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A long rave

A long rave

Edit Feb 2018: This thread has evolved into a chat thread, which is fine by me. In addition, I encourage other members to feel free to post their own 'long raves' in here too if wished. I will continue to post my own longer raves from time to time, as well as chat with friends along the way.

Original post from May 2016:

First of all, a (very) long post alert. Please don't feel obliged to read or respond. Mainly I am writing today to clear my own head of some things. So, here goes...

Last week, I managed to get to all planned appointments and activities every day of the week except Sunday. That only amounts to one, maximum two, per day, but was an improvement on previous weeks and months. I've made all planned appointments in a week before, but there have not been so many appointments in so many days consecutively. Many of you will know that, prior to about mid last year, I spent years very rarely leaving the flat. This was since the last of my breakdowns from paid employment in 2008 (one of so many similar breakdowns from paid working, though none as devastating in consequence as this last one). With each of these breakdowns, the recovery time got longer and longer. It's taken eight years to recover much at all this time around.

This week, so far, I've made none of my appointments or activities. In fact, I've not showered for days. Embarrassing to admit but maybe helpful to own up to it. As I write I'm still in what I wore to bed, as I was all day yesterday and the day before. The weird thing is that I don't feel that bad in my emotions, just crashed out physically and lacking almost all motivation except to use the computer. In other words, my mind and fingertips are alert and active, in fact nervy and overactive as usual, but the rest of me is crashed out. Perhaps I have entered what some people call a bipolar 'mixed state'. Whatever the terminology, this is where I am and I've been here so many times before.

The way I see it, there are a number of possible reasons for the way I am after last week:

  • inner conflict about how helpful my psychologist treatment is for me (saw her on Friday);
  • trying to further reduce my tobacco intake (the struggle seems disproportionately huge and exhausting);
  • needing recovery time from a big week (by my standards);
  • simply another manifestation of bipolar disorder in me.

Regarding the psychologist. She is young compared to me and I have the feeling that she may not grasp the full extent of my situation, partly through lack of life experience. Perhaps she may particularly lack an understanding of the various physical ailments that complicate things with me, some age-related (menopause, musculo-skeletal problems), one of them a chronic illness (crohns disease). She is treating me with some techniques from Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, something I honestly have never liked the sound of when I've read about it. The main 'homework' I have for this four week period is a sheet I am meant to fill out every night covering various things including tobacco use, coffee intake, isolating, unbalance eating, sleep patterns, lack of exercise. The sheet also includes sections monitoring mood every day. The problem I find is that monitoring and (by implication) tackling all these things at once is just overwhelming. I am significantly depressed after filling out the form because it seems to highlight all the ways I am failing rather than the ways I am succeeding. The psychologist has given me this sheet as homework once before and it had the same effect on me then. A full month long slump into depression is what followed. This sheet makes me feel very pressured to recover quickly from all of these things at once, a message that contradicts the advice of my psychiatrist (who I trust much more). His advice is to take it slowly and steadily and not feel rushed. As of yesterday, I stopped using the DBT form altogether. I am even considering giving up on the therapy with this psychologist after my next (sixth) session instead of seeing it through to the ten sessions my GP is willing to refer me for.

With the difficulty of further tobacco reduction, I am succeeding in reducing this a little more but the effort is gargantuan and seems to be sapping all the strength I have for making it out the door to my activities and appointments (or even to get dressed and showered). Writing here is just about the only thing that is distracting me from smoking again or thinking about it obsessively.

I've run out of steam on writing about it all now (a huge sigh of relief from any readers at this point).

I wonder if anyone else can make any sense of this.

27230 replies

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In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

OMG The fence contractor's here!!!!

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Woohooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! @Exoplanet

So happy this day has arrived for you at last!

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

A dark rave from me this morning.

Have barely been leaving the flat again lately and spending way too much time in bed. It's art group today and I just don't want to go. I desperately need a shower as it's possibly been 10 days since I had my last one and now don't really have the time to do that before I'd need to be out the door.

I don't feel extremely sad in my mood, just extremely apathetic about everything. It's a response to the recent couple of weeks of terribly high anxiety I had over the video project that I ended up having to pull out of. Failing to achieve that has left me feeling like life is meaningless when I can't even manage to do the one thing I seem to be good at.

In fact, having some kind of 'career' has been of very high importance to me in my life, from an early age. Much more than having children, I have been ambitious about having success in some occupation. It's been so terribly difficult to fail time and time again in the vast number of regular jobs I've had in my life. Breaking down time and time again over decades from my work situations has brought on very big depressions that were more and more difficult to recover from. In fact, I have never recovered the ground lost over time.

My (mostly non-paying) artistic life is the only thing that has really helped me maintain any kind of self esteem in this regard over time and, at the moment, I feel pretty hopeless about that too.

I will probably recover to some extent again at some point, but for now I'm not in a very good place. I wish I'd never taken on that ambitious commissioned project recently. I was doing much better moving slowly forward with my life in a steady way, and slowly getting back to my own creative projects, the ones I initiate myself and have received modest recognition for over decades.

