FORUMS

Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

  • 47,612Members
  • 1,358,869Posts
  • 1,400,000Visitors
Our stories

A long rave

A long rave

Edit Feb 2018: This thread has evolved into a chat thread, which is fine by me. In addition, I encourage other members to feel free to post their own 'long raves' in here too if wished. I will continue to post my own longer raves from time to time, as well as chat with friends along the way.

Original post from May 2016:

First of all, a (very) long post alert. Please don't feel obliged to read or respond. Mainly I am writing today to clear my own head of some things. So, here goes...

Last week, I managed to get to all planned appointments and activities every day of the week except Sunday. That only amounts to one, maximum two, per day, but was an improvement on previous weeks and months. I've made all planned appointments in a week before, but there have not been so many appointments in so many days consecutively. Many of you will know that, prior to about mid last year, I spent years very rarely leaving the flat. This was since the last of my breakdowns from paid employment in 2008 (one of so many similar breakdowns from paid working, though none as devastating in consequence as this last one). With each of these breakdowns, the recovery time got longer and longer. It's taken eight years to recover much at all this time around.

This week, so far, I've made none of my appointments or activities. In fact, I've not showered for days. Embarrassing to admit but maybe helpful to own up to it. As I write I'm still in what I wore to bed, as I was all day yesterday and the day before. The weird thing is that I don't feel that bad in my emotions, just crashed out physically and lacking almost all motivation except to use the computer. In other words, my mind and fingertips are alert and active, in fact nervy and overactive as usual, but the rest of me is crashed out. Perhaps I have entered what some people call a bipolar 'mixed state'. Whatever the terminology, this is where I am and I've been here so many times before.

The way I see it, there are a number of possible reasons for the way I am after last week:

  • inner conflict about how helpful my psychologist treatment is for me (saw her on Friday);
  • trying to further reduce my tobacco intake (the struggle seems disproportionately huge and exhausting);
  • needing recovery time from a big week (by my standards);
  • simply another manifestation of bipolar disorder in me.

Regarding the psychologist. She is young compared to me and I have the feeling that she may not grasp the full extent of my situation, partly through lack of life experience. Perhaps she may particularly lack an understanding of the various physical ailments that complicate things with me, some age-related (menopause, musculo-skeletal problems), one of them a chronic illness (crohns disease). She is treating me with some techniques from Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, something I honestly have never liked the sound of when I've read about it. The main 'homework' I have for this four week period is a sheet I am meant to fill out every night covering various things including tobacco use, coffee intake, isolating, unbalance eating, sleep patterns, lack of exercise. The sheet also includes sections monitoring mood every day. The problem I find is that monitoring and (by implication) tackling all these things at once is just overwhelming. I am significantly depressed after filling out the form because it seems to highlight all the ways I am failing rather than the ways I am succeeding. The psychologist has given me this sheet as homework once before and it had the same effect on me then. A full month long slump into depression is what followed. This sheet makes me feel very pressured to recover quickly from all of these things at once, a message that contradicts the advice of my psychiatrist (who I trust much more). His advice is to take it slowly and steadily and not feel rushed. As of yesterday, I stopped using the DBT form altogether. I am even considering giving up on the therapy with this psychologist after my next (sixth) session instead of seeing it through to the ten sessions my GP is willing to refer me for.

With the difficulty of further tobacco reduction, I am succeeding in reducing this a little more but the effort is gargantuan and seems to be sapping all the strength I have for making it out the door to my activities and appointments (or even to get dressed and showered). Writing here is just about the only thing that is distracting me from smoking again or thinking about it obsessively.

I've run out of steam on writing about it all now (a huge sigh of relief from any readers at this point).

I wonder if anyone else can make any sense of this.

27230 replies

20,601 - 20,610 of 27,230

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Needed long sleep in to feel like getting up, but lately I indulge my needs and I am alright now. I did not do what I had decided which was fasting blood test, so went through guilt and self whipping for that. A recent friend said I was addicted to discipline. Coming to terms with feelings is so complicated for me. @eth

Last month I was in train and I said "I have feelings too" and the lady next to me muttered nastily copycat style. That hurt but she has a lot of problems. It is hard for me to tell that I need to move away from people like that. I have had mixed feelings about her a lot as she is drama queen and always has the biggest issues with her daughter, gets lots of support and is friends with people who have been nasty to me in the past. Yet I sat next to her cos 2 other friends were in same train cubicle. To have moved away would have been strange and caused tension ,,, so often I feel doomed if I do or I dont. Having a holiday from that choir cos it seems many people are in it for triumphalism and social pretentiousness and not music, which is a shame.

Now I look back and can laugh at the distance between me talking about blunted affect and young girls romance, which was easier for me to talk about than actually how it was with my mother, or my life ... (my pain was wordlessly HUGE) and how normal people might talk about things.

I also was struggling with dumb word doc to write submission for the MH Royal Comm.

A mixed bag ...

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hey @eth and thanks for asking how it went. Hi @Appleblossom. How did you find it to 'find your emotionality' when you did?

Thanks for helping me find some language for What's going on @eth. I don't think it is anhedonia as that's more something that happens when I'm in a depressed kind of state. Blunted affect is closer for sure. I had used the word 'blunt' when I was trying to explain it to my GP, which she said was to be expected and what the med I'm on should be doing. I probably wouldn't appear blunted, but am also a pretty good master of disguise there too. I am not the biggest fan of not feeling so feely, but I guess it does beat full on intense emotions.

