Hi @Former-Member
I know you said you didn't want to engage in any further discussion on the topic of mindfulness so not trying to influence or pressure you in any way, I just wanted to add my experience to the discussion, partly because what you are saying is how I have felt and even still sometimes react to this topic. I would like to have added this to last night's discussion but had to leave for another meeting. @CherryBomb even though last night's topic is closed I wonder if you have any additional thoughts on this? @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member @Former-Member @soul @MissSlytherin @smc @shaz51 + sorry if I have missed anyone who was engaged in the after discussion.
The main reason that mindfulness has not worked for me in the past is that, as identified by others here, is that during a crisis the (perceived or otherwise) threat / emotional response is real so any mindfulness activity only adds to brain overload. Add that for me, any activity or process of emptying the mind etc only creates a disconnect and / or more room for more negative thoughts to enter and take over making my position worse off than when I started. (won't even get started on CBT)
So, after years of being told I was wrong (for thinking this way), not even trying, not interested in getting better etc. and being put in the 'too hard basket’ a councillor accepted my barriers (perceived or otherwise) and tried a new approach. As an exercise, we identified that on a good day my anxiety levels are already at +90%, not giving me any room to move in even a minor upset, the result, even after a small challenge I shut down and am unable to function past a basic autopilot level.
As an exercise to prove this I was asked to make some observations when out on a normal walk. The councillor was rather amused when my observations included things like the yobbos riding their bikes down the wrong side of the road, the bogan getting wasted in the front yard dogs barking, car hooning and the list goes on. The point, even without realising, all my attention was focused on danger and escape strategies.
So, for me the new focus on mindfulness was to, when I was in a good space, become more aware of my surroundings and the positives in order to lower my base levels of anxiety and give me more room to move when I was facing an actual crisis. This was mostly just focusing on my soundings (taking time to smell the roses). Eg, on a subsequent walk I took time to notice that I could taste summer (sounds stupid now but I actually wrote that in my journal lol), notice how our baby who I was carrying was taking in our surroundings with wonder etc.. (This is just one of the mindfulness exercises I was asked to try).
The result after a couple of weeks of this my levels of anxiety did reduce measurably by purposely identifying pleasurable positives in my environment rather than subconsciously identifying potential risks. (effectively distracting my negative subconscious).
Unfortunately, after our most recent crisis I am back to square one and have to start over however after a small taste of success I have something to look forward to and work on. For me in my current situation it is a case of practicing some of the exercises given and believing they can make a difference. not an easy task but a worthwhile one.
(Added note, while half way composing this I had an appointment with the current university councillor who was working off the usual script ‘you actually have to try this for it to work- like duh!!! What do you think I have been doing, as a result I am back to square one with my current attitude). I think my point here is that the person directing the mindfulness exercises needs to be less black and white a little more flexible and be able to adapt to a persons barrier's or individual situation.
