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A long rave

A long rave

Edit Feb 2018: This thread has evolved into a chat thread, which is fine by me. In addition, I encourage other members to feel free to post their own 'long raves' in here too if wished. I will continue to post my own longer raves from time to time, as well as chat with friends along the way.

Original post from May 2016:

First of all, a (very) long post alert. Please don't feel obliged to read or respond. Mainly I am writing today to clear my own head of some things. So, here goes...

Last week, I managed to get to all planned appointments and activities every day of the week except Sunday. That only amounts to one, maximum two, per day, but was an improvement on previous weeks and months. I've made all planned appointments in a week before, but there have not been so many appointments in so many days consecutively. Many of you will know that, prior to about mid last year, I spent years very rarely leaving the flat. This was since the last of my breakdowns from paid employment in 2008 (one of so many similar breakdowns from paid working, though none as devastating in consequence as this last one). With each of these breakdowns, the recovery time got longer and longer. It's taken eight years to recover much at all this time around.

This week, so far, I've made none of my appointments or activities. In fact, I've not showered for days. Embarrassing to admit but maybe helpful to own up to it. As I write I'm still in what I wore to bed, as I was all day yesterday and the day before. The weird thing is that I don't feel that bad in my emotions, just crashed out physically and lacking almost all motivation except to use the computer. In other words, my mind and fingertips are alert and active, in fact nervy and overactive as usual, but the rest of me is crashed out. Perhaps I have entered what some people call a bipolar 'mixed state'. Whatever the terminology, this is where I am and I've been here so many times before.

The way I see it, there are a number of possible reasons for the way I am after last week:

  • inner conflict about how helpful my psychologist treatment is for me (saw her on Friday);
  • trying to further reduce my tobacco intake (the struggle seems disproportionately huge and exhausting);
  • needing recovery time from a big week (by my standards);
  • simply another manifestation of bipolar disorder in me.

Regarding the psychologist. She is young compared to me and I have the feeling that she may not grasp the full extent of my situation, partly through lack of life experience. Perhaps she may particularly lack an understanding of the various physical ailments that complicate things with me, some age-related (menopause, musculo-skeletal problems), one of them a chronic illness (crohns disease). She is treating me with some techniques from Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, something I honestly have never liked the sound of when I've read about it. The main 'homework' I have for this four week period is a sheet I am meant to fill out every night covering various things including tobacco use, coffee intake, isolating, unbalance eating, sleep patterns, lack of exercise. The sheet also includes sections monitoring mood every day. The problem I find is that monitoring and (by implication) tackling all these things at once is just overwhelming. I am significantly depressed after filling out the form because it seems to highlight all the ways I am failing rather than the ways I am succeeding. The psychologist has given me this sheet as homework once before and it had the same effect on me then. A full month long slump into depression is what followed. This sheet makes me feel very pressured to recover quickly from all of these things at once, a message that contradicts the advice of my psychiatrist (who I trust much more). His advice is to take it slowly and steadily and not feel rushed. As of yesterday, I stopped using the DBT form altogether. I am even considering giving up on the therapy with this psychologist after my next (sixth) session instead of seeing it through to the ten sessions my GP is willing to refer me for.

With the difficulty of further tobacco reduction, I am succeeding in reducing this a little more but the effort is gargantuan and seems to be sapping all the strength I have for making it out the door to my activities and appointments (or even to get dressed and showered). Writing here is just about the only thing that is distracting me from smoking again or thinking about it obsessively.

I've run out of steam on writing about it all now (a huge sigh of relief from any readers at this point).

I wonder if anyone else can make any sense of this.

27230 replies

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In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hi @Meowmy It sounds like you have been very patient & persevering.

I'm glad you find your psychiatrist helpful.

Trauma work (in therapy) can take many years (apparently) - depending on the method (therapy), & how much trauma

I don't remember virtually any of my childhood, or young adulthood - due to traumas.

I still have sinus infection, have not seen a Dr - hoping I will begin to recover soon.

I am meeting a lady for a Date this coming Sunday - looking forward to it.

