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A long rave

A long rave

Edit Feb 2018: This thread has evolved into a chat thread, which is fine by me. In addition, I encourage other members to feel free to post their own 'long raves' in here too if wished. I will continue to post my own longer raves from time to time, as well as chat with friends along the way.

Original post from May 2016:

First of all, a (very) long post alert. Please don't feel obliged to read or respond. Mainly I am writing today to clear my own head of some things. So, here goes...

Last week, I managed to get to all planned appointments and activities every day of the week except Sunday. That only amounts to one, maximum two, per day, but was an improvement on previous weeks and months. I've made all planned appointments in a week before, but there have not been so many appointments in so many days consecutively. Many of you will know that, prior to about mid last year, I spent years very rarely leaving the flat. This was since the last of my breakdowns from paid employment in 2008 (one of so many similar breakdowns from paid working, though none as devastating in consequence as this last one). With each of these breakdowns, the recovery time got longer and longer. It's taken eight years to recover much at all this time around.

This week, so far, I've made none of my appointments or activities. In fact, I've not showered for days. Embarrassing to admit but maybe helpful to own up to it. As I write I'm still in what I wore to bed, as I was all day yesterday and the day before. The weird thing is that I don't feel that bad in my emotions, just crashed out physically and lacking almost all motivation except to use the computer. In other words, my mind and fingertips are alert and active, in fact nervy and overactive as usual, but the rest of me is crashed out. Perhaps I have entered what some people call a bipolar 'mixed state'. Whatever the terminology, this is where I am and I've been here so many times before.

The way I see it, there are a number of possible reasons for the way I am after last week:

  • inner conflict about how helpful my psychologist treatment is for me (saw her on Friday);
  • trying to further reduce my tobacco intake (the struggle seems disproportionately huge and exhausting);
  • needing recovery time from a big week (by my standards);
  • simply another manifestation of bipolar disorder in me.

Regarding the psychologist. She is young compared to me and I have the feeling that she may not grasp the full extent of my situation, partly through lack of life experience. Perhaps she may particularly lack an understanding of the various physical ailments that complicate things with me, some age-related (menopause, musculo-skeletal problems), one of them a chronic illness (crohns disease). She is treating me with some techniques from Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, something I honestly have never liked the sound of when I've read about it. The main 'homework' I have for this four week period is a sheet I am meant to fill out every night covering various things including tobacco use, coffee intake, isolating, unbalance eating, sleep patterns, lack of exercise. The sheet also includes sections monitoring mood every day. The problem I find is that monitoring and (by implication) tackling all these things at once is just overwhelming. I am significantly depressed after filling out the form because it seems to highlight all the ways I am failing rather than the ways I am succeeding. The psychologist has given me this sheet as homework once before and it had the same effect on me then. A full month long slump into depression is what followed. This sheet makes me feel very pressured to recover quickly from all of these things at once, a message that contradicts the advice of my psychiatrist (who I trust much more). His advice is to take it slowly and steadily and not feel rushed. As of yesterday, I stopped using the DBT form altogether. I am even considering giving up on the therapy with this psychologist after my next (sixth) session instead of seeing it through to the ten sessions my GP is willing to refer me for.

With the difficulty of further tobacco reduction, I am succeeding in reducing this a little more but the effort is gargantuan and seems to be sapping all the strength I have for making it out the door to my activities and appointments (or even to get dressed and showered). Writing here is just about the only thing that is distracting me from smoking again or thinking about it obsessively.

I've run out of steam on writing about it all now (a huge sigh of relief from any readers at this point).

I wonder if anyone else can make any sense of this.

27230 replies

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In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

I can only earn so much... if worked full time in my trade which there isn’t full time in this town because of the type of trade I am qualified in, mostly casual i would be paying a fortune in child care fees anyway...

Part of the reason why I am changing careers is to be better of financially and never land myself in a s**ty situation ever again & to be able to stand on our own two feet without some guy controlling us @outlander see it too much

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@outlander you did really well. I couldn't have done it. xxx

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

oh yes it is super hard @Former-Member its super stressful for me to esp when pop blames me for the financial struggles as well. it can definently feel like a punishment cant it! it is really sucky but i guess sometimes the other alternative of staying where you are isnt the best answer either. having a little one can make things even harder as well esp when the unexpected things happen like being sick or needing to be home from school, or having fussy eaters as well.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

it shocking the child care fees isnt it! @Former-Member
my youngest sister isnt in child care anymore but when she was my mum could only affford 2 days a week even with work and me helping with the care because of the high fees some have! it sucks cause you need to work so you have money but heaps goes when littlies are in pre-school.
i hope your new career will be muhc better suited to you and your girl. i can imagine it would take added stress off of you too.


@Bunniekins dinner wasnt cooked till 730 so it made for a late night. pop says he wasnt going to stay long but i had to drag him out the door at 9 lol

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Thank you @Bunniekins yes it makes it hard when the ex's make a horrible remark about the kids and it set's them off, they have a hard enough time trying to fit into society without having a parent or family saying negative things to them, they should know better but they just leave for us to pick up the pieces. and it is so hard for there brothers and sisters to see it as well.

morning @outlander @Mazarita @Former-Member hope today gets to be slightly better for all

I have a cooking group at 12 which is new,part of me wants to go but part of me doesn't want to leave house.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

I will blame my ex @outlander it was just a very deliberate in a way to control me by putting me in every house and f**n off then coming back all the time until I stopped myself from being treated like his door mat...

& his puppet. Wish I left the first time. Yeah not sure what’s happening on you’re side. Yes it’s always changing, you go through a lot when you are a parent.

Sometimes I have bags full of groceries in two hands and my daughter on me in another lol.

it gets hard...don’t think anyone really understands the challenges of single parenting until they are one. Staying here just makes me feel unsafe and dirty because of the violation of privacy. I had the landlord rock up unannounced and ask questions he already knows the answer too, he also wanted a photo of my electricity bill which I found odd

almost like he was pretending to help me, judging me before he knew what really happened but actually prying illegally. Literally can see through others c**p more these days because of everything that has happened.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@saturnzoon i hope your cooking group is ok. send some of what you make my way wont you?


@Former-Member dont be to hard on yourself, you couldnt have know it was going to come to this. you are the victim here ok. wow that is really odd of your landlord, i dont think they can just turn up unannounced and definently not have pictures of your personal bills/things.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@outlander Hahaha! your pop was having a good time, that is nice and good for you will hopefully keep him in a better mood this week 🙂

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

i hope so @Bunniekins and thanks for your support yesterday too. i very much appreciate it

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@outlander 🙂 anytime you are a good friend outlander xxx

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