FORUMS

Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

  • 47,612Members
  • 1,358,869Posts
  • 1,400,000Visitors
Our stories

A long rave

A long rave

Edit Feb 2018: This thread has evolved into a chat thread, which is fine by me. In addition, I encourage other members to feel free to post their own 'long raves' in here too if wished. I will continue to post my own longer raves from time to time, as well as chat with friends along the way.

Original post from May 2016:

First of all, a (very) long post alert. Please don't feel obliged to read or respond. Mainly I am writing today to clear my own head of some things. So, here goes...

Last week, I managed to get to all planned appointments and activities every day of the week except Sunday. That only amounts to one, maximum two, per day, but was an improvement on previous weeks and months. I've made all planned appointments in a week before, but there have not been so many appointments in so many days consecutively. Many of you will know that, prior to about mid last year, I spent years very rarely leaving the flat. This was since the last of my breakdowns from paid employment in 2008 (one of so many similar breakdowns from paid working, though none as devastating in consequence as this last one). With each of these breakdowns, the recovery time got longer and longer. It's taken eight years to recover much at all this time around.

This week, so far, I've made none of my appointments or activities. In fact, I've not showered for days. Embarrassing to admit but maybe helpful to own up to it. As I write I'm still in what I wore to bed, as I was all day yesterday and the day before. The weird thing is that I don't feel that bad in my emotions, just crashed out physically and lacking almost all motivation except to use the computer. In other words, my mind and fingertips are alert and active, in fact nervy and overactive as usual, but the rest of me is crashed out. Perhaps I have entered what some people call a bipolar 'mixed state'. Whatever the terminology, this is where I am and I've been here so many times before.

The way I see it, there are a number of possible reasons for the way I am after last week:

  • inner conflict about how helpful my psychologist treatment is for me (saw her on Friday);
  • trying to further reduce my tobacco intake (the struggle seems disproportionately huge and exhausting);
  • needing recovery time from a big week (by my standards);
  • simply another manifestation of bipolar disorder in me.

Regarding the psychologist. She is young compared to me and I have the feeling that she may not grasp the full extent of my situation, partly through lack of life experience. Perhaps she may particularly lack an understanding of the various physical ailments that complicate things with me, some age-related (menopause, musculo-skeletal problems), one of them a chronic illness (crohns disease). She is treating me with some techniques from Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, something I honestly have never liked the sound of when I've read about it. The main 'homework' I have for this four week period is a sheet I am meant to fill out every night covering various things including tobacco use, coffee intake, isolating, unbalance eating, sleep patterns, lack of exercise. The sheet also includes sections monitoring mood every day. The problem I find is that monitoring and (by implication) tackling all these things at once is just overwhelming. I am significantly depressed after filling out the form because it seems to highlight all the ways I am failing rather than the ways I am succeeding. The psychologist has given me this sheet as homework once before and it had the same effect on me then. A full month long slump into depression is what followed. This sheet makes me feel very pressured to recover quickly from all of these things at once, a message that contradicts the advice of my psychiatrist (who I trust much more). His advice is to take it slowly and steadily and not feel rushed. As of yesterday, I stopped using the DBT form altogether. I am even considering giving up on the therapy with this psychologist after my next (sixth) session instead of seeing it through to the ten sessions my GP is willing to refer me for.

With the difficulty of further tobacco reduction, I am succeeding in reducing this a little more but the effort is gargantuan and seems to be sapping all the strength I have for making it out the door to my activities and appointments (or even to get dressed and showered). Writing here is just about the only thing that is distracting me from smoking again or thinking about it obsessively.

I've run out of steam on writing about it all now (a huge sigh of relief from any readers at this point).

I wonder if anyone else can make any sense of this.

27230 replies

2,131 - 2,140 of 27,230

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hi @Shaz51

Sounds like a good move that you are seeing the specialist. I hope the wait is short. Cool that you are taking a trip to see family.

