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A long rave

A long rave

Edit Feb 2018: This thread has evolved into a chat thread, which is fine by me. In addition, I encourage other members to feel free to post their own 'long raves' in here too if wished. I will continue to post my own longer raves from time to time, as well as chat with friends along the way.

Original post from May 2016:

First of all, a (very) long post alert. Please don't feel obliged to read or respond. Mainly I am writing today to clear my own head of some things. So, here goes...

Last week, I managed to get to all planned appointments and activities every day of the week except Sunday. That only amounts to one, maximum two, per day, but was an improvement on previous weeks and months. I've made all planned appointments in a week before, but there have not been so many appointments in so many days consecutively. Many of you will know that, prior to about mid last year, I spent years very rarely leaving the flat. This was since the last of my breakdowns from paid employment in 2008 (one of so many similar breakdowns from paid working, though none as devastating in consequence as this last one). With each of these breakdowns, the recovery time got longer and longer. It's taken eight years to recover much at all this time around.

This week, so far, I've made none of my appointments or activities. In fact, I've not showered for days. Embarrassing to admit but maybe helpful to own up to it. As I write I'm still in what I wore to bed, as I was all day yesterday and the day before. The weird thing is that I don't feel that bad in my emotions, just crashed out physically and lacking almost all motivation except to use the computer. In other words, my mind and fingertips are alert and active, in fact nervy and overactive as usual, but the rest of me is crashed out. Perhaps I have entered what some people call a bipolar 'mixed state'. Whatever the terminology, this is where I am and I've been here so many times before.

The way I see it, there are a number of possible reasons for the way I am after last week:

  • inner conflict about how helpful my psychologist treatment is for me (saw her on Friday);
  • trying to further reduce my tobacco intake (the struggle seems disproportionately huge and exhausting);
  • needing recovery time from a big week (by my standards);
  • simply another manifestation of bipolar disorder in me.

Regarding the psychologist. She is young compared to me and I have the feeling that she may not grasp the full extent of my situation, partly through lack of life experience. Perhaps she may particularly lack an understanding of the various physical ailments that complicate things with me, some age-related (menopause, musculo-skeletal problems), one of them a chronic illness (crohns disease). She is treating me with some techniques from Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, something I honestly have never liked the sound of when I've read about it. The main 'homework' I have for this four week period is a sheet I am meant to fill out every night covering various things including tobacco use, coffee intake, isolating, unbalance eating, sleep patterns, lack of exercise. The sheet also includes sections monitoring mood every day. The problem I find is that monitoring and (by implication) tackling all these things at once is just overwhelming. I am significantly depressed after filling out the form because it seems to highlight all the ways I am failing rather than the ways I am succeeding. The psychologist has given me this sheet as homework once before and it had the same effect on me then. A full month long slump into depression is what followed. This sheet makes me feel very pressured to recover quickly from all of these things at once, a message that contradicts the advice of my psychiatrist (who I trust much more). His advice is to take it slowly and steadily and not feel rushed. As of yesterday, I stopped using the DBT form altogether. I am even considering giving up on the therapy with this psychologist after my next (sixth) session instead of seeing it through to the ten sessions my GP is willing to refer me for.

With the difficulty of further tobacco reduction, I am succeeding in reducing this a little more but the effort is gargantuan and seems to be sapping all the strength I have for making it out the door to my activities and appointments (or even to get dressed and showered). Writing here is just about the only thing that is distracting me from smoking again or thinking about it obsessively.

I've run out of steam on writing about it all now (a huge sigh of relief from any readers at this point).

I wonder if anyone else can make any sense of this.

27230 replies

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In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Thanks @Exoplanet what you say is often true. But overall I feel like if I don't dip my toes in the water I'll never know. But I do know it needs to be different this time, and he knows if it's not I won't be in it. He's the person I've been close to for the longest time in my life and he's never hurt me in any way.

How's your day looking? I know you've got some big stuff going on but haven't seen you post about it for a few days. You are very valued here.

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hi @eth I remember you talking about him before. You would use an initial for him at the time. (For a weird memory thing I remember the initial).

From from my experience and from watching others I would say to take it slowly. You don’t have to be anyone but you. It’s then up to him if he chooses to be with you for the goof and the bad, in sickness and in health type stuff.

I don’t think this has to be black and white. You can see him but keep remembering your values and what is important to you now.....your health, your support from family, your support from mh health workers. You’ve worked hard to get the supports that are working for you.

From the outside looking in (and having no heart stuff invested in this and knowing that makes it easier for me to write this than to do) you get to make decisions now in a way that you didn’t before. I think as long as you keep checking in with yourself about the stuff that matters and remember the head stuff first you’ll be ok. And if he doesn’t cope with everything you’ll know it isn’t meant to be, and you tried and there are no regrets. I think if you do see him keep talking about it with your supports so that you can keep a bit grounded too.

Good luck with whatever you choose. It sounds like a really complex one that is throwing up lots of emotions for you.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

All sage advice @Teej Thankyou very much xx PS amazing that you remember - J!

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Yep that’s the one I remembered @eth 😘. Thanks. I hope you can work it out ok. 🤞🏻

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hey @eth all good advice above I'm thinking do a pro's and con's but @Teej 's advice is second to none!

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Thanks heaps @Bunniekins & @eth

Much appreciated.

Yes, maybe I should wear my leather jacket.

Peas on the side (like last time suggestion)?

Adge

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hey @eth

I've got some similar thoughts going on re a possible relationship.

The smart advice is take it slow etc. etc. but I've sort of dived in headfirst. Who can know?

Thinking of you

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Thanks @Angels333 and @frog . Hearing you loud and clear @frog Hope going for it really works out well for you. It's one of those situations where no matter how good things look, we have to take some risk to start something - one of my previous psychologists used to say some kinds of risk are necessary to live more bravely and have a wider range of relationships in the world.

I think the fact J lives so far away (interstate) in some ways makes it easier to spend a bit of time with him and then step right back and think about it. He has confirmed that he will come and visit within the next few weeks. I spoke to bro and sil about it and they are supportive of the visit but also advising that I make sure he gets a real picture of what my life is like now. I agree with them.

Heading to water tai chi this afternoon for the first time in 3 weeks and really looking forward to it. Other than that a home day. Have some domestics to catch up on but dodging them at the moment!

Hello @Adge @Angels333 @Teej @outlander @CheerBear @Exoplanet @Zoe7

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Thanks @Angels333 and @frog . Hearing you loud and clear @frog Hope going for it really works out well for you. It's one of those situations where no matter how good things look, we have to take some risk to start something - one of my previous psychologists used to say some kinds of risk are necessary to live more bravely and have a wider range of relationships in the world.

I think the fact J lives so far away (interstate) in some ways makes it easier to spend a bit of time with him and then step right back and think about it. He has confirmed that he will come and visit within the next few weeks. I spoke to bro and sil about it and they are supportive of the visit but also advising that I make sure he gets a real picture of what my life is like now. I agree with them.

Heading to water tai chi this afternoon for the first time in 3 weeks and really looking forward to it. Other than that a home day. Have some domestics to catch up on but dodging them at the moment!

Hello also to @Adge @Angels333 @Teej @outlander @CheerBear @Exoplanet @Zoe7 @Shaz51 @Meowmy @Appleblossom @Silenus and anyone passing here today. Hope it has started well.

Had a really good chat with a peer mentor about NDIS stuff yesterday, but will talk about it on the Anyone started with the NDIS? thread.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

morning everyone 👋
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