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A long rave

A long rave

Edit Feb 2018: This thread has evolved into a chat thread, which is fine by me. In addition, I encourage other members to feel free to post their own 'long raves' in here too if wished. I will continue to post my own longer raves from time to time, as well as chat with friends along the way.

Original post from May 2016:

First of all, a (very) long post alert. Please don't feel obliged to read or respond. Mainly I am writing today to clear my own head of some things. So, here goes...

Last week, I managed to get to all planned appointments and activities every day of the week except Sunday. That only amounts to one, maximum two, per day, but was an improvement on previous weeks and months. I've made all planned appointments in a week before, but there have not been so many appointments in so many days consecutively. Many of you will know that, prior to about mid last year, I spent years very rarely leaving the flat. This was since the last of my breakdowns from paid employment in 2008 (one of so many similar breakdowns from paid working, though none as devastating in consequence as this last one). With each of these breakdowns, the recovery time got longer and longer. It's taken eight years to recover much at all this time around.

This week, so far, I've made none of my appointments or activities. In fact, I've not showered for days. Embarrassing to admit but maybe helpful to own up to it. As I write I'm still in what I wore to bed, as I was all day yesterday and the day before. The weird thing is that I don't feel that bad in my emotions, just crashed out physically and lacking almost all motivation except to use the computer. In other words, my mind and fingertips are alert and active, in fact nervy and overactive as usual, but the rest of me is crashed out. Perhaps I have entered what some people call a bipolar 'mixed state'. Whatever the terminology, this is where I am and I've been here so many times before.

The way I see it, there are a number of possible reasons for the way I am after last week:

  • inner conflict about how helpful my psychologist treatment is for me (saw her on Friday);
  • trying to further reduce my tobacco intake (the struggle seems disproportionately huge and exhausting);
  • needing recovery time from a big week (by my standards);
  • simply another manifestation of bipolar disorder in me.

Regarding the psychologist. She is young compared to me and I have the feeling that she may not grasp the full extent of my situation, partly through lack of life experience. Perhaps she may particularly lack an understanding of the various physical ailments that complicate things with me, some age-related (menopause, musculo-skeletal problems), one of them a chronic illness (crohns disease). She is treating me with some techniques from Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, something I honestly have never liked the sound of when I've read about it. The main 'homework' I have for this four week period is a sheet I am meant to fill out every night covering various things including tobacco use, coffee intake, isolating, unbalance eating, sleep patterns, lack of exercise. The sheet also includes sections monitoring mood every day. The problem I find is that monitoring and (by implication) tackling all these things at once is just overwhelming. I am significantly depressed after filling out the form because it seems to highlight all the ways I am failing rather than the ways I am succeeding. The psychologist has given me this sheet as homework once before and it had the same effect on me then. A full month long slump into depression is what followed. This sheet makes me feel very pressured to recover quickly from all of these things at once, a message that contradicts the advice of my psychiatrist (who I trust much more). His advice is to take it slowly and steadily and not feel rushed. As of yesterday, I stopped using the DBT form altogether. I am even considering giving up on the therapy with this psychologist after my next (sixth) session instead of seeing it through to the ten sessions my GP is willing to refer me for.

With the difficulty of further tobacco reduction, I am succeeding in reducing this a little more but the effort is gargantuan and seems to be sapping all the strength I have for making it out the door to my activities and appointments (or even to get dressed and showered). Writing here is just about the only thing that is distracting me from smoking again or thinking about it obsessively.

I've run out of steam on writing about it all now (a huge sigh of relief from any readers at this point).

I wonder if anyone else can make any sense of this.

27230 replies

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In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Shaz51 @Mazarita @Zoe7 @outlander

@eth

Hello All.

I am very tired. Meds kicked in. It has been a long and beautiful day. We were with beautiful people and the sun was shining. Life feels like it has a chance now that heavy matters have been dealt with.

Love to you All

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

So lovely to hear that you have had such a wonderful day @Appleblossom and I hope you sleep well

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Greetings from the middle of the night, everyone. It's that peaceful and still time that I love so much, about 2.15am as I start this long post. Good time to catch up on messages here over the past 24 hours or so.

Have had about three hours sleep so far tonight after a very big day. We did end up travelling to the country town about 45 minutes from here, to visit our friend, and to film him performing some of his stuff for a video I'm making. All went well. I was very tired when we got home, but excited about the new project, and so spent some hours in the evening working with the footage in the editing software. Heaps more work to go but off to a good start with it.

@CheerBear, how was your yesterday? Hoping the things that were going to happen all at once sorted themselves out okay, and that there wasn't too much stress involved. Really curious to hear how your reunion with old friend went. Love your description of your snobby, smooshy cat.

