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A long rave

A long rave

Edit Feb 2018: This thread has evolved into a chat thread, which is fine by me. In addition, I encourage other members to feel free to post their own 'long raves' in here too if wished. I will continue to post my own longer raves from time to time, as well as chat with friends along the way.

Original post from May 2016:

First of all, a (very) long post alert. Please don't feel obliged to read or respond. Mainly I am writing today to clear my own head of some things. So, here goes...

Last week, I managed to get to all planned appointments and activities every day of the week except Sunday. That only amounts to one, maximum two, per day, but was an improvement on previous weeks and months. I've made all planned appointments in a week before, but there have not been so many appointments in so many days consecutively. Many of you will know that, prior to about mid last year, I spent years very rarely leaving the flat. This was since the last of my breakdowns from paid employment in 2008 (one of so many similar breakdowns from paid working, though none as devastating in consequence as this last one). With each of these breakdowns, the recovery time got longer and longer. It's taken eight years to recover much at all this time around.

This week, so far, I've made none of my appointments or activities. In fact, I've not showered for days. Embarrassing to admit but maybe helpful to own up to it. As I write I'm still in what I wore to bed, as I was all day yesterday and the day before. The weird thing is that I don't feel that bad in my emotions, just crashed out physically and lacking almost all motivation except to use the computer. In other words, my mind and fingertips are alert and active, in fact nervy and overactive as usual, but the rest of me is crashed out. Perhaps I have entered what some people call a bipolar 'mixed state'. Whatever the terminology, this is where I am and I've been here so many times before.

The way I see it, there are a number of possible reasons for the way I am after last week:

  • inner conflict about how helpful my psychologist treatment is for me (saw her on Friday);
  • trying to further reduce my tobacco intake (the struggle seems disproportionately huge and exhausting);
  • needing recovery time from a big week (by my standards);
  • simply another manifestation of bipolar disorder in me.

Regarding the psychologist. She is young compared to me and I have the feeling that she may not grasp the full extent of my situation, partly through lack of life experience. Perhaps she may particularly lack an understanding of the various physical ailments that complicate things with me, some age-related (menopause, musculo-skeletal problems), one of them a chronic illness (crohns disease). She is treating me with some techniques from Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, something I honestly have never liked the sound of when I've read about it. The main 'homework' I have for this four week period is a sheet I am meant to fill out every night covering various things including tobacco use, coffee intake, isolating, unbalance eating, sleep patterns, lack of exercise. The sheet also includes sections monitoring mood every day. The problem I find is that monitoring and (by implication) tackling all these things at once is just overwhelming. I am significantly depressed after filling out the form because it seems to highlight all the ways I am failing rather than the ways I am succeeding. The psychologist has given me this sheet as homework once before and it had the same effect on me then. A full month long slump into depression is what followed. This sheet makes me feel very pressured to recover quickly from all of these things at once, a message that contradicts the advice of my psychiatrist (who I trust much more). His advice is to take it slowly and steadily and not feel rushed. As of yesterday, I stopped using the DBT form altogether. I am even considering giving up on the therapy with this psychologist after my next (sixth) session instead of seeing it through to the ten sessions my GP is willing to refer me for.

With the difficulty of further tobacco reduction, I am succeeding in reducing this a little more but the effort is gargantuan and seems to be sapping all the strength I have for making it out the door to my activities and appointments (or even to get dressed and showered). Writing here is just about the only thing that is distracting me from smoking again or thinking about it obsessively.

I've run out of steam on writing about it all now (a huge sigh of relief from any readers at this point).

I wonder if anyone else can make any sense of this.

27230 replies

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In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

I like smaller dogs because of the 'sit on your lap and cuddle' factor @CheerBear - might be better for Noodle and Mouse also ...but I never thought I would have a dog either - always been a cat person but the moment I saw Toby I fell in love with him and now I couldn't imagine my life without him. I have never taught him to jump on the bed (his legs are a bit short anyway lol) so Cat has that and her own room as her domains - that really helps to know she is happy and secure in her own territory. They really do get on well though - just the occasional scuffle when Toby intrudes on Cats territory. I think teaching Toby that he came second for things like food and treats really helped socialise him with Cat around.

