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A long rave

A long rave

Edit Feb 2018: This thread has evolved into a chat thread, which is fine by me. In addition, I encourage other members to feel free to post their own 'long raves' in here too if wished. I will continue to post my own longer raves from time to time, as well as chat with friends along the way.

Original post from May 2016:

First of all, a (very) long post alert. Please don't feel obliged to read or respond. Mainly I am writing today to clear my own head of some things. So, here goes...

Last week, I managed to get to all planned appointments and activities every day of the week except Sunday. That only amounts to one, maximum two, per day, but was an improvement on previous weeks and months. I've made all planned appointments in a week before, but there have not been so many appointments in so many days consecutively. Many of you will know that, prior to about mid last year, I spent years very rarely leaving the flat. This was since the last of my breakdowns from paid employment in 2008 (one of so many similar breakdowns from paid working, though none as devastating in consequence as this last one). With each of these breakdowns, the recovery time got longer and longer. It's taken eight years to recover much at all this time around.

This week, so far, I've made none of my appointments or activities. In fact, I've not showered for days. Embarrassing to admit but maybe helpful to own up to it. As I write I'm still in what I wore to bed, as I was all day yesterday and the day before. The weird thing is that I don't feel that bad in my emotions, just crashed out physically and lacking almost all motivation except to use the computer. In other words, my mind and fingertips are alert and active, in fact nervy and overactive as usual, but the rest of me is crashed out. Perhaps I have entered what some people call a bipolar 'mixed state'. Whatever the terminology, this is where I am and I've been here so many times before.

The way I see it, there are a number of possible reasons for the way I am after last week:

  • inner conflict about how helpful my psychologist treatment is for me (saw her on Friday);
  • trying to further reduce my tobacco intake (the struggle seems disproportionately huge and exhausting);
  • needing recovery time from a big week (by my standards);
  • simply another manifestation of bipolar disorder in me.

Regarding the psychologist. She is young compared to me and I have the feeling that she may not grasp the full extent of my situation, partly through lack of life experience. Perhaps she may particularly lack an understanding of the various physical ailments that complicate things with me, some age-related (menopause, musculo-skeletal problems), one of them a chronic illness (crohns disease). She is treating me with some techniques from Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, something I honestly have never liked the sound of when I've read about it. The main 'homework' I have for this four week period is a sheet I am meant to fill out every night covering various things including tobacco use, coffee intake, isolating, unbalance eating, sleep patterns, lack of exercise. The sheet also includes sections monitoring mood every day. The problem I find is that monitoring and (by implication) tackling all these things at once is just overwhelming. I am significantly depressed after filling out the form because it seems to highlight all the ways I am failing rather than the ways I am succeeding. The psychologist has given me this sheet as homework once before and it had the same effect on me then. A full month long slump into depression is what followed. This sheet makes me feel very pressured to recover quickly from all of these things at once, a message that contradicts the advice of my psychiatrist (who I trust much more). His advice is to take it slowly and steadily and not feel rushed. As of yesterday, I stopped using the DBT form altogether. I am even considering giving up on the therapy with this psychologist after my next (sixth) session instead of seeing it through to the ten sessions my GP is willing to refer me for.

With the difficulty of further tobacco reduction, I am succeeding in reducing this a little more but the effort is gargantuan and seems to be sapping all the strength I have for making it out the door to my activities and appointments (or even to get dressed and showered). Writing here is just about the only thing that is distracting me from smoking again or thinking about it obsessively.

I've run out of steam on writing about it all now (a huge sigh of relief from any readers at this point).

I wonder if anyone else can make any sense of this.

27230 replies

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In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@saturnzoon

Yea I've done some reasearch into the rights and responsibilities of people in general . And also what people need . It helped me gain insight into, the appropriate way to treat and think of people . Along with becoming aware of what people need .

It took me years to become 'mentally and emotionally ' mature . And to realize I'm responisble for the things i say , write and do. And to realize respect is something i and others need. It was just as much about my rights and needs as it was other peoples .

Sorry i can't be of more help. It sounds like a very frustrating situation to be stuck in .

Eude

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@saturnzoon No words Hon but a lot of hugs for you

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@saturnzoon Hi saturnzoon I was just talking with my 23 year old daughter and she said all your 26 year old son needs is your credit card details and he can easily order things. You have to cancel your card and keep it hidden away from prying eyes. She also said it was time your 26 year old son moved out of home if he cannot respect his mum and his brothers. I have to agree. If he intimidates you I would call the police it is totally unacceptable.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Good afternoon Ravers

@Bunniekins @Zoe7 @eudemonism @eth @saturnzoon @Adge @Owlunar @Appleblossom @Doglover

And many more. I have been at work all day now I'm exhausted. I've had lots of anxiety today. Tomorrow I'm home alone never good for SH urges.

@Doglover how are you going over the weekend, any time to rest?

Thinking about you today xx

@saturnzoon do you have a plan to help prevent this happening again? Really feeling for you bug hugs to you💙

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hey @saturnzoon it's heartbreaking what you are going through, I'm so sorry things are difficult right now for you. What got me the most was you saying that you feel because you are timid and shy ( I can relate) that you have to accept what comes with it. It took me a long time to get comfortable with speaking up, at first I'd get too emotional and upset which caused added problems. But I got fed up with shutting down and clamming up. My son use to talk down to me and be very sarcastic which I hate. Only recently I am now able to calmly tell him I don't like being spoken to disrespectfully ( it felt really good to be able to say that and be calm!). Just the other day he actually apologised for getting snarky with me and said he doesn't know why he does it. You can set new boundaries with your kids, but it will take time. Just start off with a small thing at a time. Sending you and your family lots of love xx

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

I agree with @Former-Member Its good when they catch themselves and apologise. My son is like that

@saturnzoon

Small steps but make the small stands. Def be protective about your finances and the stability of the household. There is a role for rough play when it is done with a caring heart. Not when it is a cover for rage. Then the younger children get hit with far more than they can handle. A lot depends on how far he goes. If it is a big habit in his personality then he might need to sort those thinngs out in his head and his attitude. Thats the bottom line for both boys I would guess.

My son is 26 and a few people have told me I should throw him out, but that has disastrous consequences, each time we go near it. So I dont, but he is putting in effort and board. That is bottom line for me. Personally I left home at 16 and preferred being homeless and coped. We are all diferent. Also his oldest sibling got away with stuff and it just was not fair that my biological kids got the raw end of the deal.

Today I told my son who has put off doing dishes for about 5 days, that he had to put up with knowing that I had a quiet smirk in me, that he is amazing how much he can string out the job. He was shocked and called out in protest, but he has no idea really how much I do. He is so used to getting away with stuff, but I also concentrate on the good. I am patient. I try and communicate that I dont like being talked down to, and try to get a life outside the house, so that he gets that others are treating me alright. They have had a big thing blaming me for everything, it has been far from the truth but I just have to put up with it.

Hi @Eude I am alright. Chugging along.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

hello and hugs @Appleblossom , @Former-Member , @Angels333 , @Bunniekins

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hey @Angels333 I'll be doing my planning for school tomorrow but will be around on and off if you need to distract yourself - happy to sit with you when I can

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

I left home at age 20 @Appleblossom Specifically to get away from my abusive family (upbringing).

Unlike you, I wasn't homeless.

Yet I unknowingly went into an environment (& housing) that was actually worse than the home environment, that I had needed to escape.

Total deprivation of liberty, & no access to finances.

I finally left that situation (organisation) after 6 years, when I came to WA.

Now, 24 years later - I still have nightmares (very real) about it.

Adge

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Big hugs to you @Shaz51 😊

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