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A long rave

A long rave

Edit Feb 2018: This thread has evolved into a chat thread, which is fine by me. In addition, I encourage other members to feel free to post their own 'long raves' in here too if wished. I will continue to post my own longer raves from time to time, as well as chat with friends along the way.

Original post from May 2016:

First of all, a (very) long post alert. Please don't feel obliged to read or respond. Mainly I am writing today to clear my own head of some things. So, here goes...

Last week, I managed to get to all planned appointments and activities every day of the week except Sunday. That only amounts to one, maximum two, per day, but was an improvement on previous weeks and months. I've made all planned appointments in a week before, but there have not been so many appointments in so many days consecutively. Many of you will know that, prior to about mid last year, I spent years very rarely leaving the flat. This was since the last of my breakdowns from paid employment in 2008 (one of so many similar breakdowns from paid working, though none as devastating in consequence as this last one). With each of these breakdowns, the recovery time got longer and longer. It's taken eight years to recover much at all this time around.

This week, so far, I've made none of my appointments or activities. In fact, I've not showered for days. Embarrassing to admit but maybe helpful to own up to it. As I write I'm still in what I wore to bed, as I was all day yesterday and the day before. The weird thing is that I don't feel that bad in my emotions, just crashed out physically and lacking almost all motivation except to use the computer. In other words, my mind and fingertips are alert and active, in fact nervy and overactive as usual, but the rest of me is crashed out. Perhaps I have entered what some people call a bipolar 'mixed state'. Whatever the terminology, this is where I am and I've been here so many times before.

The way I see it, there are a number of possible reasons for the way I am after last week:

  • inner conflict about how helpful my psychologist treatment is for me (saw her on Friday);
  • trying to further reduce my tobacco intake (the struggle seems disproportionately huge and exhausting);
  • needing recovery time from a big week (by my standards);
  • simply another manifestation of bipolar disorder in me.

Regarding the psychologist. She is young compared to me and I have the feeling that she may not grasp the full extent of my situation, partly through lack of life experience. Perhaps she may particularly lack an understanding of the various physical ailments that complicate things with me, some age-related (menopause, musculo-skeletal problems), one of them a chronic illness (crohns disease). She is treating me with some techniques from Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, something I honestly have never liked the sound of when I've read about it. The main 'homework' I have for this four week period is a sheet I am meant to fill out every night covering various things including tobacco use, coffee intake, isolating, unbalance eating, sleep patterns, lack of exercise. The sheet also includes sections monitoring mood every day. The problem I find is that monitoring and (by implication) tackling all these things at once is just overwhelming. I am significantly depressed after filling out the form because it seems to highlight all the ways I am failing rather than the ways I am succeeding. The psychologist has given me this sheet as homework once before and it had the same effect on me then. A full month long slump into depression is what followed. This sheet makes me feel very pressured to recover quickly from all of these things at once, a message that contradicts the advice of my psychiatrist (who I trust much more). His advice is to take it slowly and steadily and not feel rushed. As of yesterday, I stopped using the DBT form altogether. I am even considering giving up on the therapy with this psychologist after my next (sixth) session instead of seeing it through to the ten sessions my GP is willing to refer me for.

With the difficulty of further tobacco reduction, I am succeeding in reducing this a little more but the effort is gargantuan and seems to be sapping all the strength I have for making it out the door to my activities and appointments (or even to get dressed and showered). Writing here is just about the only thing that is distracting me from smoking again or thinking about it obsessively.

I've run out of steam on writing about it all now (a huge sigh of relief from any readers at this point).

I wonder if anyone else can make any sense of this.

27230 replies

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In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hugs again for your yesterday, @CheerBear. What was the Topic Tuesday. I seem to have missed that one.

Today I'm hoping to go to art group, after having a much needed shower. Although I've been better with the showering lately, it's one of the first things that goes out the window when I get into strife with my mental health.

Also, I've finally been given permission by my physio to do some longer walks (not just between buses), so I'm planning on walking the 2km to the mental health centre where the art group is held. That's the max the physio wants me to do on the flat. Have a couple of errands to do while I'm there in the local shopping village. After that home again for mostly quiet afternoon/evening.

Physio has also said I'm allowed to take one walk on the beach per week again. Tides aren't right for it just now (always go at low tide for ease of walking). But the weekend looks better. Looking forward to that, as it feels like it's been a very long while since I was there.

What's happening in your world today, as far as you can see it at this early time?

What's on for you today?

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Thanks @Mazarita. The Topic Tuesday was over on the carers forum on parenting and some people from PANDA were special guests. It was interesting to stop and really think about what life was like when my babies were newborns.

I was wondering whether you might get to art group today and am pleased for you that it sounds you may. It sounds like it can be really enjoyable for you. Do you know what you're doing there this week? And huge yay for beach walks again! That's awesome!

Today I'm off to visit person with other person. They had a last minute change of plans again yesterday and were moved to hospital rather than rehab for another procedure. Hopefully they'll get to rehab tomorrow now. That's about all I have on I think.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Thanks, @CheerBear. We never know what's on the menu at art group until we get there.

