Caring4Corny

Thank you @Former-Member for the lovely thought, it looks like a Christmas wreath made from a beautiful country garden. I missed seeing the open gardens this year and the cherry blossoms. It is still so dry in Sydney, the whole perimeter of the city is just kindling ready to flare.

I am still doing my best Caring for Corny, and learning to accept that that isn't selfish to do so. Lots of years of brainwashing and manipulation to undo!

I think I am recovering at a slow pace, but I can see that its getting a little easier on the senses. When you first come home its like you've been in a softly lit cocoon and you step out to bright fluorescent flood lights glaring in your face, all the sounds and noise and traffic is like nails down the chalkboard.....I guess that's the part of MI illness that is invisible for others to see, you actually do have sensations in the brain and nervous system that are very unsettling. My doc said to me on Friday, I bet a lot of people you come across would never guess in a thousand years the sort of background & childhood you had, you present so well. I guess I am a bit enigmatic that way when I think about it, and people probably look at me on the street and think, Oh Corny she's fine, nuffin' wrong with that little one......if only they knew eh !

How is Mr Darcy @Former-Member ? From memory he has got some therapeutic benefit from the meds. I have a friend that is Bipolar and I feel so sorry for them, they are of the approximately %30 of patients that get none, and are treatment resistant most of their lives. He also has mixed states that must be so, so draining and exhausting, how they keep going is beyond me.

I hope that your husband gets some peaceful moments amongst the torment, maybe in the garden or doing a project around the house,

Corny

Was a bit hard to tell @Corny but it is a nest, padded with cotton wool and edged with flowers - just the spot for an otter to curl up in if necessary.

Sometimes getting out into nature is not possible. I have found looking at flowers and plants in a nursery (and having a little something in an adjacent cafe if there is one 😀) can give me a lift.

Suspect moving stress now kicking in with Mr Darcy, his anxiety levels are up.

Moving is really stressful for anyone @Former-Member but for someone with MI, we just don't have much stress resilience at all. All mental illnesses are stress disorders and a lot are sensory disorders too, especially if you relapse.

I find that so hard to accept, it is a gradual process and I have come a long way, but because it places a lot of limitations on you it takes a while to figure out what you can and can't do and to come to terms with that.

I hope that the move isn't too stressful or you can receive help from someone. It takes a while to find your feet in a new place. Some people adjust really quickly if they move straight into a new job and instantly meet new people, but for others it takes a while. Its really taken me 5 years, I have been sick for 3 of those, but its hard meeting people whatever age you're at and getting comfortable in your surroundings. It can be really worth the struggle though in the long term. Any major change is hard. But being stuck is hard too, I am glad I moved.

Anxiety is awful, I hope it settles for your husband. It takes a hold of you and its like a bully, very physically tiring too. One of the cruel ironies is that when my depression set in, my anxiety kind of disappeared and I was actually able to sleep a lot better. Its like my brain can't do the both at once, so I got a break from anxiety, but I found the depression really scary because I had never experienced it to that degree before.

I think I freaked my sibs out, they've never seen me like that. But now the depression has improved, I am back at my baseline which is extreme anxiety and PTSD. I've done full circle. But I realise that just maintaining my baseline is going to take a lot of care and caution, because you can develop Bipolar or Schizophrenia at any age, and both are in my family. Nutrition, exercise, no alcohol, meds, social engagement and therapy can only do so much....the rest will just happen if it happens and I will somehow have to deal with it.

I'm trying to just take one day at a time.

Corny

I found that focusing on what I/we can do and taking things from there to be helpful. @Corny 😀.

I agree @Former-Member it just gets too much focusing on what you can't do and every thing you've missed out on. And it can open new projects or opportunities to try something new.

Corny

@Corny

Thank you @outlander for the gorgeous display of colour. Did you know that Sydney won World Pride 2023, you better be there gurrrl.

Hope that you are travelling OK and that your Pop hasn't been too demanding or that the family is taking you for granted and all that you do. It can get so lonley being a carer.

Big hugs

Corny

Checking in @Corny

Hey @outlander I am sorry I didn't get to this reply earlier.....so many people are doing it tough this year. My doc was saying he has never had a year like it, with so many of his patients in hospital, several times!

Looks like I am going back into the ward myself for a medication adjustment in December sometime.....it takes so much stamina to live with a MI, because at the end of the day it is physical, we do not speak of patients with dementia as being mentally ill, we accept the brain has changed physically, but we regard MI to be merely psychological and temporary or a sign of weakness.

So are you going to attempt to change any of your treatment, or treating professionals to recover from the flare up in your condition?

Caring Corn