Dealing with intrusive thoughts - my struggle!

Hi @Molliex I was just thinking if you. How did your catch up go this morning?

Xx

Hey @BlueBay. It was so nice to see them, I had a nice time. I felt really sad afterwards though. MI has taken so much away from me, it was hard to see a group of people so happy. I wish I was that happy, I should be that happy.

How was your day? 🌻🌻

Hey @Molliex I totally get what you’re saying. I see my friends well off financially, good jobs, they go away all the time. I feel the same thst I should be happy too. And then I question myself as to why can’t I be happy like them. 😢

we had my granddaughters 2nd burthday. We had a cake and tomorrow another cake for the family except my parents who aren’t coming. That’s another story 😡

but earlier on I was feeling sad and overwhelmed.

Its just the way things are at the moment.

I think something I struggle with @BlueBay is that I have a decent life. I have a good job and am financially stable. But I'm so tired and sad and worried all of the time. And then there's the SI. I'm pathetic, I should be happy and grateful.

Happy Birthday to your granddaughter! My daughter is also 2.

I hope you're feeling a little more at ease now 🌻🌻🌻

I hope I'm brave enough to be honest with my Dr tomorrow.

I hope so too @Molliex 👍💕

Thanks @Former-Member. Scared of what will happen if I do. But, the alternative is grim.

Yes thats true @Molliex ... I completely understand your concerns in that regard. I always have to weigh up how much I can/should tell my psych with regards to that sort of thing too. I dont want to be totally honest, or else they may cart me away in a padded cell. But I also know there are times I need some help, or the consequences could be dire. You accept that you need some help, and thats great because sometimes self-awareness is hard to come by. Now, be as honest as you can be, so you can get the help you need. You have a young child, you have a full time job ... you are functioning to the best of your ability right now. However hard that clearly is. But it really shouldnt, and nor does it have to be, that hard. There is help at hand, you just need to push for a referral to see a good psychiatrist and hope for an early appointment. If you are honest with your GP, they may be able to ensure the earliest possible date. Sooner you're on something that helps, the sooner life will begin to look more appealing and manageable.

Sherry 💕

Thanks @Former-Member. That was really encouraging to read. I don't care about myself, but I do care about my daughter. I don't want to do that to her. I'm going to do my best tomorrow to be honest.

Hi all. Just an update. I had my appointment with my GP today. He's great and excellent with MH, so I don't have anything bad to say about him. He really does care.

He still thinks a hospital stay is best for me. The current meds aren't right, but last time I changed it was bad, really really bad. He wants me to do it in hospital, in a safe environment. I would have to change my insurance though, and it's just so much money. Then there is taking extended leave from work and telling my family how bad it is so they can help with my daughter. And then there's explaining it to a 2 year old, that her mum can't be around. It just seems so incredibly overwhelming.

We're going to try seeing a Psychiatrist first and adding in one new med, see if that helps. The problem is finding someone, everyone of the 8 he recommended aren't taking on new patients. And the cost is crazy. Again, it all seems so hard.

Just at a bit of a crossroads I guess, while we figure out what's next. I'll see my psychologist this week too and see what he thinks. Feels like I'm treading water, trying not to drown.

So I guess just feeling tired. That's my main feeling, just immense tiredness. Exhaustion in my soul.

Thanks for all who have been very supportive during my dark times recently and have checked in. Tagging who I can remember, apologies if I forgot anyone 🌻🌻

@Former-Member @BlueBay @Maggie @Shaz51 @MDT @eth @outlander @Gazza75 @Angels333 @Bunniekins