Sleeping too much

..oh ..dear @Former-Member leeziemoos..what platform are you on re train station ..lolo x

Hi @Former-Member

Humiliation is always bad - but when it is associated with our private functions it's worse

I have a nasty UTI atm - and this reminds me of what my mother did when I got one of this bladder irritations when I was 11.

First of all I had to go to the toilet while I was at school and the teacher made me take points off our house score when I had to go out - and then as a family we went out for a long drive in the country and my father in particular was irritated that we had to keep stopping for me to pee - and every one took advantage of the circumstances to give me a hard time

When my parents realised I was leaving the house to pee in the outside toilet at night I was not allowed to go and had to use a pot in the bedroom - and in spite of my age I was supposed to empty it - more teasing

One terrible day I dropped it - and it smashed spilling the contents everywhere - and the deep seated fear I had of my mother overcame me and I went totally out of control and had hysterics

For the rest of the time we lived at that house the broken china was outside my bedroom window - where my mother put it - I never mentioned it and have no idea if my mother even remembered it -

To this day I feel the humiliation - like you @Former-Member I was made to feel it was all my fault

The terror I had of my mother was in a repressed memory - and that came out at my mother's funeral - I wonder sometimes just how we are supposed to deal with the experiences of humiliation and degradation and shame we experience piled onto us by an brutally unkind mother - yes - I know- forgive - but those memories are terrible - really terrible

Decadian

..ok Whacky Races ..I'm Dastardly/Muttley, you can be Penelope lol

DEarest All,

I am just saying nighty night.....It's so great to reconnect with all but did too much this weekend....

I am falling asleep looking at photos of recontructed Anglo Saxon huts era.

Thankyou for your wonderful conversations today

PPx

DEarest @Decadian

REpressed memory.you story is shocking, Thank you very much for sharing.

Thanks @PeppiPatty

Yes - it is pretty horrible - I remembered dropping and breaking the pot - but not what was buried inside me - the terrible fear I had of my mother but never let her know about - who would

I remembered the violent physical abuse at her funeral - it's okay now - I understand but can't accept that what she did was in any way right or excusable.

But from when I was a small child I saw my mother as a small, fearful question-mark of a woman

She was a hard case

And thank you PP

Decadian

Dearest @Decadian

Yes, I am right there with you. It was not your fault.

You have helped me understand my

Mother's horrible abuse to me once her Mother died about 10 years ago. She splits whenever she sees me or even think of me and spends a lot of time slagging me off to her friends.....I have had therapy so I can walk away and not get hugely neurotic over it. Somethings are still very painful and I have been imagining that my Mum actually goes a little ......wrong when she thinks of me.

Splitting means an unconscious memory of abuse is placed on someone else and acted out on. Or even better, wheres a brilliant explanation of it on Psychology today. By the Psychiatrist Noel Burtin.

Neel Burton M.D. Neel Burton M.D.
Self-Deception II: Splitting

I apologise, I really need to sleep....its so interesting speaking to you all...including @TAB