@Bunniekins, thanks for your good feelings about the results of my cardio test. I was smiling all the way home. How have things been for you lately? I read a 'worry room' post by you a couple of days ago and really felt for what you were saying about your first son. Big hugs for you and him both. Hope you have been enjoying your daytime kips, and that qui gong and other activities are continuing to bring you peace of mind and wellbeing.

@Shaz51, thanks to you too for thinking of me with my heart scare. Glad to read that you were home on Saturday morning. I don't know if you've heard of this saying, but my mum describes doing little things around the house like you were describing, as 'pottering', and she loves it too. May there be many more enjoyable Saturday mornings like this for you at home in the future as well.

Did you have cats at other times in your life? I love cats and miss them from mine at this time. I've mostly only had 'visiting cats' that have lived in the neighbourhoods I've been in at the time. Some of them have taken a shine to me and become regular drop-ins where I've lived, very welcome companions.

These days the closest I come to having pets are the currawongs that land close to me on the dividing wall of our courtyard. Yesterday there were a bunch of them, where previously there were only a couple. I realised they have started a currawong family living in the trees at our fenceline now! The babies were making funny cheeping sounds.

Awesome news about Mr Shaz enjoying being out much longer lately. Makes for a more interesting time of things for you too.

@Zoe7, hope your planning and organisation tasks yesterday and last night went well, and that your day coming is relaxing and enjoyable. You are lucky having both Toby and cats. I'm not much good at looking after animals, or people, or even me in many ways, so it's probably best that I don't have pets, or children for that matter! Great to read that you are having a better time of things with your current meds. Happy to see you in this discussion thread more lately.

@eth, reading your 'snap, snap, snap' made me smile.

Sorry your support worker cancelled at short notice on the day you had the dentist. That seems pretty poor form really, though I suppose when they are sick they can't help it. But it does really leave you in the lurch and I wish they had some backup plans when things like that happen. They are supporting people who are really depending on them for crucial functioning. Very glad bro was able to step up and help out.

I'm excited for you with the developments in travel support. I find being on the buses a really good outing these days, though I found them so hard to come at and get my head around in the beginning of the slow rehabilitation process I've been through over recent years. Looking forward to hearing more about your progress and growing confidence.

I'm personally thinking now that my chest pain may have been related to the bad stress and anxiety I went through over the commissioned video I eventually pulled out of. The pain started happening about a week after that, which might have been a delayed response. Or something. Haven't had it back lately. So seems mostly like a false alarm, but glad my GP took it seriously. Better safe than sorry when it comes to potential heart attack.

Great about your 4 hour block of sleep last night, and that there was also breakthrough with the crowd at the art exhibition. Woohoo on your new teeth!

@outlander, thanks for the reassurance on the lack of fitness pointed out by the cardiologist on Friday. Yes, let's try to somehow encourage each other with that. Really hoping the GP might have something to suggest in regards the medications and your worried mind. I wish you had a psychiatrist really, as they are likely to have more detailed understandings of how these things might be helped. But I sense that there is a scarcity of practitioners where you are. Fingers crossed the GP can help. In the meantime, hugs for what you have been experiencing. At the least I hope you can take some comfort from sharing about it on the forum, where we get it, and are always supporting you in spirit.

@Appleblossom, how wonderful that you had a long and beautiful day. Beautiful people and sunshine sounds so lovely. So good to hear that the the heavy matters are mostly now dealt with, though I know there are always things to tackle for you and son. It seems to me that you have dealt with the difficult legal processes so well (and so quietly on the forum really). Very pleased there is now some redress coming your way.

@Exoplanet, sending love always to you. Hoping the weather is treating you as kindly as possible. How are you going on your virtual deserted island? Wish I could give your velvety head a pat!

Well, I suppose I should go back to bed now. I've been writing this post for about 45 minutes! But not quite ready to do that yet. By now, and with daylight savings, it might be getting to the time CB sometimes comes online for a chat. So will wander off and get myself a drink, go outside and check out the late night sky for a bit, and come back and see if anyone's around.

Hope most if not all are sleeping peacefully as I write. Sending good vibes to your dreaming this night.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Good morning @Mazarita and anyone else who may be up too. Love your long, th pi thoughtful posts. When I've decided sleep is no longer happening for the night, I come and visit this thread to see if there is one here. I was here just as you pushed post it seems 🙂

Good to hear yesterday went well and that you are excited about this next project. Dud you stay for dinner there as I think you mentioned you might the other day?

I juggled well and had a pretty good day yesterday thanks. Friend wasn't there as she was sick, but her husband was and he remembered us. He gave me a huge hug and we caught up for about an hour. He told me that he was someone who left his life as a young person, in the tiny hours one night when his mum fled family violence. He said it was the best thing that happened to him, even if it was hard for a while, and that he thinks the world of his mum. Then he said a bunch of stuff about what he thought of us doing a similar thing. I felt full of feelings and it was a very heart healing catch up.

How's the sky looking this morning?

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@CheerBear, great timing.

