Need a little help tonight

I am not a fan of change myself @Razzle but leaving the last school lead me to the one I am in now and even though it may even be just for this year it has been wonderful to be somewhere so supportive - change can be positive and have silver linings. Great to read you are seeing so many positives for yourself and continuing to gain confidence within yourself - super impressed by that

Thanks @Zoe7 . The move to the new school has definately worked for you, I’m so glad you are enjoying it.

Well, mum has just taken herself off to bed, and after her wanderings last night and having to get up to her each time I might head to bed and get some sleep too.

Thanks for the chat, I’ll check in again tomorrow and keep you posted on my counciling session

I will be interested to see how it goes for you tomorrow @Razzle Great chatting with you tonight too

Goodnight Hon - sleep well

Hi @Zoe7 Had our couples counciling session today. It was interesting. I guess I found out some things that

my husband had been thinking, and he was set straight about things I had been thinking.

My husband kept saying he could see that my mums care could run for longer than just several weeks, this could be

longer term. My jaw nearly hit the floor. I said of course it’s long term, I’ve moved in until mum either goes into a nursing home, or she dies - both of which could be years down the track. What is he hearing when I talk to him, when we discussed all this in the first place?? He knew this, but all of a sudden he thinks I’m here short term. Well, he knows now.

A couple of other things came up, mainly about sex. My councellor ended up spelling it out for my husband that I’m the one that needs to be in the drivers seat here and that he needs to back off for a while, especially as he is missing the signals (or ignoring them). My one on one sessions have me reliving a lot of my CSA, which effects me for days on end - as you know - and the last thing I want is to be touched, let alone have sex.

I don’t know if we achieved anything today, time will tell I guess.

The one thing I did do for myself today was make a little goal for myself. I was thinking about how I respond to things that upset me, especially when they take me by surprise - I usually turn to alcohol. I had a massive problem with both drugs and alcohol in my late teens. I put the brakes on the drugs when I met a really nice guy that became my 1st boyfriend. He was a non drinker and was extremely shy. He knew I drank but didn’t know about the drugs until I told him a few months in. One night he asked if when I got hold of something in particular could he try it. I never wanted to see him go down that

path, so I cut all ties with the drug crowd and never touched drugs again from that night on.

Alcohol has been a different story. I slowed down a lot, only had a social drink every now and then. When we

lost our 9yo son in a car accident I hit it pretty hard again but eventually got myself together. I consider myself a social drinker now - except when something goes wrong and that’s the first thing I reach for. So my goal - give alcohol the flick when I’m not doing great, keep it as a social one or 2 drinks every now and then. When things turn to $hit, alcohol is off limits.

I also bought a piece of exercise equipment to help rehab my ankle I broke before Christmas. I also bought new cycling shorts. I have my road racing bike in town and am going to start getting my fitness back. Mum doesn’t need babysitting all day long anymore, so for an hour or 2 each afternoon I’m getting my body back in shape - which will go a long way in getting my head right too.

Thankyou so much for the Thumbs Up in the other thread, I really do value and appreciate your support.

I hope you got all your job prep done today, I hope you also got to do something just for yourself too ❤️❤️

Wow what a positive day for you @Razzle Despite you and your counsellor having to spell everything out for your husband it seems it was absolutely necessary. Let's hope he takes it all on board and can be a little more supportive of you from herein out - that would be an awesome turnaround and one you definitely need

I personally think you achieved a lot today - both in counselling and in your own mind - and that is so positive. Whether your husband actually heard any of it or not is now up to him - you could not be clearer on the longer term impact of your mum being unwell nor on the intimacy side of things - so much strength to voice all that Hon and I am very, very proud of you for doing that

Ypu seem to be thinking much clearer today and part of that is undoubtedly finding your voice and making some decisions for yourself - that can only be a positive for moving forward. I love the idea that you will get back on the bike again - and it will give you time out from your mum also - time you need for yourself. Exercise is also good for both the body and the mind - so yet another positive

You so much deserved that thumbs up and your post here tonight further affirms just how far you have come and that very much should be celebrated. Super happy for you and super proud to have been able to be here with you over the past few weeks. It does everyone some good when we can see such positive progress in each other and that I can certainly see in you. Onwards and upwards Hon - keep doing what you are doing because from where I am sitting it really is working

Thanks @Zoe7 I do feel really good tonight, and yes, I do feel like I have found my voice. I feel like I have finally put myself first and I don’t feel any of the usual guilt. I’ve reached the turning point and took that turn at full speed.

And it has been much easier to do since I started talking to you. Having that support, encouragement and understanding has made a huge difference in the way I think about handling the situation.

That is extremely lovely of you to say @Razzle and whilst I appreciate your compliment it really is you that have done all this Hon - you have found that inner strength, courage and voice all on your own - I have no doubt it was always in there and that the distance you have had from your husband has given you a new perspective. So often we endure the same things day after day and week after week because it is what we are supposed to do or are used to - then with a little distance and persepctive we can find ourselves thinking a little more clearly and in effect thinking for ourselves - that you have done and that has made all the difference. Whilst this change for you has been somewhat forced upon you with your mum needing looking after - it has also given you a break from the norm at home and in that same respect a clearer path to think about yourself and your needs. That can often be the difference between sticking with the status quo and moving forward for yourself - and that you certainly are doing. You should be very proud of yourself as none of that is easy to do but you are doing it Hon

Thanks @Zoe7 , but don’t underestimate your value here too.

Were you able to get all your term prep done today? Not sure what the weather was like in your part of the world but it was freezing here today and would have been a nice one to spend in doors.

Thank you @Razzle It is always nice to hear we have made a difference in even a small way

Didn't do anything at all today apart from going to the parent-teacher interviews. Have a little sorting out to do before tomorrow but the planning is already done. We have some catching up to do from the rest of the week so that will keep the kids occupied all day. Will need to do a bit over the weekend again but it really does help me during the week - nice to come home some days and just relax for a while.

Will try to get in early in the morning and put up some of the kids work - that way I can leave straight after work instead of doing it then. Got lunchtime duty tomorrow too so can't do it then ...might even get some of the kids that come in early to help

@Zoe7 Sounds like you have had a good day. I bet the kids would love to help put their work up. You have a really good age to work with, kids that age haven’t developed an attitude yet, they seem to love school and their teachers.

After we lost our son we set up an award that is given at the end of the year to a grade 3 student that has the same qualities that our son had - a caring, quiet achiever that respected both students and teachers, and was

respected by students and teachers in return. Just someone everyone loves to have in class. The student gets a book and their name on a shield that hangs in the foyer of the front office. Sporting ability and academic ability play no part in the award, it’s purely based on all the wonderful qualities kids at that age have that come naturally to them.

The teachers choose the recipient and we go along to the final assembly to present the award. The teachers often say it’s hard to choose just 1 child because at that age they are all still so innocent and respectful.

You are very lucky to play a role in these kids lives.