Sleeping too much

Went to post 2 parcels at Post Office today - got there with stuff but forgot address bk (this is what happens because I get so anxious getting out the door & putting stuff together, worried if the reciever will like it? If i worded things correct, if writing is neat enough, did i get get address right, double check, triple check, will it cost too much? ... have i wrapped it properly... You have no idea, my hands even start to shake (its so stupid I know). Will do it Thursday now after Dr apt. I'm soooo tired. Can't do it anymore.

12pm today i made it to kyb ladies luncheon with my plate of food (graoes & mixed nuts). This was VERY hard because it was a much bigger crowd than i thought & christian ladies from the church i went before who i felt abandoned by when my girl died, they knew her &; I did music for them for years but they stayed away &; I haven't been able to face them since. Even today they acted like nothings happened. One woman, stranger, got friently in my face about... everything..., really fast... oh overload... i was having mini panics and couldn't hear half of what she was saying, and wanting to faint. Got away, had to drink cold water a lot, and get away alone, do mindfulness to calm myself. I was doing it automatically throughout the time when i felt overwhelmed just sitting. Like being in lions den but maybe its all just in my head. I get so obcessed what people think, the slightest glance and 'they hate me' or 'they're gossiping about me' oh here's a good one, they're laughing about me' ... hate these thoughts, it hurts, cant stop them. But, the talk was good. At one point, resisting the urge to get up and run out crying, I did the 'Strength in Vulnerability' thing, on the inside - realised how terribly broken i am as a person amidst so many wonderful strong country women. I was brave enough to sit with that a moment, among them, with God in my corner, just being still, its not right or wrong, just is. Think i covered my internal world OK, & somehow managed to stay to the end. Bought a CD of the guest singer songwriter + some cards. I use to sing a lot, better voice, miss the me I was. Oops, more tears. (I can't keep living like this).

When i got home late, i found another penalty fine in the mail - for doing 60 in a 50 zone I knew nothing about ($114). Made me cry (where's all this $ gonna come from? on top of the other transit lane wrong turn ($325) so over it, expensive trip for everyone else, think they saw me coming - haven't had a fine for 10 yrs so its a shock and frightens me because I try so hard to be perfect on the roads. Trying to stop the tears But its not holding boohoo, Oh no, now I'm sobbing and don't know why. Need a cuppa xox" I can't keep doing this.

ZOE7 said: come join fun Tawney?
I said: "Zoe7, not good company, really sad tonight, big day I guess. Faced lots of people that hurt me today, just tired, but nice to see you.

ZOE7 said: "I'm so sorry to hear that you've had a tough day and are really sad tonight. Look after yourself - you don't deserve to be hurt - you so special and so giving - and you deserve only happiness in your life.

TEEJ said: "oh Tawney, Got any of those magic peaches for a pick me up. You had a hard day and did well but I get why you're struggling. It's ok to feel that way. It is crap though. 💜

FAITH-AND-HOPE said: "Big hugs Tawney..... on mobile at the mo, and making dinner, but I'm gonna come and find you later...

Thanks guys, trying

Oh dear @Former-Member .....

I was skimming through the posts before, and picked up that you managed to struggle through a difficult day .... I got that you sat with the ladies and it was a good talk to listen to ...,, and you bought the CD of the singer .....

You did so incredibly well ..,,, and that's my happy dance for you ...., you took them on, and made it through ......

So sorry you landed the fines through the mail, but let's pray over it and see what God-sends come your way to help pick you up and gently place you back on your feet again ......

I am Soooooo proud of you @Former-Member ..... 🌻🌻🌻 ..... we know how tall you stood today ..... we knew the courage and strength you had to draw on to achieve it ...,, you have the heart of a champion in there ......

Hugs n hugs @Former-Member ..... as tough as it was, your getting out there and doing it ..... and doing it .... and doing it .... you are chalking up successes - a country mile from where you were when you joined the forums last year ❣

I celebrate you !!

Okay guy (@TAB) and dolls (everybody else) ...,, who's up for a cuppa with @Former-Member ? I'm gonna pour an Wnglish Breakfast Tea and sit with you now ......

❤️✝💕🌷💋🐠💐🌺❣🎶🤗🌐🎶☂🍧🍒☕️🐚🐾🐢🛐💗....,,,, 🏆

Thanks @Zoe7, @Faith-and-Hope, but I'm not sure getting 'out in the world' is good for me. Neither is being so lonely. I've had enough. The tension inside is so big my chest wants to burst. Might have to ring lifeline or risk the med cabinet and take something. Can't see it but guess this will pass. Ouch ouchy grr

Just made a hot Chai Latte, had headache pill. Will check what ya all doing elsewhere.

Happy peach @Faith-and-Hope, didn't think to get more today

Oh, just saw other fruit, yummo!