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@eth Your NYE sounds wonderful - time on the farm would be amazing and hopefully relaxing

Hi @Bunniekins always lovely to see you here

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Mouse and Noodle are pretty highly strung @Zoe7 and don't like pretty much anyone or anything outside of their immediate family, and even that can be a stretch sometimes 😆 I can see the appeal in a little lap dog but also like the idea of a big one that can tolerate sometimes pretty boisterous kids too. One of mine wants a teacup dog to fit into a little handbag and wear necklaces and jackets. Yep, nope 😉

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

I have many jackets and jumpers for Toby @CheerBear but those tiny teacup dogs are not for me either. I love that Toby is small enough to sit on my lap to cuddle

Cat is pretty tolerant of Toby and my sister's dog when he comes over. My previous cat wouldn't have tolerated either but she was definitely a one person cat.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@CheerBear @Zoe7 @Bunniekins sorry I disappeared. My sister rang from Indonesia where she's spent Christmas with just her and her husband for the first time in 12 years together. Sounding very relaxed which is nice to hear.

Needless to say we spent a good part of the conversation talking about mum. Somewhat reassuring to hear what she had to say as she's the one lives in the same city as mum and her help has been abused many a time. Sis's daughter down south apparently spends a month at a time a couple of times a year hosting mum and they have a plan that mum will live with niece when the time comes that that's what she needs/wants. First I'd heard of that. And that's enough of my energy spent on that topic!!!

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Nice to hear from your sister while she is away @eth - it must be a bit of a shock to hear the news of what your mum will do when the time comes but also a sense of relief that you will not need to look after her also - but also that feeling that if your mum can be like that with your niece why can't she be nice to you too - families hey - so tricky.

As you said though - enough of that topic - what are yur plans before you head to the farm?

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Disappeared again sorry @Zoe7. Bro and I had a chat about sis's phone call content and how we feel about her opting out so completely of mum's care. But to be fair, mum said something dreadful to her a few months ago that pushed sis beyond the edge of her capacity to be compassionate, so I do understand her (sis's) position. Bro is more upset about it because in reality it will fall to him to meet mum's needs in the interim. And he and sil are already caring for me and sil's mum here.

Between now and going to the farm I have almost nothing planned, need a good rest anyway after the last few days. Just having a support worker for about 1 1/2 hours tomorrow morning to do a few things - chemist, grocery shop and I want to get the astrological and planting guide calendar from the new age shop.

Might watch a few eps of something on iview in a while. some sort of police drama probably. To tired even to read, tho' I am into 3 books at the moment - will take them to the farm. And gradually adding things to the pile of what to take to the farm. I think we'll be there 4 or 5 days. I like to be organised well in advance so there's no last minute rush.

What are you up to today?

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@eth I like to have things orgnaised early too so there is so last minute rush. I hate being late for things too so often ready ahead of time to get to things on time.

I had a sleep this afternoon - I am still very tired so think it will be an early night tonight.

Going to try a little painting soon - was going to take Toby to the beach but too tired.

Also need to clean up a bit but that can wait - no rush.

It sounds like you all have a difficult relationship with your mother and that makes it extra hard to be around her - you have done so well these last few days to have her around and still get through okay.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Thanks @Zoe7 yes it was hard but I managed to never be alone with her and she didn't come into my cabin once. She told me she's been uncertain how to communicate with me since I exploded when she said something dreadful about my adult child's parenting. I just said "I think I've been pretty clear about boundaries" ... ! Refused to be hooked in any of her attempts with me and bro.

Painting this afternoon sounds like a lovely idea. Hope you are happy with the results.

I don't feel like going anywhere today either. I feel like I'm 'landing' after several days in caution mode and sometimes flight state. Going to watch telly for a bit now. Take care my friend.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Yes resting after a few draining days is a great idea. It certainly does catch up with you when you have been in 'caution' mode for a couple of days.

So lovely to catch up with you today too @eth - chat soon

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