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A long rave

A long rave

Edit Feb 2018: This thread has evolved into a chat thread, which is fine by me. In addition, I encourage other members to feel free to post their own 'long raves' in here too if wished. I will continue to post my own longer raves from time to time, as well as chat with friends along the way.

Original post from May 2016:

First of all, a (very) long post alert. Please don't feel obliged to read or respond. Mainly I am writing today to clear my own head of some things. So, here goes...

Last week, I managed to get to all planned appointments and activities every day of the week except Sunday. That only amounts to one, maximum two, per day, but was an improvement on previous weeks and months. I've made all planned appointments in a week before, but there have not been so many appointments in so many days consecutively. Many of you will know that, prior to about mid last year, I spent years very rarely leaving the flat. This was since the last of my breakdowns from paid employment in 2008 (one of so many similar breakdowns from paid working, though none as devastating in consequence as this last one). With each of these breakdowns, the recovery time got longer and longer. It's taken eight years to recover much at all this time around.

This week, so far, I've made none of my appointments or activities. In fact, I've not showered for days. Embarrassing to admit but maybe helpful to own up to it. As I write I'm still in what I wore to bed, as I was all day yesterday and the day before. The weird thing is that I don't feel that bad in my emotions, just crashed out physically and lacking almost all motivation except to use the computer. In other words, my mind and fingertips are alert and active, in fact nervy and overactive as usual, but the rest of me is crashed out. Perhaps I have entered what some people call a bipolar 'mixed state'. Whatever the terminology, this is where I am and I've been here so many times before.

The way I see it, there are a number of possible reasons for the way I am after last week:

  • inner conflict about how helpful my psychologist treatment is for me (saw her on Friday);
  • trying to further reduce my tobacco intake (the struggle seems disproportionately huge and exhausting);
  • needing recovery time from a big week (by my standards);
  • simply another manifestation of bipolar disorder in me.

Regarding the psychologist. She is young compared to me and I have the feeling that she may not grasp the full extent of my situation, partly through lack of life experience. Perhaps she may particularly lack an understanding of the various physical ailments that complicate things with me, some age-related (menopause, musculo-skeletal problems), one of them a chronic illness (crohns disease). She is treating me with some techniques from Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, something I honestly have never liked the sound of when I've read about it. The main 'homework' I have for this four week period is a sheet I am meant to fill out every night covering various things including tobacco use, coffee intake, isolating, unbalance eating, sleep patterns, lack of exercise. The sheet also includes sections monitoring mood every day. The problem I find is that monitoring and (by implication) tackling all these things at once is just overwhelming. I am significantly depressed after filling out the form because it seems to highlight all the ways I am failing rather than the ways I am succeeding. The psychologist has given me this sheet as homework once before and it had the same effect on me then. A full month long slump into depression is what followed. This sheet makes me feel very pressured to recover quickly from all of these things at once, a message that contradicts the advice of my psychiatrist (who I trust much more). His advice is to take it slowly and steadily and not feel rushed. As of yesterday, I stopped using the DBT form altogether. I am even considering giving up on the therapy with this psychologist after my next (sixth) session instead of seeing it through to the ten sessions my GP is willing to refer me for.

With the difficulty of further tobacco reduction, I am succeeding in reducing this a little more but the effort is gargantuan and seems to be sapping all the strength I have for making it out the door to my activities and appointments (or even to get dressed and showered). Writing here is just about the only thing that is distracting me from smoking again or thinking about it obsessively.

I've run out of steam on writing about it all now (a huge sigh of relief from any readers at this point).

I wonder if anyone else can make any sense of this.

27230 replies

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In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

No not entirely @Mazarita I have fruit and yoghurt, freezer to mini oven savoury pastries, sandwiches and the like but also cook in the big house twice a week dinner and make sure there's left overs, plus eat with bro and sil at least another twice a week and usually have take-aways once a week. So the microwave meals are really only a couple of nights a week. Plus you can get some really healthy options for that these days e.g. marinated salmon fillets, frozen steamed veggies, lentil burgers, and a couple of brands of complete meals that I like - Healthy Choice and Super Foods. Plus sometimes I go for the classics - Coles brand tuna bake or bolognese, On-The-Menu fish and chips or chicken kiev - both have veggies on the plate as well. Rave over!!

