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It never ends

ForeverbattleCasual Contributor15 July 2019, 1:22 pm AEST

It never ends

I have been doing so well this past 6 months I have dealt with things that in previous years would have left me not able.to function. I am still working my part time job and have his completed my year study. I also had an unexpected operation and lost two of my fur babies. And I am still doing ok. I also had to go back home and that triggered me beyond what I was expecting. The person did things to make sure to show me he still has power over me. It can caused me to deal with flashback night mares since I have been make waking up dripping in sweat and it's also so real.

I am scared to go to sleep now.

I have done therapy I was in intensive therapy for more than 10+ years.

I just want to run from my life and the only way I know how is to end it, but that's not an option .

I am sad my heart hurts and I feel alone more than ever. People don't actually want to spend time and get to know me they just want to use me for my kind heart. I will give my all coz I know what it's like to have no one.

I am tired of doing this even with all I have accomplished it means nothing really.

I just don't wanna battle all my life. This illness is never going anywhere it's just how I manage it and some days it take more effort than others and a lot of the time I have no effort left.

Anyways I don't know what I expect from posting here but thought I would give it ago

15 replies

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In response to: It never ends

Ali11Senior Contributor28 July 2019, 1:26 pm AEST

Re: It never ends

No apology needed @Foreverbattle, you can post or not post however often you like Sounds like that unit has been a really confronting one for you, was the teacher supportive when you spoke after class? How are you feeling this weekend, have you taken some time for yourself?

In response to: Re: It never ends

ForeverbattleCasual Contributor28 July 2019, 8:10 pm AEST

Re: It never ends

The lecture was kind and very trauma informed.
I did this unit last semester and it didn't effect me as much but that was before I went home and had the incident to show me who still has the power.

My weekend didn't really go as planned something was up with one of my cats, and was going to take him to the vet this morning but when I called it didn't seem urgent as he is mostly back to himself. I have an appointment at 9am before work Tuesday so will see what happens.

I have just put a face mask on and am gonna have a shower shortly. Then will try get organized for the week ahead!!

In response to: Re: It never ends

Ali11Senior Contributor28 July 2019, 8:38 pm AEST

Re: It never ends

We hope that your cat continues to improve @Foreverbattle, it's always a stressful experience when a beloved pet is unwell, isn't it?

That sounds like a good way to wind down the weekend/start the week!

In response to: Re: It never ends

Ali11Senior Contributor28 July 2019, 8:38 pm AEST

Re: It never ends

We hope that your cat continues to improve @Foreverbattle, it's always a stressful experience when a beloved pet is unwell, isn't it?

That sounds like a good way to wind down the weekend/start the week!

In response to: Re: It never ends

ForeverbattleCasual Contributor03 Aug 2019, 8:52 pm AEST

Re: It never ends

My cat is ok and back to his normal self and the vets couldn't find anything wrong so I am thankful for that.

It's becoming harder and harder to manage my everyday tasks, everything seems overwhelming and full on and I feel like I don't have time to do much. I also don't know what to do ........I am working and studying but I feel like I am not gonna be able to keep up.

I don't know if I tell the course coordinator or just leave it be. I am studying mental health, and in class we need to remind professional but I don't know if it is something I would share with them.

On Friday again I had to stay back to chat with the lecture because I dissociated just before class ended.

I have a learning plan that say I may do that, this only got added this semester because it only happing again more since I got re traumatized.

I just don't know what to do in anything at the moment and everything seems to hard.

Yet...

I just keep doing it anyways

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