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A long rave

A long rave

Edit Feb 2018: This thread has evolved into a chat thread, which is fine by me. In addition, I encourage other members to feel free to post their own 'long raves' in here too if wished. I will continue to post my own longer raves from time to time, as well as chat with friends along the way.

Original post from May 2016:

First of all, a (very) long post alert. Please don't feel obliged to read or respond. Mainly I am writing today to clear my own head of some things. So, here goes...

Last week, I managed to get to all planned appointments and activities every day of the week except Sunday. That only amounts to one, maximum two, per day, but was an improvement on previous weeks and months. I've made all planned appointments in a week before, but there have not been so many appointments in so many days consecutively. Many of you will know that, prior to about mid last year, I spent years very rarely leaving the flat. This was since the last of my breakdowns from paid employment in 2008 (one of so many similar breakdowns from paid working, though none as devastating in consequence as this last one). With each of these breakdowns, the recovery time got longer and longer. It's taken eight years to recover much at all this time around.

This week, so far, I've made none of my appointments or activities. In fact, I've not showered for days. Embarrassing to admit but maybe helpful to own up to it. As I write I'm still in what I wore to bed, as I was all day yesterday and the day before. The weird thing is that I don't feel that bad in my emotions, just crashed out physically and lacking almost all motivation except to use the computer. In other words, my mind and fingertips are alert and active, in fact nervy and overactive as usual, but the rest of me is crashed out. Perhaps I have entered what some people call a bipolar 'mixed state'. Whatever the terminology, this is where I am and I've been here so many times before.

The way I see it, there are a number of possible reasons for the way I am after last week:

  • inner conflict about how helpful my psychologist treatment is for me (saw her on Friday);
  • trying to further reduce my tobacco intake (the struggle seems disproportionately huge and exhausting);
  • needing recovery time from a big week (by my standards);
  • simply another manifestation of bipolar disorder in me.

Regarding the psychologist. She is young compared to me and I have the feeling that she may not grasp the full extent of my situation, partly through lack of life experience. Perhaps she may particularly lack an understanding of the various physical ailments that complicate things with me, some age-related (menopause, musculo-skeletal problems), one of them a chronic illness (crohns disease). She is treating me with some techniques from Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, something I honestly have never liked the sound of when I've read about it. The main 'homework' I have for this four week period is a sheet I am meant to fill out every night covering various things including tobacco use, coffee intake, isolating, unbalance eating, sleep patterns, lack of exercise. The sheet also includes sections monitoring mood every day. The problem I find is that monitoring and (by implication) tackling all these things at once is just overwhelming. I am significantly depressed after filling out the form because it seems to highlight all the ways I am failing rather than the ways I am succeeding. The psychologist has given me this sheet as homework once before and it had the same effect on me then. A full month long slump into depression is what followed. This sheet makes me feel very pressured to recover quickly from all of these things at once, a message that contradicts the advice of my psychiatrist (who I trust much more). His advice is to take it slowly and steadily and not feel rushed. As of yesterday, I stopped using the DBT form altogether. I am even considering giving up on the therapy with this psychologist after my next (sixth) session instead of seeing it through to the ten sessions my GP is willing to refer me for.

With the difficulty of further tobacco reduction, I am succeeding in reducing this a little more but the effort is gargantuan and seems to be sapping all the strength I have for making it out the door to my activities and appointments (or even to get dressed and showered). Writing here is just about the only thing that is distracting me from smoking again or thinking about it obsessively.

I've run out of steam on writing about it all now (a huge sigh of relief from any readers at this point).

I wonder if anyone else can make any sense of this.

27230 replies

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In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Faith-and-Hope
He seems to be acting immature in the form of communication. im sorry that he is and that he more then likely doesn't see it that way. Im sure that would make it so tricky and frustrating for you and kids too.
Maybe this scare will help him see there is a problem and that he needs help for it..... but possibly not as the tests come back clear so didn't highlight the issue.
Gentle hugs and ❤💙

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

being organised sounds like a good idea @eth a presentation on that topic sounds quite tricky esp with the other challenges like low vision people but im sure youll do great and help many too.
recovery atm is going ok, today is seeming a little better so far.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Thanks a lot @outlander . One of the other women is going to meet up with me earlier before the actual session, so we can get clear about who's going to handle which parts. She will most likely do the self-nurturing and grounding exercise the last 1/2 hr or so.

Glad to her you're feeling in a little less pain at least. Soup, soup, soup .... if you want some interesting recipes let me know xx

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Thanks @eth @outlander .... a diagnosis would be the beginning of a new round / level of chaos, but his overall health and well-being is dependent on it I think, if he can be reached and if he is then prepared to be “treatment compliant”. The way things stand at the moment I have no validation within this scenario, other than the truth of the way he is living, which is carefully concealed in some aspects, and supported by societal influences in others.

The mountain was always going to get steeper to climb, and I suspect that some people I have turned to for support are communicating with him around me, perhaps even convinced that I am being delusional ..... which doesn’t wash, because the kids have witnessed the same things I have. I can’t do much about that either - just hold to the truth and persevere with what I believe is the right thing to do.

The mountain was was always going to get steeper to climb, and it will all come to light eventually anyway. That is when it will show up who was enableing, who was supporting, who was playing both sides, who was distancing themselves, etc.

Thanks for listening. It means the world.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

I feel for you deeply @Faith-and-Hope

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Thanks @eth 🙏

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

sounds like you are both well organised @eth a catch up before hand just to be sure sounds like a great idea!
the pain was easier but its flared off more now since theres tension in the house again.
im trying out a milkshake today and then a soup/puree later tonight if I can stomach it. I may take you up on your recipies soon!

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hearing you @Faith-and-Hope
So so tough and an invalidating environment to be in. I just hope the mountain doesn't get to steep before the light at the end of the tunnel starts to show. i hope those people who you've turned to for support aren't doing what you suspect, that really is so tough. you deserve to have people and supports whom you can trust.
❤❤❤❤

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@outlander Good to hear you around the forums and that today is a little better.

Hugs

@Faith-and-Hope Wayward Hubby has been lucky. Unfortunately a lot of men think it is alright to take wives for granted (that goes the other way as well). Holding goodwill and being able to function with hostility in the home is so hard, very wearing and demanding a lot of emotional work, being able to shield oneself and step around the traps. Sad for you and sending strength.

It makes me reflective of the changes and demands on family relationships in the modern world.

All we can do is keep trying.

Hugs

@Meowmy

Hey Bella. Great to see you too. We all have a unique story and you are doing well to front up to work in spite of it all. Paid work is not a thing for me atm, partly because money and effort was being wasted and I gradually let it all go. I keep making plans and getting involved to the best of my ability and disability.

Hugs

@eth

Lovely to read your long post.

You are very social compared to a few years ago. I am going to work with "workers" to help engage more as I am tired of putting out energy, others benfitting and being misunderstood and given the flick. I am sensitive and that should not always be a bad thing. Seeing it as part of my old sink or swim training from early childhood, whereas working with connections in a gentle way may have a better long term outcome. We'll see.

I saw lots of lovely people on the weekend. It helps to remember the positives. Some of the people in my more conservative circles are thankful of being able to share more of their thoughts about current climates issues with me, as they seemed afraid to be totally honest, or just being socially careful ....

Cheers ALL

@eudemonism @Bunniekins @TAB @MDT

and any others following along.

Have as good a day as possible!

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Thanks @eth

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