You seem to be very good at juggling, though I know what a struggle it can be for you too. Glad it worked out okay with things yesterday. So wonderful to read about your encounter with your friend's husband. Hugs and deep and meaningful sharing can be so healing. I'm sure it was very heartening to hear about his early life experiences and how much he thinks of his mum.

We didn't stay for dinner on our visit yesterday, though our friend invited us to do that. C was a bit hungover from his Friday night drinks, and also felt a bit viral from something he picked up at work. Childcare centres are breeding grounds for that kind of thing, and he suffers from malaises with it regularly. Luckily it seems he has built up some kind of immunity, as he used to suffer a lot more from the bugs. It's consistently been the worst thing about his job, which otherwise has many rewards, especially interracting with the children. That makes up a lot, I think, for the lack of children of his own.

The sky is dark and the stars lovely to look at. How are things where you are? I'm imagining you might still be in bed with smooshy cat.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

It was a pretty special catch up @Mazarita, and one I won't forget for a while. It felt like hope. It was hard in that it brought up lots of memories of when we left, even though we didn't really talk about it, and I miss everyone so much still, but it was so good in lots of ways. After that we (big and I) went to do a couple of hours at a bbq fundraiser which was really fun. We had a funny teacher and middles favourite friends mum there helping at the same time. Some good chatter and laughing 🙂

Can imagine the things C might pick up working where he does. My kids used to come home with all kinds of things from being in pre-school rooms. It's great that the rewards for the work make it worth it though. Teachers and people who work in classes/looking after children are pretty special people. I think he'd have to be pretty kind and patient to do that.

We have dark skies still and twinkling stars. The sky is halved by a thick blanket of cloud on one side.

How's today looking for you?

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@CheerBear, sounds like a very special encounter you had. I know from experience that deeply emotional and moving experiences like that can be good and bad in different ways. These days I prefer them not too often, so that there's time to process what has happened, and find balance again. But overall it sounds very healing. Great to hear you had some lighter chatter and laughter later too.

C is very kind and patient. He's been amazingly patient with me. I love too how he is happy to drive and be helpful in whatever way is useful on a day like yesterday. He makes videos too, so it would be easy for him to be ego-challenged by me taking the director's role with his camera! But he's just not like that. I wouldn't be able to do what I do creatively without his regular backup in various ways. As I often say, I am very lucky to have found such a good friend and companion.

Today I will be getting into more of the video editing. Hoping to visit our close friend who lives nearby sometime too. Other than that, a quiet day.

What's on the cards for your day?

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Love hearing about C and the relationship you have @Mazarita. So great for you that you have him in your life, though I have a feeling you'd be a pretty great C for him too.

Thinking it may be nice to have a home-ish day or one that will be a pace that suits you by the sound of it, after going out the last few.

Not much on today as it will be a getting ready for the week kind of one. I am feeling a bit blegh at the idea of the coming week and need some space to get ready, even if it is just mentally. We have the start of muddled middles appointments this week and I have my NDIS planning meeting, plus person will be needing to get ready for other to be discharged. That's a big stress one as they're not sure how they're going to manage, both in a practical sense (stairs, shower, appointments, finances etc.) and in an emotional sense. It's like it wiil be crunch time for a lot all at once this next week I think

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

It does sound like a big week, @CheerBear, and mentally preparing for it seems wise, even if there's nothing practical to be done just yet. Seems a good thing that middle's appointments start this week, though I realise too how challenging that might be for you both. Good that things might be at the beginning of movement towards healing with their problems. Wishing you both the smoothest experience with it possible.

Feeling too for your loved one needing to come to terms with how to look after their partner after hospital and rehab. How are the support possibilities for them both progressing? Seems like they will both need that, and that it would make their whole experience more livable.

Thanks for your kind thought about me being a good C to him. I'm not too bad for him on the whole these days, always working towards being more and more independent of my need for him to care for me. I've made a lot of slow progress in this way over recent years, but still room for improvement. The day I cook a meal for him that is more than toasties will be a very large step! I do think his life is better now than when he was alone and talking to himself a lot, not to mention living so much more in his own wild and crazy mind. Yes, I am good for him, though I've given him a very hard ride of it at times past. Very thankful he's stuck with me through thick and thin and we are now both reaping the rewards of a long and close experience and knowledge of each other.

I want to tell you about another new video project that's just starting up for me, but I want to press post on this one first so you don't have to wait forever for my reply to your previous post!

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Support I think will depend on how willing they are to say how things really are @Mazarita, which has been a lifelong issue/struggle. I've been trying so hard to encourage them to do it, but it is up to them. It also depends on support picking up on it and being helpful, rather than bouncing them from place to place. Some of the practical things might be covered by the hospital and links through there though. Once they leave I am too far away to help like I would like to and they dont have many other people. Crossing everything.

Al the warm fuzzies with you and C ❤

Looking forward to hearing about the new project!
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