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Something’s not right

Need a little help tonight

Need a little help tonight

I’ve had a pretty terrible last couple of weeks. My husband and I had an argument a couple of weeks ago about something that has affected our (to put it bluntly) sex life - something that is a direct connection to my past CSA. I’m still rattled about it.

This argument happened while I was under a huge amount of stress when my mum was in hospital. Moving forward to now and I have now moved in with my mum now she’s out of hossie as she needs round the clock care. I have managed to convince her Dr to drop one of her medications that was giving her hallucinations and now she is essentially going through withdrawals for the last 2 days and refuses to eat or drink - which is a problem in itself as she is diabetic. Tonight I threatened to put her back in hospital so she did eventually eat 1/2 a sandwich.

Today my husband and I had a couples counseling session - and the session was spent talking about that argument. I had to relive the events of the CSA and describe the feelings that it still brought up in me now. I was crying and shaking - I can still see it all like it happened just yesterday, not 40+years ago.

I used to disassociate a lot when I was a child, and through today’s session I’ve learned that I do it a lot as an adult but in a different way.

Tonight I’m feeling very triggered, I feel very shaky inside, I feel like I can’t breathe deeply, I just want to cry but

most of all I feel extremely frightened. I have a particular vision in my head that I just can’t get out. I had to describe that moment from long ago today and now it won’t leave me alone.

Has anyone had any experiences like this, how did you cope with it? I don’t want to sleep tonight, I’m scared of closing my eyes and only seeing this vision.

322 replies

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In response to: Need a little help tonight

Re: Need a little help tonight

hi @Razzle

I wish you every success with getting a good night's sleep tonight. Feeling that your head is in a vice sounds most unpleasant. But please be very cautious with taking pain killers for this purpose, even if you have done it before, because it can be risky. We cannot recommend it.

Whitehawk

In response to: Need a little help tonight

Re: Need a little help tonight

I'll sit with you until then Hon. Have had that feeling this week with my cold - it is horrible to be feeling that way so hope the pain killers help @Razzle

Been watching a show I recorded last night - nearly finished and getting interesting. My fur babies have had their night biscuits and Toby has been out to the toilet so we are all winding down for bed too. How much longer do you think your mum will be up?

In response to: Re: Need a little help tonight

Re: Need a little help tonight

@Former-Member I get migraines and have prescription pain killers. I’m allowed 2 tabs at a time (8 total for the day) but only ever take one because they make me too drowsy the next day. I’m not on any other meds. I understand you don’t recommend it but

if I dont knock it on the head now I’m in for a full blown migraine.

In response to: Re: Need a little help tonight

Re: Need a little help tonight

@Zoe7 She usually heads to bed around 9, I won’t be far behind her even if I’m just staring at the ceiling. At least I’ll be in the dark and quiet

In response to: Re: Need a little help tonight

Re: Need a little help tonight

Hi @Razzle

Thanks for clarifying that for me. I can see that your medication management is in very safe hands. i hope you are able to get some relief.

cheers

Whitehawk

In response to: Re: Need a little help tonight

Re: Need a little help tonight

I have taken my night meds @Razzle but they usually take a while to work so can sit with you until you can head to bed yourself. Do you still need to have a light on at night for your mum if she wakes up? Hope that isn't too bright for you if you do?

My little fur ball has just played bitey bitey with my feet - he rolls around on his back and grabs my feet with his teeth and front paws - it really is cute as he is just playing. He often does laps of the loungeroom too going a hundred miles an hour - tonight he just played bitey bitey and then layed down on the couch - sound asleep now

In response to: Re: Need a little help tonight

Re: Need a little help tonight

@Zoe7 I leave a light on for her but I can close my door over a bit to block the light.

Im sure you have mentioned what type of dog you have but I can’t remember what it was. He sounds awesome. I used to have a golden cocker spaniel when I was a kid, she was mums dog but she slept on my bed. She loved the electric blanket on my bed and she’d wiggle until she was dead centre of the

bed and I would be pinned against the

cold wall. Clearly she was smarter than I was.

We only have working dogs on the farm, my husband gets asthma and the dog hair doesn’t help that, so no dogs inside.

In response to: Re: Need a little help tonight

Re: Need a little help tonight

Great about the light and being able to close your door @Razzle That should help keep it relatively dark for you 👍

Toby is a Maltese Shih Tzu - all white - but he is a lighter shade of grey right now and sawdust everywhere in his fur. He was helping me cut the fence palings this afternoon lol (he is a great suoervisor ) so was sitting in sawdust. I desperately need to give him a bath and a haircut - maybe do that this weekend.

We used to have a golden cocker spaniel when I was a kid too. He was really mum's dog as well. He always slept outside but he had his own little house out the back with a kennel inside it so was warm even in the colder weather. He was a beautiful dog too.

In response to: Re: Need a little help tonight

Re: Need a little help tonight

@Zoe7 I’d almost forgotten about the bird houses. How did they go?

I used to love giving our cocker spaniel a bath. She’d run around madly afterward trying to dry off, and then she’d sit up loving the hair drier. She was a great dog.

In response to: Re: Need a little help tonight

Re: Need a little help tonight

Haha Toby hates the hair dryer so needs to dry in the fresh air - but he does run around madly and rubs himself on the carpet. I often say I could wash my floors by just using him as a mop lol - he has long hair so looks like a mop when wet

The birdhouses are getting there @Razzle We did 6 more today and have 4 more we can do tomorrow. I have a parent helper coming in so that will make it easier. I have a group of 3 kids that know what to do and can show the other kids but they need supervision as well ...and a little help holding the first few pieces together. Only 12 more to cut over the weekend now so we will be nearly half way there tomorrow - yea.

Do you have any plans for tomorrow Hon?

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