Cool to hear about the Topic Tuesday on the Carers Forum. Sounds really helpful with PANDA there.

Sorry to hear the move to rehab for your person has been delayed by another procedure. That would be hard for them, but good that the delay sounds like it will be only one day (though I know from experience a day in hospital can feel like an eternity). Glad there's nothing else that is pressing on you at this stage.

How is your other person, the one that is staying with you, holding up during this time? Was it them that you were feeling like a punching bag with?

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

It was them and my new friend @Mazarita. Other person isn't coping so well at the moment and has a lot of worry about life after hospital and what it means for them. I've been a shoulder and ears for stress and tears a lot and that's been totally fine most of the time, but yesterday I couldn't do it. I had a lot of my own stuff to juggle in my head and with the kids, and it was bit too much.

Friend is having a bad time too and doing a lot of venting, in sometimes a bit of an aggressive way which doesnt feel great either. I'm struggling to support them as it seems they need hours of talking about the same stuff over and over again. I feel a switch off now and that's not great for him or me.

Blah! Sorry. It was sucky yesterday.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Oh, that does sound hard, @CheerBear. Pity that new friend is adding to the weight of what's going on for you and other loved ones at this time. The aggression part sounds particularly not good, and if it was me I might be inclined to send him away for a while to be helped by his other supports if possible. Hours and hours of talking about the same stuff, not what you need right now, or perhaps ever. Hoping there's some other way that can be handled for now and the future. More hugs.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Thanks for understanding @Mazarita. The sometimes aggressive stuff is a red flag for me and is never going to feel good. I've tried to encourage extra support but it is much easier and better feeling for them I think to vent to me than to do something else about it. I think a big problem I have is seeing what's going on for them both and feeling with them and getting it, but not having the time or energy to always cope well with it. It's not forever though and I'm trying to put boundaries in place and look after me too. And I haven't crashed yet which is a bonus 😉 Thank you again for listening. I really appreciate it.

It's funny weather here this morning. We had rain last night so it's very wet but it is still pretty warm. Reminds me a little of where you are.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Any aggression would be a red flag for me too, @CheerBear, and I haven't gone through what you have with the DV trauma.

Forgive me if I'm saying too much about it, but I really think it's not helpful at all for you to have to listen to him venting. I used to do that a lot in past relationships, and actually it wasn't helpful to me either, and tended to get my loved one enmeshed in my turbulent feelings, thereby making it easier for me to lash out at them when there wasn't a fix for the problem I was obsessing about. I'd get angry at them for not fixing it for me. A bad road to travel. I really think they have to try to find someone else to support them with that stuff, preferably a professional who might have more developed skills in circumventing the out loud ruminating, and might have some techniques he can work on to help himself.

Anyway, I'm feeling a bit grrrr towards him on your behalf.

To get away from that yucky subject, sounds like you have a humid morning happening. That is like here, though the rain is not that common really. Just had an unusual length of time with the rain a little while ago. Lately it's been mostly sunny again, as is more the norm. Warming up a fair bit as it does at this time of year. Wearing my strappy dresses almost all the time already.

Birds have just started up here. Blue light in the sky. That lovely time of day.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

I really appreciate hearing your perspective and experience there @Mazarita and totally understand where you're coming from. I'll keep working on those sometimes difficult to enforce (for want of a better word) boundaries.

Have you had any decent storms lately where you are? From memory this time of the year had some impressive skies often. Yay for strappy dresses! I am slowly building a collection of dresses, something I hadn't owned until the last year or so. I'm learning how to wear them when it is windy and imagine myself looking kind of ridiculous sometimes with my clumsy awkwardness haha.

We have pink tinged clouds here. Traffic building also telling me that the morning is moving along.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

There were some storms maybe a couple of weeks ago, @CheerBear. They're pretty dramatic here but for some reason they mostly tend to go around us rather than hit right on top of us. That's good because I get a bit scared in storms. Used to love them and even fantasised about getting on top of a mountain top and dancing in a storm at one point. That was a fairly manic point though, lol.

When I first came up this way over 16 years ago, I was expecting a more monsoonal kind of weather, with afternoon storms just about every day. But it's really not been like that most of the time I've been here. The storms are only occasional really. Would be different a bit further north, I imagine. Skies are not that dramatic here for the most part. Mostly it's one day sunny, and the next day sunny.

I hear you on wearing dresses in the wind. I don't think there is a graceful way of trying to keep your dress down, lol.

Pink tinged clouds sound beautiful.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Storms directly over you can be pretty scary @Mazarita. I remember the house used to shake a bit with the rumbling thunder sometimes, though maybe that was a little person memory or perception. A bit lol with your fantasy of dancing on a mountain in a storm 😮😆 Sometimes I dream of being a storm chaser in tornado alley, though I'm way more of a chicken than I like to think I am!

Great to hear that there's maybe not a graceful way to keep a dress down haha. I think I'll resort to bike shorts and laughing about it 😁

I'm going to head off (after I write a hi reply on another thread). Thanks heaps for the chat. Loved it. Really hope your day is another one that goes well and that you have some enjoyable moments in it ❤❤
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