Sleeping too much

Warning! long post alert!

Hi @Former-Member, i sure do understand how depression stops us from enjoying things. Think that's part of the reason we get so slack, or lethargic - because anything seems a major effort to even think about, let alone get our head around it enough to at least start. And often when we do get that far, we clap out half way, i do a lot, even with something as simple as the dishes, the muscles go weak or I feel like I'm gonna faint. I've given up trying to get drs or anyone to understand. Just go lay down and do things in shorter bursts. I know you relate to this. There's just no motivation and we can't talk ourselves into it. But if we know we just might feel better after, because we have...

For me the learning 'how to' again, is not so much making lists or planning so much, yes thay are good for reminders and structure, but I found I had to
NOT THINK JUST DO.
Do something, do anything.

But for a long time I avoided doing things good for me because I had it in my head (belief / wrong value), that "our responsibilities come first" - and that usually meant what everyone around me expected of me, but it overwhelms over time, and we fall short. I even had a friend who one day blurted out "do ya bloody dishes ..." - the constand disapproval still echoes in my mind. It didn't seem to matter to anyone in my world if I was happy or how I felt, if I was coping... ... even as a child - just how i should be according to them.

Of cause i got worse and coild only focus on doing bear essential of life on my own with children. I got into the habit of burning up all my energy doing what I hated first, which left no energy for anything creative later for me, and I think somewhere there I forgot who I was.

About two yrs back I was really missing my kids and needed an outlet for my love - i made my girl a memory blanket with her fav colours (purple, red & acqa). I have a photo of her dog snuggled up in it. I discovered just crocheting away, even while watching a movie or something, made me feel like i was doing something productive, useful and worthy of life or something, a project, and I felt good a little.. It reduced my anxiety too and the end product boost self esteem. Its only a knee rug but an expression of love for my girl (great motivator) and i use it all the time. My children motivate me more than anything - so for them i just had to. I got all inspired to make my son something he could say "my mum made that" So i picked his fav colours and became obcessed every day. He really liked it I think and uses it as a throw rug on his couch. I don't follow patterns, just simple things from my head. The next year, when i was overwhelmed at soon losing my mum too (diagnosed with terminal cancer) I also made her a knee rug in her fav colours with a little pocket to put things in when shes sick. She keeps it over the couch too. The psychologist says thrse hand to task projrcts are a form of mindfulness.

I haven't done much crocheting since that winter, but moved onto SEWING for warmer months - mending and altering clothes by hand mostly - I rediscovered I just love hand sewing, kinda therapeutic (like basket weaving). How do I know I love it? Because I walk away with a little spark, a smile, a slight skip in my step - LIFE ENERGY. The same feeling comes over me when I've been in the garden - I FEEL BETTER. "Come out in the garden with me" the holy Spirit gently said one morning, when I cried " I just can't do it anymore " But I dragged myself outside, started potting, tidying and I built up momentum and surprised myself when I saw 2grs had past. It was hard at first but ya kinda get use to it, and the.payoff does come the same day. Even the slightest spark within was so noticeable in the midst of such dark lonely mysery, it made me realise I had tapped into a resource bigger than me, and that there are things out there that can bring me an element of joy = energy, POSITIVE ENERGY WITHIN. So I prefer to describe these activities as:
"THINGS THAT FEED MY SOUL'
I've only found three but thats a start. I use to believe our 'gifts' our 'calling' was what God gave us for others (for the church). But I learned that's a wrong motive because we think about who they are before we realise who we are ourselves (or taught to deny).. We get railroaded into 'performing' what doesn't come natural and inevitably 'burn out' - relationships built on wrong foundations fade away and not looking after ourself we can become resentful and empty... Our gifts, our talents i believe are gifts to us first, in that we need to express them to sustain our life energy. All those people I performed for are no longer around, to survive I simply had to find what was good for me first (like I said everyone else didn't know me anymore, i lost what they saw and they faded away with the fake me).

I prayed, and meditated, remembered what i loved as a child, and tried a few new things and then started NOTICING how I felt during and after doing them.

How do you feel Bella while you are cooking? Where in your body do you feel it most? Describe it... ... Could cooking be one of your natural abilities that feed your soul? You have mentioned cooking often.

I think with the 'disconnect' of PTSD and depression... It becomes very hard to know what we feel or enjoy. We need to reconnect with ourself - self awareness will find how we feel, through meditation. This is the key to overcoming depression i think (not that i've artived or anything), making a life worth living. Guess that is mindfulness - noticing without judgement, doing the meditations. I can givevyou an online link to get some meditations if you'd like.

Sorry this is so long, hope it makes sense. Better go doooo something lol
Love ya xox

Hi @Shaz51, @Appleblossom, @Faith-and-Hope, @TAB, @Former-Member ... ... anyone around, it took me hours to write that post to Bella, hope it doesn't come across bad. Twice I thought I'd posted it but came back to see redlighted - did you know - k u m - is not permitted, must look that one up later. Anyway, I've made banana & coconut chocolate cake if anyone wand a slice. Betta go check it 🙂

Thankyou @Former-Member re iceblocks 😸

Yeah @Former-Member it pretty gets rejected mentioning food even on 'chat ' coffee thread

I think I had a thing for Fran Drescher re the Nanny 😬Lol hi @Former-Member