FORUMS

Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

  • 47,612Members
  • 1,358,869Posts
  • 1,400,000Visitors
Our stories

A long rave

A long rave

Edit Feb 2018: This thread has evolved into a chat thread, which is fine by me. In addition, I encourage other members to feel free to post their own 'long raves' in here too if wished. I will continue to post my own longer raves from time to time, as well as chat with friends along the way.

Original post from May 2016:

First of all, a (very) long post alert. Please don't feel obliged to read or respond. Mainly I am writing today to clear my own head of some things. So, here goes...

Last week, I managed to get to all planned appointments and activities every day of the week except Sunday. That only amounts to one, maximum two, per day, but was an improvement on previous weeks and months. I've made all planned appointments in a week before, but there have not been so many appointments in so many days consecutively. Many of you will know that, prior to about mid last year, I spent years very rarely leaving the flat. This was since the last of my breakdowns from paid employment in 2008 (one of so many similar breakdowns from paid working, though none as devastating in consequence as this last one). With each of these breakdowns, the recovery time got longer and longer. It's taken eight years to recover much at all this time around.

This week, so far, I've made none of my appointments or activities. In fact, I've not showered for days. Embarrassing to admit but maybe helpful to own up to it. As I write I'm still in what I wore to bed, as I was all day yesterday and the day before. The weird thing is that I don't feel that bad in my emotions, just crashed out physically and lacking almost all motivation except to use the computer. In other words, my mind and fingertips are alert and active, in fact nervy and overactive as usual, but the rest of me is crashed out. Perhaps I have entered what some people call a bipolar 'mixed state'. Whatever the terminology, this is where I am and I've been here so many times before.

The way I see it, there are a number of possible reasons for the way I am after last week:

  • inner conflict about how helpful my psychologist treatment is for me (saw her on Friday);
  • trying to further reduce my tobacco intake (the struggle seems disproportionately huge and exhausting);
  • needing recovery time from a big week (by my standards);
  • simply another manifestation of bipolar disorder in me.

Regarding the psychologist. She is young compared to me and I have the feeling that she may not grasp the full extent of my situation, partly through lack of life experience. Perhaps she may particularly lack an understanding of the various physical ailments that complicate things with me, some age-related (menopause, musculo-skeletal problems), one of them a chronic illness (crohns disease). She is treating me with some techniques from Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, something I honestly have never liked the sound of when I've read about it. The main 'homework' I have for this four week period is a sheet I am meant to fill out every night covering various things including tobacco use, coffee intake, isolating, unbalance eating, sleep patterns, lack of exercise. The sheet also includes sections monitoring mood every day. The problem I find is that monitoring and (by implication) tackling all these things at once is just overwhelming. I am significantly depressed after filling out the form because it seems to highlight all the ways I am failing rather than the ways I am succeeding. The psychologist has given me this sheet as homework once before and it had the same effect on me then. A full month long slump into depression is what followed. This sheet makes me feel very pressured to recover quickly from all of these things at once, a message that contradicts the advice of my psychiatrist (who I trust much more). His advice is to take it slowly and steadily and not feel rushed. As of yesterday, I stopped using the DBT form altogether. I am even considering giving up on the therapy with this psychologist after my next (sixth) session instead of seeing it through to the ten sessions my GP is willing to refer me for.

With the difficulty of further tobacco reduction, I am succeeding in reducing this a little more but the effort is gargantuan and seems to be sapping all the strength I have for making it out the door to my activities and appointments (or even to get dressed and showered). Writing here is just about the only thing that is distracting me from smoking again or thinking about it obsessively.

I've run out of steam on writing about it all now (a huge sigh of relief from any readers at this point).

I wonder if anyone else can make any sense of this.

