Sometimes Life Becomes Overwhelming

I'm sorry I haven't been around much lately -

One reason was computer problems - I was ready to go out an get a new one today - but my constant working with the settings and took the plunge and reset my computer - thinking I would lose everything - but I seems I might have lost my pictures - everything else seems to be here - maybe I will find the pics

And I have been wiped out since I saw my psychologist - talk about forgotten memories - they keep tumbling out of the past - and I am tired out - and my head aches and I cry sometimes

Years ago I was in hospital after surgery - and I was awoken by an elderly lady crying in another room - and the nurse said

"I bet if your mother was over 100 years old and totally dead and you never got on with her you would still want to see her right now"

And the old lady cried "Yes - Yes - I want to see my mother before my surgery - I want to"

I get it - I felt like that myself - I could never talk to my mother and it was not my choice but hers - and I can reflect that I gave her the last word, I didn't argue with her and kept away until the end and do not feel any guilt

But sorrow yes - I have feelings of sorrow - and these funny, sad, angry and painful memories come back - and I don't want them - and I am wondering how to get rid of them

Perhaps I am seeing my mother now - and in touch with memories I had forgotten - I had also lost touch with my feelings at the time - and yet I also see a preteen caring for her younger brother - and protecting him - and he was a silly boy - I kept him out of trouble

And as the years past we still had to live at home but we found a lot of useful and interesting things to do and grew up - and I know he is badly scarred by our experiences -

Still - I think I have my computer running now - and I think it might be time to replace this one - and I have missed this forum so much - I am glad I got it running today

Also - the website overseas I am in is having different issues and I don't want to say what they are - in private with a website co-ordinator would be great - but not posting in the open forums - one never knows who else is behind an avatar

It's late - I watched a long movie - and I am going to bed - I spent a long time on the computer last night trying to fix the settings - so I need sleep now

But although I seem to have fallen off the map I haven't - this is a fantastic website

Decadian