Caring4Corny

Hey @Faith-and-Hope @outlander @Former-Member @Maggie @Hope4me @Former-Member and any one else I have missed. Thanks for thinking of me, I am still in hospital.

I am sorry for my rascally ways with my sense of humour but there is always one rascal in every group isn’t there, c’mon! there’s always one eh!......As you can imagine being in here for this long, you start to climb the walls a little bit and need some levity to keep the tiny bit of sanity you have left. I completely understand that Sandman is now on the Death Star and so he should be, but I needed his brief but colourful dance moves to get me through my hospitalisation. I considered ducking over to the dunes and figuring out my own signature moves, and it looks like a beautiful day to be doing so, but I am still incarcerated with Jack Nicholson. Please forgive me for my indiscretion Moderator, it had absolutely nothing to do with my MI and everything to do with my personality, there's a dancing queen in side of all of us somewhere. Not quite Lawrence of Arabia was it.

I will reply individually sometime later because I am not well enough at the moment, a story in the news this week was too close to home & my flimsy nervous system went berserk. My depression has really improved but my PTSD is in full throttle and I haven't been sleeping. Unfortunately for me there is no such thing as a Trauma Unit in Australia, trauma isn't even a specialisation in psychiatry or psychology, and the hospital I am in is all geared towards biological mental illness. Putting the news on in common areas just goes to show that PTSD isn't represented and is not understood at all.

I met my cop friend for coffee this morning that was very validating though so I can't complain, I do have people in my life that get it. And this admission it has been amazing how many patients I have spoken to who had/have an abusive narcissistic parent and chatting to them about the psychological damage they did has been very reassuring and confirming. There are some bitter sweet things about being in hospital for a long time. You have to come to terms with a lot of loss, that you'll never reach your potential, but your history is validated with a lot of realism and lived understanding.

Communal grief and communal sadness you could say.

I hope that you are all well and enjoying the sunshine and spring perfumes in the air and getting outside into the parks, beaches and gardens.

Corny xxx

@Corny

Depression lifting = 😀

PTSD full throttle = 😦

Perhaps an in house zumba class might be the go to help you get started on that signature move ...

Ahhh @Corny ... so good to hear from you. I LOVE your rascally ways and great sense of humour, so please dont apologise for that.

Oh dear ... damn those PTSD triggers! But I note that you said your depression had improved. I often find that when my PTSD triggers hit hard, that my depression lifts. I think there's just no physical capacity to be in a full throttle PTSD anxiety state, and in depression at the same time. Perhaps its a physical impossibility? I dont know, certainly for me, its pretty much one or the other when one or the other is bad. Perhaps you're similar.

Really ... no trauma unit? How odd. And I do think you're right ... despite all the relatively recent increased profile of PTSD out there in the public ... people still dont 'get it'. Even MH experts dont 'get it' much of the time.

Good on you for getting out and about a bit, despite your long term co-habitation with Jack Nicholson. And I'm glad that you actually have someone (your cop friend) who gets it and whom you can talk to and make you feel validated. Tick.

Please keep up the good (incredibly tough) work, and endeavour to keep Caring 4 Corny. I have to say that you have a bit of a fan club here ... with me at the top of the list. Always love to hear from you. And although I may have missed some posts from you over the past month due to being off-line more than I've been on-line, I do try to go back over your posts and catch up.

Until next time. Something to consider below, and also a view from your Hilton Hotel window. Or was it the Ritz? I find water very calming, and I hope you do too. Just ask the concierge to open up your windows nice and wide for full effect. Smell the clear air and listen to the water, delight in the view. Maybe even creep out there and take a skinny dip, it looks pretty inviting. And its a hot day today, here at least.

Sherry 💕

@Corny Please don’t change, though I have a large feeling you won’t. 😁😁😁

Sorry about the triggers, they are everywhere unfortunately.

Good to hear the depression has lifted, that’s a big one.

Keep taking care of @Corny .💜💜💜

👋👋👋🤗🌽💕 @Corny

Thanks for the support @Former-Member, I hope that your husband has been well in recent times and isn't suffering too many side effects or non-responsive symptoms. Wouldn't it be wonderful if he could say Bye Bye Bi-polar forever, and Hello Health, but that would not be this world would it now. Its an awful illness, and there have been a few treatment resistant patients during this admission.....which is just so sad.

Apparently I stuffed up big time and went down the rabbit hole of psychosis because I didn't pop an aspirin at the right moment and didn't eat me broccoli when I was told. Better luck next time eh.

I think that I could do some sort of really fast signature dance move with my hips because I was born with hip dysplasia. I could see myself really getting them swinging at break neck speed like a couple of propellers and I would kick up that sand into a frenzy of fantastic-ness that would dazzle even the most subdued leopard seal or sea urchin. Really get all the ocean folk talking about me for days. What you think?

