doing all that triggered me upset me many times.

Its done now tho.

Piano did help. I was a bit quiet at aqua not meaning to b tho. A lady came over & asked if i was ok. Must have shown.

Im just a bit flat thats all.

Its hard to address something that u fought when u were 19 & didnt get heard. Thats why it was hard.

Didnt think anyone would take it seriously cause no1 did back then.

People react so strongly to it now tho.

Isnt it strange how peoples reactions have changed over the yrs.

Yes look up renee

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Gazza75

Must b hard to watch someone very close change.

I cant say ive experienced it cause ive never known anyone for long.

I left my family cause they kept hurting me.

Ive moved so much ive never known anyone for long.

However im starting to c a lot of people sad because their loved ones r dying or very sick.

Seems to really drain them. Possibly cause theres nothing they can do to help

Ur thoughts r towards him that matters

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