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A long rave

A long rave

Edit Feb 2018: This thread has evolved into a chat thread, which is fine by me. In addition, I encourage other members to feel free to post their own 'long raves' in here too if wished. I will continue to post my own longer raves from time to time, as well as chat with friends along the way.

Original post from May 2016:

First of all, a (very) long post alert. Please don't feel obliged to read or respond. Mainly I am writing today to clear my own head of some things. So, here goes...

Last week, I managed to get to all planned appointments and activities every day of the week except Sunday. That only amounts to one, maximum two, per day, but was an improvement on previous weeks and months. I've made all planned appointments in a week before, but there have not been so many appointments in so many days consecutively. Many of you will know that, prior to about mid last year, I spent years very rarely leaving the flat. This was since the last of my breakdowns from paid employment in 2008 (one of so many similar breakdowns from paid working, though none as devastating in consequence as this last one). With each of these breakdowns, the recovery time got longer and longer. It's taken eight years to recover much at all this time around.

This week, so far, I've made none of my appointments or activities. In fact, I've not showered for days. Embarrassing to admit but maybe helpful to own up to it. As I write I'm still in what I wore to bed, as I was all day yesterday and the day before. The weird thing is that I don't feel that bad in my emotions, just crashed out physically and lacking almost all motivation except to use the computer. In other words, my mind and fingertips are alert and active, in fact nervy and overactive as usual, but the rest of me is crashed out. Perhaps I have entered what some people call a bipolar 'mixed state'. Whatever the terminology, this is where I am and I've been here so many times before.

The way I see it, there are a number of possible reasons for the way I am after last week:

  • inner conflict about how helpful my psychologist treatment is for me (saw her on Friday);
  • trying to further reduce my tobacco intake (the struggle seems disproportionately huge and exhausting);
  • needing recovery time from a big week (by my standards);
  • simply another manifestation of bipolar disorder in me.

Regarding the psychologist. She is young compared to me and I have the feeling that she may not grasp the full extent of my situation, partly through lack of life experience. Perhaps she may particularly lack an understanding of the various physical ailments that complicate things with me, some age-related (menopause, musculo-skeletal problems), one of them a chronic illness (crohns disease). She is treating me with some techniques from Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, something I honestly have never liked the sound of when I've read about it. The main 'homework' I have for this four week period is a sheet I am meant to fill out every night covering various things including tobacco use, coffee intake, isolating, unbalance eating, sleep patterns, lack of exercise. The sheet also includes sections monitoring mood every day. The problem I find is that monitoring and (by implication) tackling all these things at once is just overwhelming. I am significantly depressed after filling out the form because it seems to highlight all the ways I am failing rather than the ways I am succeeding. The psychologist has given me this sheet as homework once before and it had the same effect on me then. A full month long slump into depression is what followed. This sheet makes me feel very pressured to recover quickly from all of these things at once, a message that contradicts the advice of my psychiatrist (who I trust much more). His advice is to take it slowly and steadily and not feel rushed. As of yesterday, I stopped using the DBT form altogether. I am even considering giving up on the therapy with this psychologist after my next (sixth) session instead of seeing it through to the ten sessions my GP is willing to refer me for.

With the difficulty of further tobacco reduction, I am succeeding in reducing this a little more but the effort is gargantuan and seems to be sapping all the strength I have for making it out the door to my activities and appointments (or even to get dressed and showered). Writing here is just about the only thing that is distracting me from smoking again or thinking about it obsessively.

I've run out of steam on writing about it all now (a huge sigh of relief from any readers at this point).

I wonder if anyone else can make any sense of this.

27230 replies

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In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Oh @eth ,

i just read this and gasped. I would have cracked under that too. Any big booming voice does me in but that complete put down on top is not ok under any circumstances. I’m really feeling for you and this situation. I hope your psych can help you find a way through this.

Im wondering if there are friends of bro and sil that you’ve met and feel comfortable with that you could call on if you need any help. It sounds like bro and sil are really compassionate people and I’m hoping they’d have compassionate friends that could help out if needed. Just a thought and I don’t want to make it worse.

Big hugs

💜🤗

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

No wonder it triggered you @eth - it is totally unacceptable. I really hope for you that he has to leave because you cannot be living in that type of fear. I know that means you will have to do more around the property while your bro and sil are away but that is better than living constantly on eggshells or in fear. Not a good situation for you Hon - you need to feel safe in your own home.