We haven't set a time yet, but we're in agreement on Sunday (& where).

Adge

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Adge Hey Adge, hope your sinuses infection get better soon. Very exciting re your date on Sunday. Hope it will go well and fun. I am sure you are very impressive. Sorry to hear your childhood,young adulthood traumas. It must be extremely painful and difficult to work through and recover. So great you are successfully meeting new people and enjoying them. We are all here for you no matter how long it takes for you to recover and cheer you on re date on Sunday. Take care.

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

I've been waiting to hear how it went @eth. Thanks for the update. So pleased for you that it went really well. Good on you!

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

thats really great @eth well done on getting through it.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Great news @eth I'm not a writer I have absolutely zero talent there, it's great that you have found a passion and that you're also great at it helps too😉

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Yes the Dentist (No work to do) was good news @Shaz51 @eth

Even better news, is meeting someone for a Date this Sunday @Bunniekins

Thanks @Meowmy I've made good (virtual) connections on the forums.

I have given a lot of support to others, & have had very kind & supportive responses.

Yes, my work is socially draining & emotionally demanding - 100's of people in some situations (support work). Yet the interactions are trivial, sometimes callous. So it is in fact very isolating.

Personal friendships are deeper, far more meaningful & highly valued by me - yet hard to come by, find or develop.

Adge

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Adge Hey Adge and good morning 🙂 good luck with your date on Sunday. I really hope she is everything for you and you are everything for her. You a super lovely guy who deserves a really wonderful companion who I believe is definitely out there. Keep us posted with how it all goes. Will you be wearing your cool leather jacket? I hope so. I bet you look great in it. Love peaxxx

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hi again to anyone else around this morning. @Angels333 @outlander @Adge @Meowmy @CheerBear @Shaz51 @Exoplanet @outlander @Teej @Appleblossom @frog

Good news about the dentist @Adge Even better about having a date lined up for Sunday. You're so brave putting yourself out there.

Rave ahead!

I had my psychologist yesterday and it was a really weird session. Usually I am totally present with her and she counsels me about current stuff as well as we usually do some trauma work, mostly with EMDR these days. Yesterday she said it was as if I wasn't really there. I was very preoccupied with something that happened the night before.

The guy who was my 'friend with benefits' for years before I left up north finally told me he should never have let me go. So many feels. I'd hoped to hear that 2 1/2 years ago (before I left to move south for family support). He was the main reason I stayed up there for so long despite needing support to function out in the world that he wasn't up to giving me. It was hard to leave him but I knew it would never really be the kind of life-sharing relationship that I hope to have again one day. Even after being together on and off for 12 years. There has only been one other person for me in all that time. Which was a dreadful disaster that ended in DV. The guy I'm talking about was a huge support at that time and we got back together. He wants to come visit in the not too distant future. And sounds like he wants more of a 'relationship' this time. He's actually wooing me, which he's never done before.

So it raises several questions. Am I ready to have an intimate connection with anyone at this time? even someone I'm very familiar with? What do I want it to be? Is he even able to be a 'boyfriend' not just a close friend and lover? It's clear that I'll never know if I don't give it a try and if we lived in the same town I'm sure I'd be giving it a chance. But I know I can't go back to the way it was before, and I won't ever relocate back to where he still lives. I do know I still love him and have compared anyone I've met since then - the trust we developed over the years is priceless to me. But loving someone and being 'in love' are not the same thing. Plus I really enjoy his company. He's a funny guy but also very honest and up front about his values. He's been working the AA 12 steps for around 36 years now.

Even little details coming up about just having him visit for a few days. How will he respond to seeing the amount of support I need? What will happen if we go away for a few days? Especially with my sleep pattern .... etc etc etc what if? what if? what if?

@Appleblossom I seem to remember I talked about him with you and @Mazarita at length more than once a few years ago.

Rave over!! Any ideas or feedback welcome.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

hey @eth that is pretty big. im not much on relationship advice but listening. i hope others could give abit more advice then me.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@eth

Your doing the right thing thinking about it carefully. Think about it very, very carefully. People often don't change as much as we would like them to.

Love you

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