I saw some rhododendrons in Sydney the other day in a little micro climate....we're pretty far from the Himalaya's down here so it was impressive....

Corny

Thanks @Maggie I'm stubborn, I doubt I will change

Yeah triggers are rough, but watching the news for anyone with PTSD is a big no no.

I hope that life is treating you well and that your health is as good as can be expected.

I am going home next week so I am looking forward to that. My depression has improved a lot, I guess I just get sad that PTSD is my baseline and there is no budging it. It could be worse though, my 2016 breakdown is very fresh in my memory and I know how unwell a person can be so I am grateful that I have at least been spared that trauma this time. It gets tiring taking care of yourself and having to be so military about it, it is a bore and wearying but I just try and remember everyone out there that has it heaps worse than me. I have met some really lovely people in here and bonded. It has been so nice to not feel so alone with my mental health. I am worried about my transition but hope to get back into my routines. I have lost all my muscles, my legs are jelly and I feel so unfit.....slow and steady dose it and I will get back out there in the breeze. I'm not 21 anymore so I don't wanna go too fast and injure myself.

I would run over my Nana for a home cooked meal! I am having food fantasies all the time and thinking of recipes.

Corny

Hey @outlander I hope that you are doing not too badly and that you have been getting some sleep and taking care of yourself amongst everything that you do for other people. I can't find the rainbows or I would send some back....take care matey and go easy on yourself.

Hey @Faith-and-Hope I haven't read up on your thread but I am sure that you have been super busy. You have so much on your plate and just to keep going is not easy. I hope that you are enjoying your studies and the brain shift into another head space would be very relaxing and give you a break from the ED and MH.

Corny xx

Oh thanks for the beaut vista Miss Sherry and my own waterfall and pool, I love a skinny dip with the mermaids. I'll just make sure I distract the nurses and turn off the security cameras at concierge before I splash. They have their finger on the pulse here though, I was at breakfast for too long the other morning chatting to one of the patients, I lost track of time, so I get this call on my mobile, and its the nurse on the ward saying, "Corny, it is 10am and you are not medicated please come to the canteen pronto".....next they'll be putting a bracelet on me and tracking my movements, dance ones and all, on an app. They have no faith in me, I'm not a rascal Sherry.

I have noticed the same thing, when the depression grabbed me by the ankles the PTSD symptoms subsided and vice versa. PTSD is just a different beast. It feels completely different in the body. It's been really interesting being in here and meeting other patients, chatting to them and observing differences in symptoms between genders. Guys can have more positive psychotic symptoms when both genders experience psychosis, women seem to be much more dissociative and off the planet in a different way, but I reckon the chicks PTSD is worse, maybe I am just biased. I dunno if overall because we have had more sexual and physical violence it just seems worse, but for me, it is the fact that the body remembers every tiny little detail is what grounds me. Body flashbacks are just pure torture, having to relive all the sensory and felt sense body assaults over and over and over and over again........exhausting. Sigh. And you're right, the "experts" don't have a clue. They do their research in closed gated communities that are built on incest and nepotism, there is no such thing as meritocracy, it does not exist, and the research suffers, but ultimately in the end the people that really suffer are the patients. Its full of corruption, massive egos and I do not hold on to any hope of a cure in my lifetime whatsoever. PTSD is too political, and it is tied to the US military and American insurance companies, making it a dead end treatment wise.

You have so much on your plate at the moment Sherry I really feel for you. Reading about it is like looking back at myself, there are no words for that level of stress. You are in Carers Chaos!

When my father committed suicide I was driving back to my parents place after work every Friday to look after my mother in psychosis and then driving back Sunday night and working, she was completely traumatised and totally dependent on me, I would call her 3 times a day at least, we had a legal case against us over my fathers debts, my grandmother (her Mum) was dying, our earth mother was dying (they both died in the 18 months that followed), we had to pack up 35 years of stuff and move the whole family to Sydney, and I was unravelling all my worst childhood traumas and landed in psychosis myself.....it was pure hell on earth, I kid you not.

I completely understand the pressure, strain and fatigue beyond words you are under right now. My heart goes out to you and I wish you the deepest cuddle comas imaginable. Plank an Otter tonight.

Be very selective with who you give your time and energy to Sherry, we are all breakable. There are users and takers out there masquerading as decent people, and they don't deserve your time. I remember having to listen to people's banal conversations how they were tormented and deliberating over what colour kitchen tiles to choose for their .25 million dollar renovation......please.....get a real problem.

Big hugs and Continuous Cuddle Comas,

Corny xxx