Feeling...

Very true advice and its an apt time here too, thanks @Kurra

Its been an ok today here, hoping for a good sleep tonight. tomorrow i'll need to do some school work, but its nice to just be resting for another night!

Hope you're ok @Kurra

LJ

I know when people say - you just have to go through it, makes it feel all so much harder. They are not the ones going through it. I hope you can come into the day for a little while, the moment Listen for birdsong, see the way light reflects of the leaves or something. Connect with the present.

I see you.

@PeppiPatty @Former-Member

I'm trying to stay grounded, trying to just be present, not be caught up in worries that lead to other negative associations and memories. Trying to be ok, trying to ignore the thoughts that tell me everything is too hard and just give up. Everything is such an effort at the moment i feel so exhausted just breathing (mindfully!)

but have to get on with the day - get to work and take son to his specialist appointment (and praying he doesnt need any surgery!)

lj

Hi @Former-Member,

How lovely to see that you're trying to stay positive when not feeling 100%.

I hear that it is an exhausting process though when trying to fight the unhelpful thoughts. I can only imagine how much concentration you need for that as well whilst trying to keep the family routine going.

Hang in there and I'm sure your family would appreciate your effort. Hope your son's appointment goes well.

With thoughts,

Sorry to hear you are so under the pump @Former-Member.

Sending you wishes for courage and strength in your carer role, and hope that you have the chance to take care of yourself a bit in the process.

🌷💜

Hi @Former-Member

I knew you'd be feeling stressed and anxious with the surgery coming up tomorrow. Sorry to hear that you have to stay with your mum, hopefully she'll be a bit supportive because of the reason. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow and hoping that the surgery goes really well and your partner can finally start to heal and feel stronger and sleep better!

Have you got some things planned to help you through the tough bits over the next few days? like breathing exercises or meditation that you can do or some relaxing stretches?, take a candle to light at your mums.. etc etc Can you go for a run tomorrow (even in the afternoon to have a break from your mum if you need?). Will be thinking of you,

Today was exhausting.. i didnt end up working and i feel really guilty and blah. son's appointment went ok, he has to have a review in 3 months and they'll decide then if it needs surgery to prevent further problems. He was sooo very good in the appointment thanks to a very kind and lovely nurse before hand who took a few extra minutes to get to know him and give him time and not rush him and he immediately bonded with her.

I need to go to work tomorrow... because i need to... but also because i think too much at home and get myself into too much of a panic state and feel hopeless.

LJ

I went to work today, it was really hard. Some particularly crappy things came up because of systems failing children really... and it was a long day. I know i've been told that i have to be a bit more... detached... from the kids that i care about.. but i dont think mental health professionals really 'get' how close to your students you are as a teacher... you spend so much time with them and care for them in almost a parenting way for some of these children and you give hugs and help put jumpers on... make breakfasts/lunches for kids without food etc... and then being faced with some of the ... realities of these kids lives and really being so powerless to even make a dent in some department's ears about their needs, and seeing them be failed is so hard. Watching these children iwth soooo much potential be abandoned in the most important ways because of budget constraints or lack or human resources in families sa. I felt so triggered by some events today and now feeling really numb, i know i did the right things at the time but now just feel paralysed and blank. i was told blank is not a feeling but its the only way i can describe it, im not really here theres nothing of me really. i feel as though my thoughts are somone elses. i wish i could do more, for these kids and i think the worst feeling when i feel anything is the guilt that i'm not doing enough. it weighs me down, but feeling nothing is almost worse because i dont even feel human and just know theres something really wrong with me.

lj

Hi @Former-Member, it sounds like a tough day but you reminded me of an episode of Revolution School. Are you watching it at the moment? It might be a bit of a busmans holiday for a teacher but it's fascinating to me. Last night they were talking about how the relationship that children have with their teacher is one of the most powerful influences on their educational outcomes. More important than privilege.

So, no matter how much more you'd like to be able to do, remember that what you can do is incredibly important and valuable. Just by being you and being present for them. Caring about them. All the things you've described. You're probably the best thing in some of their lives.

As a parent, thank you for caring so much and trying so hard. As a mental health professional I'd love you to find a way to do that without ending up so drained