Hi @eth, @CheerBear, @Former-Member, everyone,

Later in the day things improved a bit here and we went to our friend's place for dinner. While there, I also saw a friendly acquaintance I've known over about 12 or more years, but we only see each other occasionally in small groups. She's a friend of our friend and they hadn't seen each for a while either. Good to cross paths with her briefly, as is often the way. Slowly over the evening I have regained a bit of energy, especially mental and emotional energy. I do hope tomorrow is a brighter day with motivation and capacity to act on it. Hope the same for all.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hi @Mazarita I wonder if I've caught you or not. Nice to hear you had a social evening and have a bit more energy.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hi @eth, still here, though fading a bit now. How was your evening?

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Just a quiet solo one @Mazarita. Glad I caught you. Most times I wake in the wee hours I don't get up but tonight I'm wider awake than usual. I woke around 1 then only slept for 1/2 an hour, not the 2-3 I usually get on 2nd nap of the night. Possibly due to mid day coffee but added to by thoughts since pdoc ap't. I've been back to at least 4 naps a night for a couple of weeks.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Sorry to hear your sleeping has taken a hit, @eth. Sounds like it's a combination of things. Glad to catch you too before heading to sleep.

Our social nights are funny really, very low key, and we have 'phone parties' for part of the evening every time we're together. In other words, we're all on our devices at the same time. That's not something I initiated, more something I go along with. I'd prefer to talk really, but we see each other so much we kind of run out of words too, lol. I like that we are so able to be ourselves with each other, in various shades. We are real hang out buddies. I'm grateful.

Did you enjoy your G&T with bro and SIL?

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

It was yummy @Mazarita. we often have 1 or 2 drinks at the end of their working days. Lots of days it's the only time I get to connect with them between their comitments so I always join in. Don't mind the drinks either!

A little positive - about 3 months ago when bro and I were dismantling a green house he scored at a property near the farm we found a bunch of bulbs which we brought home. I planted them. As a result I have a gorgeous deep orange and yellow gladioli in a wine bottle on my table here. It's so nice to have a splash of colour and know I grew it myself.

I know what those phone parties are like. I don't do fb or any i'nett stuff on my phone and have at times been with 5 or so other people who are all on theirs. It doesn't bother me. What did get to me was when I was with the kidults in Canberra and we'd be on our way somewhere and they'd keep stopping to look for virtual Pokemon. Even the 3 year old was doing it. If I was parenting again I really don't think I'd have my child using devices quite so young.

Do you have plans for today?

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Sounds like a nice ritual, @eth.

I love your story of the gladioli. How wonderful to care for plants the way you do.

Funny about the pokemons. I have no idea what I'd do with raising children in this world. It seems like a daunting job.

I may get together with my other friend today, the one I cancelled yesterday. We said we'd keep loose plans to get together and confirm on the day. That would be cool.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

It's so nice that you have good friends @Mazarita and are getting to see them again lately. There's still a shortage of friends for me since moving. I don't let people in very easily and our neighbours are a good bit younger, although they are friendly enough I feel my age is a barrier to developing actual friendships with them. Sometimes I meet interesting people up at the farm and have good discussion with them, but I often spend the time afterwards analysing my responses etc - lack of confidence there + social phobia makes it really hard to connect with others a lot of the time.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

I know what you mean about not letting people in easily, @eth. My psychologist has said I see to put a distance between myself and other people. I think that's possibly true. I get that social anxiety too. The analysing of responses. Or just the replay (almost always) of what went down, accompanied by some fear of my own and others intent and unconscious communications (even friend's). I regret having the imagination I do sometimes, and the sensitivity. But it is who I am, though I'd like to mediate the pain of it if I can.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

I hear you @Mazarita and echo what you just said. I'm fading now and may not last much longer.

I find even on the forums these days I've stopped all but reasonably light banter with a lot of people. That's why I so appreciate the connection you and I have. I simply don't have the energy to be a solid support to many others here like I used to. Maybe it will come back. But honestly most of the connections I made when I came back here after the break I had early in the year turned out to be very one-sided and it was draining me and leaving me too 'wide open'. Hopefully this won't offend anyone else who sees it but it's good to acknowledge it at last.

2,131 - 2,140 of 27,230