FORUMS

Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

  • 47,612Members
  • 1,358,869Posts
  • 1,400,000Visitors
Our stories

A long rave

A long rave

Edit Feb 2018: This thread has evolved into a chat thread, which is fine by me. In addition, I encourage other members to feel free to post their own 'long raves' in here too if wished. I will continue to post my own longer raves from time to time, as well as chat with friends along the way.

Original post from May 2016:

First of all, a (very) long post alert. Please don't feel obliged to read or respond. Mainly I am writing today to clear my own head of some things. So, here goes...

Last week, I managed to get to all planned appointments and activities every day of the week except Sunday. That only amounts to one, maximum two, per day, but was an improvement on previous weeks and months. I've made all planned appointments in a week before, but there have not been so many appointments in so many days consecutively. Many of you will know that, prior to about mid last year, I spent years very rarely leaving the flat. This was since the last of my breakdowns from paid employment in 2008 (one of so many similar breakdowns from paid working, though none as devastating in consequence as this last one). With each of these breakdowns, the recovery time got longer and longer. It's taken eight years to recover much at all this time around.

This week, so far, I've made none of my appointments or activities. In fact, I've not showered for days. Embarrassing to admit but maybe helpful to own up to it. As I write I'm still in what I wore to bed, as I was all day yesterday and the day before. The weird thing is that I don't feel that bad in my emotions, just crashed out physically and lacking almost all motivation except to use the computer. In other words, my mind and fingertips are alert and active, in fact nervy and overactive as usual, but the rest of me is crashed out. Perhaps I have entered what some people call a bipolar 'mixed state'. Whatever the terminology, this is where I am and I've been here so many times before.

The way I see it, there are a number of possible reasons for the way I am after last week:

  • inner conflict about how helpful my psychologist treatment is for me (saw her on Friday);
  • trying to further reduce my tobacco intake (the struggle seems disproportionately huge and exhausting);
  • needing recovery time from a big week (by my standards);
  • simply another manifestation of bipolar disorder in me.

Regarding the psychologist. She is young compared to me and I have the feeling that she may not grasp the full extent of my situation, partly through lack of life experience. Perhaps she may particularly lack an understanding of the various physical ailments that complicate things with me, some age-related (menopause, musculo-skeletal problems), one of them a chronic illness (crohns disease). She is treating me with some techniques from Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, something I honestly have never liked the sound of when I've read about it. The main 'homework' I have for this four week period is a sheet I am meant to fill out every night covering various things including tobacco use, coffee intake, isolating, unbalance eating, sleep patterns, lack of exercise. The sheet also includes sections monitoring mood every day. The problem I find is that monitoring and (by implication) tackling all these things at once is just overwhelming. I am significantly depressed after filling out the form because it seems to highlight all the ways I am failing rather than the ways I am succeeding. The psychologist has given me this sheet as homework once before and it had the same effect on me then. A full month long slump into depression is what followed. This sheet makes me feel very pressured to recover quickly from all of these things at once, a message that contradicts the advice of my psychiatrist (who I trust much more). His advice is to take it slowly and steadily and not feel rushed. As of yesterday, I stopped using the DBT form altogether. I am even considering giving up on the therapy with this psychologist after my next (sixth) session instead of seeing it through to the ten sessions my GP is willing to refer me for.

With the difficulty of further tobacco reduction, I am succeeding in reducing this a little more but the effort is gargantuan and seems to be sapping all the strength I have for making it out the door to my activities and appointments (or even to get dressed and showered). Writing here is just about the only thing that is distracting me from smoking again or thinking about it obsessively.

I've run out of steam on writing about it all now (a huge sigh of relief from any readers at this point).

I wonder if anyone else can make any sense of this.

27230 replies

1,711 - 1,720 of 27,230

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Mazarita - it's understandable that the news you recieved would effect you today. Tough stuff, sorry to hear 😞 It's good to hear that you know to take it easy and allow yourself space and time to process what's going on.

