It never ends

Hi @Foreverbattle,

I'm so sorry to hear how long you have been struggling with your mental health.

I just wanted to let you know that I have sent you a check-in email.

Please take care of yourself the best you can, and reach out if you need any help!

Kindest Regards,

Amour_Et_Psyché

@Former-Member don't worry I am not at risk and I know exactly what to do when I am at risk, I have all the support numbers and help hand and I know that I can use them when I get bad I have don't this several times before and am now at place where I am confident to use those supports when it gets to the point I am at serious risk. It's just how it goes sometimes I guess.

I just am gonna do my best to self care and get myself through the day. I just don't have friends to rely on just because when ever I do there is anyways something going on in there world and I get pushed aside.

I have two days off work so hopefully that will help as well.

I am just so tired of it I guess but that is just how it goes someday

Thanks for sending me a check in email:)

Hello @Foreverbattle Just wanted to say I read your post. You have been through a lot.

I hope you find the Forum helpful. It has been life changing for me just to find people who understand without judgment.

Thinking of you. Take care.

I slept most of yesyerday away if I am honest. I was only awake for small periods of time.

Today I went to my friend was nice to be able to hang out with her it had been awhile since I had seen her.

My anxiety today has been quiet bad and made me exhausted. I wasn't able to talk to my friend about all that happened even tho she is aware of what happened and what triggered me back because I havnt been able to see her. She had a lot going on that she needed to tall to and vent about.

My heart is heavy, I need to keep and eye on my thoughts because it's jumping to ending it more and more. I am at no risk of acting on these thought, and will be ok to do what I need if I am, however that does not mean they are not annoying and any less distressing, I know where this road can lead me, in fact i know it all to very well. I will just do what I can to get by.

I have work tomorrow so hopefully that will help somewhat and keep me busy.

Customer service is hard when your heart is heavy.

I just need to keep telling myself, although this illness will never go away there are time when my symptoms are less severe and I can manage myself better. And I guess to hold onto those times.

I am not sure who I am or what I want, I don't know if I am doing things for me or if I am just doing it for others.

I need to try shut my brain down for the night.

I am probably not making any sense, sorry!

Hey there @Foreverbattle, no need to be sorry. We are all here to hold space and we certainly all hear you. The battle, the journey it's familiar to all of us here. Some of us are in the thick of it, closer to feeling fully recovered, and others just beginning their journey . The point is, it is a journey, but things can and will alleviate. You deserve to feel good, I really hope this community helps you to feel less alone throughout all of this 🙂

What sort of supports do you have at the moment? Do you see a counsellor or attend support groups etc? I know you mentioned you engaged in therapy for 10+ years, just curious as to what's working for you now Have you ever had a chat with the team at the SANE Helpline? We have webchat too 🙂 The number is 1800 18 7263.

Let us know how work goes today

@Former-Member For supports at the moment I have only my gp but previously I had much more under the local mental health system, it took me 10+ years to be able to finally go back to just the care of my gp. I did see one psychologist about 7months 8 months ago.

I got a referral to go back, it's just I can not fit it into my schedule at the moment. Between study and work life(this is also first time I have ever been able to hold a job longer than a few months, first time I completed a course also first time for doing both at once!) I just don't get a moment.

I went to the gp the other day for the trouble sleeping, he has known me since 09 but we didn't do anything, I guess it's me just making him and myself aware of the situation incase it gets any worse. My Dr told me he was proud of me for how I am dealing with this he even said a year and a half two years ago I would of been a mess.

The forums seem kind and welcoming it's just hard for me to spend a lot of time on here reading and reply to all.

I am glad I can just vent here.

I have had online chat once, and havnt had to call yet, but know it's a number I can call if I need to thank you, I have a list of emergency numbers 🙂

I need to go try eat and the sleep get ready to do it all again tomorrow!

Sending love @Foreverbattle

Hi @Foreverbattle

First of all I think you should be extremely proud of yourself for choosing to join the forums here. It takes way more courage to speak out that it does to remain silent ❤❤ there is so much acceptance and understanding here night and day so please continue to share here as it has the potential to help you feel less alone in your mental struggles like it has for me.

Today was a really tough day.....this week has been tough to be honest. But today I guess was the day it got to me most.

It made me realize just how retraumatized going home was for me. One of the units of study i am doing is trauma informed care. Today was the first class. I ended up having to leave class during a group activity and tell the teacher to stop coz he kept asking question. And then I walked out coz I was gonna cry. I went to the toilet to wash my face and went back away from the group. The teacher spoke to me after class and had a bit of a cry again. I will decide if that unit is for me to do this semester or not after a little longer.

I have been crying on and off all night, I havnt felt this way in such a long time, that I had forgotten how soul crushing and how much energy it takes to try talk myself out of my overreations and heightened senses.

I have work tomorrow and always a long list.of things I need to do.

I will try go to bed soon I need to try get a good sleep but it has been so hard to get.

I have had no time to even really get back on here to now and I feel awful not reply to other in need and just thinking about my self defenitly creates guilt. So please forgive me for that