Psych (psychologist not psychiatrist) talked with me about meds but obviously can't do anything as far as change dose etc. He works with me through symptoms and makes suggestions with/for my GP to consider. He said it could be the med slowing down cognitive functioning and giving me space from big feelings. It could also be that things are relatively stable now so my body/mind are taking a break and some down time from being supercharged all the time, which feels like it's way too slow/absent for me when my normal has been "freak out", "feel everything intensely" and "go, go, go" for so long. And he also mentioned burnout as maybe playing into it too, bringing in kind of all the things you mentioned just before I went in. He isn't worried and like my GP doesn't want me changing it yet. I'm so not used to having a medication work well enough for me to consider trying to live with annoying side effects, if that's what's happening. It's hard and kind of sad as being hyped up, quick and supercharged and can be sort of helpful kind of, but totally not sustainable I guess.

Anyway, long rave sorry. But again, big thanks for caring.

I got my Zen on with the terrarium and didn't throw it 😉 I actually found it a really nice time out and the teacher loved it 🙂

Good to hear you've been crocheting! Do you think you'll finish it this winter? Anything on for the weekend for you?

❤

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

A huge range of very intense feelings. @CheerBear Mostly without words. While I was doing primal therapy I tried to keep them restricted to the therapy room. Unfortunately they started coming out more and more without my control after my sister died and I had small children. She died in the year I took on my first baby. So it was distressing all round. So now I have to reflect on those early mothering years and the degree of pressure i was under. I have been finding words in last 10 years as I have less responsibility and access to the internet and am learning to put it all together.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Appleblossom I'm sure you'll get onto the blood test soon. Taking a break from that choir sounds like a good move. If I know you at all you will have other musical group activities to go on with meanwhile. I hope you find a group that works for you. It's so hard sometimes when in a group situation to have boundaries about just one of them, trying not to rock the boat or make it too obvious to the others, but at the same time honour your feelings. The woman who cattily copied you sounds best avoided. So rude! And the one who said you are addicted to discipline doesn't sound very sensitive either. Do real friends talk to each other that way? I think having some discipline can be a really positive quality. If it works for you then it works for you.

Everyone is different, everyone is unique and no-one is perfect. I don't know about the word 'normal' - I wonder if there's any such thing these days.

Did you mean you were working on the document recently or back then? I always really feel for you that you have to do such things because of your earlier years. I want to offer you support with it if you are doing it currently. Let me know how/if I can help - I'm a little lost for words at the moment. Happy to listen anytime.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

I just lost a hearfelt post. Annoying 😏

@Appleblossom thanks for sharing. From what I have caught of your story/stories, there is a lot of trauma in there. Trauma and words often don't work in my experience, as so much trauma stuff is stored in a tangled up, messy, knotted, jumbled, scramble somewhere inside. Words are neat and organised and trauma memories are not. It's cool to hear you had some kind of therapy that seems to have been helpful for you.

Being a mum can have lots of challenges as I'm sure you know about and experience. Being a mum under intense pressure, stress and trauma - so full on. I hear you. I hope there is space for kindness for yourself with those reflections ❤

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Working on doc today. @eth I have submitted to 2 different enquiries and this will be the 3rd. Its the most relevant and if I can have postive effect I will try. I want it done by end June cos of music ProfDev first week in July. I wont be able to post then either.

Yes I have plenty of music to go on with. Being a magpie collecting wide range of genres to maybe put into group work. In an orchestra and doing a form of dance atm.

I keep recreating Stockholm Syndrome situations but am finally getting wise to it. Sigh ... The fellow saw himself as a spurned beau but to me he was a bull in a china shop ... possible student or acquaintance ... but because we were so isolated and son school refused .. he became more involved in family with my son ... anything for some interpersonal experiences...

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@CheerBear please don't apologize - if we can't rave here then where can we?! I'm hearing you about the challenge in not being so 'supercharged' as you are used to, but I also hear what your psychologist said about there being space now for you to take a break from it. That's kind of what I was thinking when I wrote to you this morning. I believe you will find a balance between 'go go go' and feeling slower before long. It's good that you have support from gp and psychologist while you are experiencing this change.

I was in a flight state for a couple of years at 2 stages of my life (both times after assault, one of which was dv) in the last 20 years and both times were followed by adrenal burnout for which I used herbal supplements and diet. As well as psych meds. But first and formost for me was rest when possible. Which is hard when you're busy parenting. I feel for you and am here for you.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Appleblossom

@CheerBear

I'm disappearing for a while now but will be back later and drop into Friday Feast a bit too.

Sending much care to both of you xx

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hi @CheerBear my day was pretty bad full of crying and overwhelming emotions. I posted a detailed post but it got lost due the maintenance.

Basically I went to the gym and from the moment I had to stand on the scales to measure my weight my dignity was only barely intact.

Now I'm hurting physically and emotionally. I kept it together during the session but as soon as I walked out I burst into tears.

My husband was worried about me doing SH but it's been 5 days since the last time. And I'm okay this minute.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

After primal I moved towards Family therapy. @CheerBear

Primal was too intense and only suitable for individual work, but also helped me express some of my grief. The Primal director pdoc was de-regulated ... as the Family Therapy director told me he was abusing medicare forms .... hmmmm .... getting people to sign without himself actually being present .... hmmmm .... so from the beginning in this forum I thought it important not to be too naive ....

Family Therapy was hugely important to my survival and my kids.

I have done quite a therapy circuit..... it has been a journey ... I would not be here without therapy though .... but mostly it has been my application that has been decisive rather than the form of therapy.

20,601 - 20,610 of 27,230