It was nice to bump into you, even if very briefly this morning. Hope you slept well.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Thanks, @CheerBear. Yes, it is a bit difficult to process at the moment because we left it so badly at the end of the relationship (after it being very hard pretty much from day 1), and I have continued to feel I didn't want to see him over the past fifteen years, even just as a friend or acquaintance. So it's strange news to process in a way. Yes, I've had plenty of sleep now, thanks again.

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Quite a while ago, an ex of mine died (possibly/probably itentionally) a little while after our messy, intense, hard relationship ended @Mazarita. I didn't really ever talk about it because no-one at the time seemed to understand how complicated it was for me to hear the news. I felt a huge range of emotions, and realise now that I was absolutely ok to be feeling whatever it was (there was intense sadness, almost some relief, some anger, some wondering "what ifs") etc. despite not many people getting it, some telling me it was wrong, most not at all listening when I mentioned it. I hope/believe you know it is ok to feel and think however you are about it, and that you have people to talk to if you want to. It was very strange news for me also and took some time to process. Gently, as you plan, sounds great. As does hearing you got plenty of sleep in the end.

Big love.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Thanks for sharing that with me, @CheerBear. I'm sorry you didn't have anybody around at that time to be able to understand what you went through. You talking with me about this makes me feel less alone with it and less like I just have to 'get over it' instantly. As you say, there are complicated feelings there. They may take a while to pass.

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Thank you for sharing and for listening @Mazarita. It's interesting to reflect on his death in the space that I am in now compared to where I was then. I still feel those things thinking about it now, but now I know it is ok that I do.

There's defintely no need to pressure yourself or feel pressured to 'get over' this one. It's such a complicated one 💗

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

This relationship ended up abusive, @CheerBear. I have a tendency to be verbally abusive when under extreme stress (something the meds and my own work on myself have reduced to almost nothing now, thankfully). But this partner was physically intimidating and bullying in his everyday life with me, and had his hands around my throat at one point (the straw that sent me packing). He had a complicated life, identifying as both male and female, something I was okay with but which did challenge me in reality more than I expected. I identified strongly as bisexual at the time we met. We met through our mutual interest in media and also both made music, so there were strong points of connection there. I loved him during the year we were together but those feelings didn't really go beyond the end of our relationship, too spoiled by what went down between us. Having said all that, as with many situations like this, there were a lot of really special moments we had together, and he was good to me in other ways. Abusive relationships can have good parts too, otherwise most people wouldn't get into them in the first place. I feel compassion for his life. I don't believe he was every really happy. He also grew up in a notorious sect that seems to have wrecked, or at the least really distorted, the lives of many. On first receiving the news, I really felt quite blank. Now a lot of different shades of emotion are opening up. Thanks again for listening.

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

All of that would very much be adding to the complicated feelings at the moment @Mazarita.

I loved my ex too (I think) and as you said, abusive relationships do often have great moments/times/elements that make it hard to end them. Thinking of those moments with him, made my heart hurt as I missed him. Like your ex, mine too came from a very difficult background, which made me feel so sad and as if I wanted to right the wrongs (not sure if that played into it with you too, but it's such a common thing) and see through the bad to find the good. It made me incredibly sad to hear he had died as I wondered so much what life could have been for him if things were different. I also felt relief to know he couldn't hurt anyone else, which then added guilt and confusion. It was hard to work through. He had amazing eyes.

I'm so sorry to hear he did that to you, and sorry to hear you are working through it today. Whatever 'it' is for you, it's ok that it is.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@CheerBear more thanks to you for sharing this with me today. And hugs.

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

I have to pick up my fishies from school @Mazarita. I've appreciated hearing what you've shared and it prompting a moment of my own thinking about stuff which many years later is still there in a way. Thank you for sharing and listening again Maz.

Take care and huge hugs today 💗💛💕

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hugs to both of you from me.

💜
1,711 - 1,720 of 27,230