I wish I'd been given the disability pension when I was much younger and struggling so much with any kind of employment, before I had to fail a million times over and be sent further and further into mental illness from the trauma of breaking down each time (not to mention the extreme financial stress of trying to live on the equivalent of Newstart).

I feel angry at people who encourage people with mental illness to attain employment above all else. It's often at further damage to our mental health in my view.

'Whatever doesn't k*ll you, only makes you stronger', they say. Not so much if it leaves you even more crippled than before.

Here's an example of how apathetic I am at the moment. Yesterday, while I was back in bed for yet another sleep, I turned over on my left side and felt a strong chest pain starting to happen. I lay on my back as it spread from the centre of my chest, radiating to my neck and jaw and into my back behind the shoulder blades. I've never had such a pain before but I knew it could be a dangerous sign of heart trouble. I'm a smoker, get little exercise, am overweight and just at the right age for a heart attack to occur. As I contemplated this, I discovered I really didn't care if I died at that moment. The pain rose to a crescendo and then subsided again in a matter of minutes. Later in the day, I rang the government health line and talked to a nurse about it. She told me to call an ambulance if it happened again.

But at the time it happened, I was more interested in going to sleep. And that's just what I did.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Mazarita sending many many hugs

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Thanks, @outlander. Same back to you.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Mazarita

I can relate to a lot in your message having had serious anxiety issues in the past and now being completely overwhelmed with my carering responsibilities which are really draining me at the moment. I am taking a break from this soon because I can feel myself slipping and if I slip, I’m no use to anyone! It’s often just best to stay in bed because it’s comfortable there and you don’t need to face the outside world.

Having come from an artist family I can also relate to the struggles facing this and the desire to have a successful career. I also get that you need to address your mental health issues instead of try to get a job as a cure.

2 aspects of your rave are concerning to me and based on my experiences with my son are not good signs. The first is personal hygiene and I continual ask my son to take a shower. The other is your comment “I discovered I really didn't care if I died at that moment.” @Mazarita Please talk to someone about this because these are both not good signs. Keep truck’n and remember there is a lot of beauty in the world and you always have friends here. Take care xxxx

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Thanks for your kind response, @Dadcaringalone. I've had long term problems with apathetic feelings and personal hygiene, as part of my bipolar 1. They tend to go up and down in intensity but always seem to be something I'm struggling with.

I am in no way actively suicidal at this time. That's only happened once in my life, a long time ago, in my late 20s (I'm now 56). I have been seeing psychiatrists since that suicidal time, and currently have a very good one I've been seeing at least monthly for about four years. I also have a wonderful psychologist (been seeing her for one year) and GP (who has been treating me for 10 years).

They all know about my depressive and anxious symptoms which have been with me since I can ever remember as a child (the manic side of my bipolar only came later). There's not much that anyone else can do for me just now. I just need to recover from another occupational disappointment in my life. I was consistently top of the class academically when I was at school and expected much more of myself in life.

Possibly my biggest challenge now is to be more accepting of the value of simple things in life and less concerned by my occupational status. I am fortunate and blessed in many ways. My life is far less difficult now that I have the basic security of a livable pension, than when I was constantly pushing myself towards unrealistic ambitions (given my mental and physical health disabilities). I just wish I'd learned to live within my limitatations better when I was younger. It may have made my life path a lot more rewarding.

My kindest wishes for you caring for your son while trying to take care of your own mental health. From what I've been reading here and on the bipolar thread, your son seems as though he is going through a terrible time with his bipolar, and making life extremely difficult too for those around him (something I've done myself in my younger years). Is it possible he is under too much stress to succeed, in a way similar to what I described? Life is not all about career and occupation, as I am still learning at this age now. In any case, I hope things improve for you both soon and that there is more peace and wellbeing to be found.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Mazarita

So happy you are seeing all your therapists and they are fully aware of your condition. Just reading about your situation from afar, I feel you are doing amazingly. It sounds like you have put your suicidal thoughts well behind you and I was very happy to read your insights about appreciating the value of simple things in life! These are what in fact holds the beauty of life, its often the really simple, often mundane things we need to get out of bed to do which hold the most profound life lessons. I have many friends and family members that appear on the surface to be successful in their chosen careers, who are very dissatisfied about their lives and wish they had more time in bed or to do the simple things in life. How many successful executives say on the deathbeds, I wished I had spent longer in the office?! This is certainly the case for my wife who is living her career dream but she’s not very happy. She’s also the one who’s putting my son under the stress to succeed and I’m always the one who’s left to pick up the mental health pieces when he continually falls off the manic train, which I can see is going to happen again soon and we will be back where we started. You captured the essence of our current situation brilliantly especially when you commented that he’s making life really difficult for all those around him, especially me! Unlike you, he lacks insight and it’s amazing how age gives you a more mature perspective on things. I wish you well and hope you managed to get out of bed and keep truck’n. I’m taking a break soon because I can feel myself slipping while trying my best to support my son. Take care xxx

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

ending you lots of tender hugs my scotirish sister @Mazarita

Hello @Dadcaringalone, @outlander, @Exoplanet, @Bunniekins, @eth

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Sending you lots of love this early morning @Mazarita ❤💛💚 Thinking of you x
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