Sleeping too much

Hi @Former-Member and @utopia

I am sure that is a nightmare - and neither of you nor your children need that immature behaviour either

You are right - we are not doormats - even the dog's body runs over the door mat

It took me a long time to learn not to bad-mouth my dd's father - but I learned in time - and regardless - after it was all over dd said to me "I always thought I had a good relationship with Dad - but since you've been apart and you're not their doing all the hard work of talking - Dad's really boring"

I loved that - "hard work of talking" - yes it was - and it often turned into shouting - but I have noticed that we can yell at the incoming tide all we like and it only goes out when it's ready

It's so tough on the kids though - and right now - sorry - I would write more but my stuffy sinuses are exhausting me -

But - from my place of wisdom and great age - the main parent as the rotten job - and rather than be angry - I would rather be angry btw - tell your kids you are so sorry this has happened again - be on their side - and they must be confused but it is not their job to understand

But I do know enough about co-parenting that the non-custodial parent has rights too - and if the other parent is not keeping to the plan set by the court - then it's up to you to deal with that - and the law is on your side with that

But it is rotten and crappy and hard and I do not understand why some men don't man up

Right now I have to go and take it easy - but I really do hear you and understand what you are saying

Decadian

Yep @Former-Member it makes total sense to me.

Maybe even imagine the nurturer part enveloping and overcoming the despairing or angry and helpless part.

If we are facing a threat of death whether or not from our own hand the intensity and flood of hormones is going to be massive. That is the way of the species. The difference is if our despair and own mind is going to SI then we do have that ability to separate out the two. Whereas if the threat is external we dont. It still is very difficult. Holding hands can be good.

Dear @Decadian I love researching language and culture .. have christian theology book From Myth to Metaphor.

Thank you for your response about my silly moment of fear of bird poop.

For me the touch wood thing went a bit weird ... I would hold on to door frames in the house during my marriage .. totally exhausted .. as our renos took 10 years .. there was always some furniture or house thing to sand, clean, paint, fix ... plus the kids .. plus a token course outside the hom e to keep me sane.. lol. The couch wasnt really for me to sit on etc.

Then door frames became a thing ... it was a couple of years after the 5 deaths in one year .. then I started gently nodding head against door frame ... then it became more forceful ...

It is all tied up with my homelessness and lack of entitlement to a home .. combined with mothers ignorant blocking of getting counselling help for my siblings and being jealous that I had a home .. which I didnt really have .. it was just a structure for me to work in.

Then thrilled with study and finding Adrienne Rich's "The Fact of a Door Frame".

Anyway .. I still have a hard time claiming space in my own home and its nearly paid off. It is not guilt as I bloody worked hard .. its just that I give away my power ...

not got the habit of doing what my urges are .. (only used the bad stuff for a year) mostly I have a lot of self control ... too much .. according to my ward file ?? ..I loved the way you wrote that you follow your urges ... getting it though .. slowly .. late in life... that my natural inclinations are not bad and I dont have to double think everything.

@Faith-and-Hope and everyone ... have a good day

I am off to a fundraiser ... a fellow runs a private trust to support Indian girls getting an education ... its with the writers mob.

Wow @Former-Member what an awesome revelation!! I love that!! I'm sure it will help lots of people going through SI, thanks for sharing. Well done It sounds like a great step forward.

Hiya @Former-Member. Maybe you've struggled to get out of bed but look at what you've achieved, maybe a huge step forward. Ive saved your SI post as a favourite hopefully to remind you when things are hard. I for some unknown reason (except it's Sunday which is usually a good day) have got out of bed and not been back in ONCE! Have done two loads of washing, put away all may clothes (there were heaps), did the dishes, cleaned out the fridge (oooh lots of gremlins in there), started cleaning my room (was very overdue), talked to Mum (without reacting) played with dog, medicated, coffee and healthy food so we are having a very good day. About to go to IKEA so won't be on again for a while. I don't get how some days work and other days are impossible. Anyway I'm really glad you've worked out something HUGE today. Keep going @Former-Member you are making so many wonderful steps and many of them are leaps right now. Thinking of ya💜😊💐

WOW @Former-Member, what a day , you must be feeling good to get all that done

we are having a very good day.-- this is geat

one day at a time @Former-Member, that is all we can do