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hi @Teej good to see you! I hope today is good for you. I know what it's like to rent from family members - I'm on view here 7 days a week!

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Teej, it helps me to write a list (on the computer) and tick off each item as I go. I break it down into small tasks I can do and then take a breather before starting on the next. Slowly I get through it, especially when there's a flat inspection coming up.

@eth, that sounds fine with your diet. Mine barely has a vegetable in it but I do get the fruit smoothies every couple of days at least. Reminds me of a time I lived for a couple of months in a motel in the US (long story). The room had no kitchen so I pretty much lived on Wendy's chilli, muffins, bananas and Dr Pepper!

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hi @eth. Loved that rave. I’m just starting to go into the world of cooking for one 5 nights a week. I’m down to one kid who only comes twice a week. It’s hit me how much I was motivated by trying to cook for the other two. I know I’ll have to do better than I have. I fell into a huge hole when they left, not just because they left but a ton of things hit me at once.

@Mazarita I’ve lived off toast and toasted sandwiches since they left.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

LOL @Mazarita same for me when I had 2 months in Denmark. The first month I lived on sushi or maccas within a block of the motel. The 2nd month I lived on rye crackers with jam or peanut butter and risariso from close to the camping ground. I refer to that time of my life as my own Vipassana retreat!

I lost 10 kg - maybe I should do it again!

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Teej I empathise with you. I've experienced the transition to 'empty nesting' too - feel free to talk to me about it.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Snap again, @Teej, posting at the same time. Great minds post alike, lol.

How long have you been living on toast and toasted sandwiches? Maybe there's a community service that might bring you meals? When I've been on my own while C is away, I've sometimes considered getting Lite n Easy meals. Haven't actually done that yet (lived on toasted sandwiches and other simple things instead), but I would consider it if I was living alone.

@eth, how funny that we had a similar experience with living in a foreign country. I too lost heaps of weight, partly because of how much walking I did at that time. It was a small town where I went with minimal public transport. I walked an hour to get to the beach one day. Then it snowed on the beach (middle of winter). That was something special. There was also a full on blizzard while I was there. Interesting times.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Teej Hello Fresh is good for home delivered recipes and required ingredients portioned. We had them a few times and always got 3 serves from a recipe for 2 people. It costs a bit but it's really healthy, inspires you to cook for yourself, and saves on the shopping time.

@Mazarita Snow on the beach sounds beautiful. I was in Denmark in Autumn and the 2nd month I tried to camp in a tent the size of a womb and everything got wet with the constant rain. Plus I was so cold my legs would cramp and be really stiff. I soon spent the money and moved into a small cabin.

Going to do a job in the garden now. Might catch up with you both later - not sure. Depends on what happens with Mum.

Good luck with the chores both of you xx

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Thanks @eth. It’s actually pretty complex at the moment. They’ve gone for 6 weeks then will be back for about 10 weeks then gone for good is the plan. I tried to talk my third son into coming to live here (he is the poorest) but he’s not remotely interested :face_with_rolling_eyes:. It’s ok though, I knew it was a long shot. we both know deep down it wouldn’t work. He’s been out of home since 16 and a bit of a party boy. Always likes to have people over. It would be hard. My other son has just moved further away too so now we are starting to be quite spread out.

I can imagine it’s hard when they leave for good.

It was so good to read the meeting went well today. It sounds like there is hope that there will be lots of positives that will help give you a much better quality of life and independence. I’m so so glad you’ve got through all this and made the move there too.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@eth, cool tales of travel. Hope the rest of the day treats you well, including your mother treating you well.

@Teej, I'm going to take off too now, will try to motivate myself to do some more cleaning. Hope you get some things done this arvo and have a nice dinner (even if it is toasted sandwiches).

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