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@eth Oh my god you were spot on with him .... I don't like that comment at all .... the way it was said the words itself the whole thing does not bode well at all.... hugs eth. I wonder what was said when you left .... surely someone told him he was out of line but even so I just do not have a good feeling about this at all. greenpea xxxx

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@eth I have given what happened some more thought and I agree with @Zoe7 he really has to go and now. Pack his bags and off he goes here is you hat what is your hurry kind of go. I know that will give you more jobs around the house but I know you can do it eth. We will be with you every step of the way. Thinking of you hun. greenpeaxxx

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Thanks a lot @CheerBear @Teej @Zoe7 @Bunniekins I spent today thinking it was more likely that he would leave but I was wrong. He has said to his mum that he will commit to the conditions bro and sil require, but he has not said it to them yet. On top of everything it turns out he's been drinking a lot and more often than I was aware (the others knew). The conditions are : leave the dog alone and for me to manage, don't upset me, and don't cross the boundary between the two properties. He left last night after refusing to talk to anyone (Sil said his room smelled like a pub) and then had a long text message exchange with them (don't know the details of that). Apparently he's coming back tomorrow - and they leave early Saturday.

I spent my psychology session doing emdr about this stuff and was calmer afterwards. Had been really shaky and labile before the session. And made a list with the psychologist of what my supports will be, what strategies I might use whether or not he comes back (including the police if necessary) and decided I will stay in the main house as it's more secure. Sil actually suggested this later today before I mentioned it so it was good to be on the same page about that.

Thanks again all who sent support. It's a work in progress. I agree about it being better is he's not here, but it's out of my control. My support worker said she will gladly help me with any chores etc while the others are away and even that I can ring her if I run into problems.
My coordinator of supports is coming to see me tomorrow afternoon and will have a list of numbers I can ring if I need support or help if I have MH strife and has also arranged for someone from her org. to call me daily to see how I am. But the bad news is that my support is to be changed - don't know in what way yet. Sh&$tty timing. Sounds like I probably have to start with someone new.

I will also have a list of bro and sil's friends that I can reach out to if I need to. And my sister is coming for a few days the second week probably.

So there is a sense of being backed by sil and bro with the situation with her brother, and a sense of a safety net - but I won't know how good it is unless I need to use it.

Thanks for reading and supporting me. It means a lot. I can talk more freely about it all here than I can irl. I feel like it's set me waaaay back on my recovery journey. That I'm hypervigilant again and will be even more so once he is back and they go. And that I will startle and panic much more easily again.

Last night I just wanted to leave town and fast but it's really not an option. For many reasons.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

It ism great thatnyou have some strategies in place to help cope with the period your bro and sil are away @eth but I also know that doesn't take away the fear of the situation. Use the supports you have as much as you need and us here too of course. Walking with you Hon

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@eth I think I can speak for everyone of us here that please check in with us daily during this period so that we know you are alright. I am not happy about this at all but as long as he follows the instructions you will not have to see him at all over this period hopefully. I am so happy that you are in the main house that will make you more secure. Will the dog be with you? Having the dog with you at night might settle your nerves.

Fingers crossed he is so pissed off he has found other accomodation whilst he has been away. You never know your luck. xxxx

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@eth I think I can speak for everyone of us here that please check in with us daily during this period so that we know you are alright. I am not happy about this at all but as long as he follows the instructions you will not have to see him at all over this period hopefully. I am so happy that you are in the main house that will make you more secure. Will the dog be with you? Having the dog with you at night might settle your nerves.

Fingers crossed he is so p1ssed off he has found other accomodation whilst he has been away. You never know your luck. xxxx

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Just read your post. Thinking of you @eth

Yes a trigger like that is hard and with all the extra expectations around household responsibilities it becomes very tricky.

I guess that your bro and sis also need to come to terms with the level of infrastructure needed to run their empire while they are away. It is difficult for everyone.

hugz. I am also feeling triggered atm and reading about booming voices ...oooh ... sometimes I really need calm and quite.

Take Care All

@Teej @eth @Bunniekins @Zoe7

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Here for you too if you need @Appleblossom

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