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No More

Snowflake11Contributor06 Sept 2019, 3:52 pm AEST

No More

Hello everyone, this is my first post and I'm so glad to have found this forum. Instantly I'm worrying about whether I'm writing the right thing :face_with_rolling_eyes: so borderline of me, but then I smiled to myself and thought finally I have found people who I don't have to prepare for my potential mess ups because you know how I feel!! My title No More is how I've been feeling over the last few days - I don't want to have BPD anymore!! How I wish it would take its complexities and f*k*off!!!!! It's so exhausting. So my diagnosis is C-PTSD, BPD and substance abuse disorder. Well of course the last one is thrown in as I struggle with trying to feel better.... However I'm alcohol free by nearly 19mths yay me!! But I've turned to pills which is what led me to seek the right help this time.... Realising I can kick drinking but then insidiously pills became my new bff, I knew there was something aside from the ever present call of "addictive behaviour", to find out finally that what I've felt for so so long has a name. Relief. And now the work begins. I'm hoping to work out how to navigate this website so I can read your stories and be part of a group of people who actually do understand me. Being so alone is hard. Hugs x

37 replies

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In response to: No More

Shaz51Senior Contributor08 Sept 2019, 5:14 pm AEST

Re: No More

alcohol free by nearly 19mths, way to go my awesome friend @Snowflake11 , we are here for you

hello and hugs @BPDSurvivor , @BlueBay , @CheerBear , @Molliex

In response to: No More

BPDSurvivorSenior Contributor08 Sept 2019, 8:28 pm AEST

Re: No More

@BlueBay wrote:
It is exhausting @Snowflake11
@and it’s really hard for others to understand.
Hugs 🤗❤️
@BPDSurvivor can I ask? How did you accept your BPD?

@BlueBay, of course you can ask. That’s why we are all here! I’m glad you asked.

I used to fight BPD so much and wanted it to just ‘go away’. But later, I realised that my BPD has helped shape me. It has enabled me to empathise with people where others simply do not know how; it has enabled me to comfort those who feel emotionally vulnerable as I has also been in that situation; it has given me the right words to say when someone feels all is lost...

Although BPD sometimes makes me feel I am a child emotionally, and cannot cope with emotional pain, it has enabled me to see the vulnerability of other sufferers, and hence offer a helping hand.

My BPD has really changed me and not just in a negative way.

In response to: Re: No More

BlueBaySenior Contributor08 Sept 2019, 8:44 pm AEST

Re: No More

Thankyou for your reply @BPDSurvivor

@I just don’t know where to start.

I have a lot of things in my life (child sexual abuse) that I need to accept incl BPD. But it’s difficult. I feel that I act like a child when I’m so emotional.

I need to get it in my head thst accepting doesn’t meant it was ok for the things that happened to me. It’s hatd for my BPD thinking to understand.

At the moment I’m very angry with my BPD. I’m sngry at who I’ve become and my BPD behaviour.

Im angry st my extreme emotions.

In response to: Re: No More

Snowflake11Contributor09 Sept 2019, 1:07 am AEST

Re: No More

@Shaz51... Thanks so much, it's great to be here that's for sure. Sift landings feel great. Yeah the no drinking thing is bloody amazing. Boy there are times when my head and body are going crazy for relief that pills don't bring but vodka would. But - I know that would be a catastrophically dumb thing to do.

In response to: Re: No More

Snowflake11Contributor09 Sept 2019, 1:09 am AEST

Re: No More

@BlueBay that's a great way to look at it. I guess it is what it is. So rather than fight it, just embrace and work through. It's amazing how things change when we let go. Thanks for the great tip 😘

In response to: Re: No More

Snowflake11Contributor09 Sept 2019, 1:14 am AEST

Re: No More

@BlueBay... Sorry think I tagged you when I should've tagged @BPDSurvivor.
You sound like you're really struggling with what's happening in your world right now.,. Hope tomorrow is a better day for you. Sometimes the simple things can help on those days I find. Like back to basics; mindfulness, taking a walk, doing a crossword, drawing etc. But sometimes nothing works huh. Big hugs x

In response to: Re: No More

Shaz51Senior Contributor09 Sept 2019, 4:44 pm AEST

Re: No More

how did you go today my @Snowflake11

Hello and hugs @BPDSurvivor , @CheerBear , @Molliex , @BlueBay

In response to: Re: No More

BPDSurvivorSenior Contributor09 Sept 2019, 4:52 pm AEST

Re: No More

@Snowflake11 ,

And yes, there are days when I feel so overwhelmed that I just curl up in bed and sleep!

hugs @Shaz51

In response to: Re: No More

BPDSurvivorSenior Contributor09 Sept 2019, 4:54 pm AEST

Re: No More

You do what you do to get through the moment. Don’t think about 5mins time, don’t think about what to do in 10mins, or in an hour, in the evening or tomorrow, or next week. Just do whatever it takes to get through the moment...minute by minute.

In response to: Re: No More

Shaz51Senior Contributor09 Sept 2019, 4:55 pm AEST

Re: No More

@BPDSurvivor, are you able to curl up and sleep on those days xxx

my husband loves to stay in bed every morning , he says he can not wait to retire xxx

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