27230 replies

16,961 - 16,970 of 27,230

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

i have not heard about that on yet @Bunniekins

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Shaz51 Clint Eastwood directs and stars in it. Am looking forward to it 🙂

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hiya all 🙂

@eth how are you going with bro and sil being away? My afternoon has been very testing with one of mine semi losing the plot with nerves about new school. I remember the nerves and worry well. They're so self conscious (as I also remember well) and found it very hard to do things like choose shoes that were OK for them and decide how much to have their uniform altered. I really do get it and empathise hugely but hours of it with the others to think of too, at a busy shopping centre has been a real struggle for me today. I'm drained in all the ways.

That was a bit of a rant!

Have been thinking of you again today hoping you're OK enough.

Hiya @Shaz51 and big hugs to you 💚

Hi also @Bunniekins and hope you and son have a great time at the movies 😊

(Please someone tell me things will get easier with kid as they settle in at school?!!! 😑😉)

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hey @CheerBear sorry to hear about the anxiety your child is having re starting school. I'd love to say it will get easier, but I too remember all those feelings every time I changed school - I went to 7 all together. Hoping it does get easier tho' for both of you. Is it their first start at big school or a transfer to a new school? Finding out about some of the fun things will help i.e. maybe sport or learning to cook, dance lessons or learning a new language or different craft activities ... etc.

Your post reminded me of starting at one school in particular - I was so stressed I had the notion that the way my shoe laces were tied would be interpreted as meaning something to the other kids. Funny in retrospect. Of course it didn't really and I did make friends there over time. Being the new kid only lasts until the next new kid comes along. Perhaps it would reassure them to know that lots of the other kids will be feeling that way too and that really it's one big adventure. Have they met their new teacher? That often helped me, and I think teachers these days are mostly more sensitive and supportive of children who are finding it difficult. Some schools have a buddy system for new kids too. Not sure if you have time to do it, but being a support person at the school might help them, even doing tuckshop where they can see you on their breaks. Just a few ideas. I would definitely let the school know that they are really anxious and see what supports are available.

I can imagine how drained you feel this afternoon and hope you can relax once at home.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@CheerBear Funny my kids never had school jitters .... IDK why .... maybe because we moved alot and they had to adapt ....anyway they all survived it with a bit of teasing from the class clowns and maybe a touch of bullying for daughter in year 7 but nothing she couldn't handle. Am so glad those days are gone and dusted :). Thinking of you CheerBear 🙂

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

SNAP! @Bunniekins

I wanted to see the mule yesterday but it wasn't on in the time slot I had with my sw. It looks great and Clint Eastwood is always good. Is that tonight or tomorrow? I bet your son's excited about going.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@eth tomorrow and the trailer does look fantastic 🙂 I agree Clint is the best.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Aww thank you both @eth and @Bunniekins for your thoughtful and reassuring posts!

This is a normal transition between little and big school @eth though they're out of zone and further away than all but one kid from their school who they weren't really friends with at school (but have both joined forces a bit while transition happened).

All of your suggestions are fab eth, thanks. I've put my name down for parents/fundraising committee, they've been to orientation, met their teacher, have everything they need either here or on it's way, they have a buddy system and have met their buddy... they and we have done as much as we can to get ready (yay anxiety and an almost obsessive need to be organised which appears to have been passed down a bit - poor kid 😏). Me trying to remind them of that is like taking to a wall at the moment.

Funny reading about your shoe thing (though imagining how anxious you must have been to feel like that). We have shoe issues too. I know in the grand scheme of things that what style of the same black, covered shoes as every single other kid will be wearing, really doesn't matter, but it feels like it does to mine today.

Draining yes. Getting there though. Also yes and need to try and remind myself of that.

Thank you both for listening 😊

Hope the afternoon is treating you both well ❤

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

No worries @CheerBear happy to listen. It sounds like you've done everything you can do to try to ease their transition to big school and support them once there. Who knows, they might feel completely over the anxiety within a couple of days there. You've got their back either way. Do you have an older child at the same school or is this happening with your eldest?

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@CheerBear!!

16,961 - 16,970 of 27,230