How Do We Deal With Pain?

Life hurts.

How much it hurts is a very personal thing.

How do we deal with the Pain that life, unavoidably for the most part, bestows upon us?

How do we react to the Pain? How do we cope with Pain? How do we express our intense reactions to Pain (in hopefully non-harmful, productive, compassionate and creative ways)?

How do we turn Pain into pain?

How do we fight through chronic Pain?

How do we look within ourselves each day and behold the breathtaking levels of our Pain, and yet still find the will to go on in our Painful existence?

It would appear that one of the most Universal common uniting qualities us humans experience as we go through life is our shared individual relationship with Pain.

From my careful, considered lifelong study of human beings - I being the main one I've had a chance to poke, prod, and otherwise study - I observe that with all this Pain around, is it any wonder that we aren't all a little bit loopy?

I have observed pain. It is an interesting phenomenon. So very individual and subjective. My worst pain ever is not your worst pain ever, my 3 out of 10 is not your 3 out of 10, and all that...

We each have different levels of pain sensitivity, and individual pain thresholds.

We also have different types of pain -

• The various Physical Pains (dull constant ache or sharp and sudden; or skin pain, muscle pain, spinal pain, interior pain; or "Ouch! Hot!"; or inflamed; or chronic pain)...
• The uncounted and uncountable Mental Pains that we subject ourselves and each other to...
• The intense Emotional Pains that we experience through our lives. Strong emotions, like Guilt. Regret. Sorrow. Hatred. Envy. Fear. Anger. Grief. Mistrust. Or just Lost...
• The Pain of our Ego, struggling with itself and struggling with others, getting its nose put out of joint by the actions or inactions of others, or competing with others, or needing to be loved by parents (for example), or feeling guilty for doing or not doing something, all that kind of stuff...
• The unclearer, more hidden Spiritual Pains that we struggle to recognise, understand, even admit to feeling. Meaning Of Life kind of stuff. Navel gazing. Why are we here? What happens when I die? That sort of thing...

I openly confess to feeling all of these various pains at various times of my life. Some I have felt for all of my existence. Some I am feeling for the first time. Some yet await me, I suspect... hahaha...

I said that it is a Universal human condition to suffer pain. We all feel pain at times in our lives. Physical pain and emotional (or psychological) pain are the two broad categories that the overarching concept of "Pain" falls into these days in our largely secular society, without getting too metaphysical.

Physical pain is, on the surface, fairly easy to understand. Our nerves exist to inform our brains that a harmful situation is in place, and attention and action need to be applied in order to address the source of the pain.

Chronic pain (of an ongoing nature over a long period) is a different kettle of fish. Dealing with chronic pain can be hugely complex and difficult, and learning to live with it requires much support, understanding and awareness. Chronic pain often has a very strong element of psychological pain attached to it as well.

Pain is a very personal thing. Each and every one of us has an individual understanding of what pain is, and we each have different tolerances and pain thresholds and sensitivities to pain. One person's 8 out of 10 is definitely not another person's 8 out of 10. Pain is so very subjective and individual, as are our responses to it.

Alas, in our modern Western society, since the widespread availability of painkillers or analgesics of various types and potencies, we have become very averse to Pain. We dislike Pain. We wish to avoid it at any cost. Because of the world in which we live, often we are able to reduce or remove or mask the Pain simply by popping a pill.

Personally, I am not much of a fan of pain medication. It's not that I'm anti-meds or anything like that. But with my particular hypermobility disorder, apparently pain meds don't work very well on me. The lighter ones don't do anything at all to lessen pain in me. So I just have to try and find ways to deal with my pain without meds, because I'm wary of the stronger pain medications, the kind that you can get addicted to...

But I digress. Getting back to how we deal with Pain, I can only go off what I experience, so I will share a little of my story if I may? I hope you don't mind...

For those who aren't aware, hypermobility is when one or more of your joints move too much for their own good. It was what people used to call "Double Jointed" in the good old days. That term isn't used much any more, but some may remember it.

I used to have a few party tricks I could do. Lots of weird stuff with my fingers and toes. Being able to wiggle just the end of my big toe without moving anything else. Being able to click my toes like you click fingers. Bending my thumb back to my wrist (but I stopped that one, because it was straining my wrist too much). I can still bend my little finger backwards and almost touch the back of my hand. I can do that finger trick that apparently most people can't do, you know, where you've got your middle finger's middle join down flat on the table; then, without moving that section of finger off the table, you find that you can move all the other finger tips off the table, except of course for the ring finger. Well, piece of cake for me. I freaked a kid's party magician out once when he did that whole "No one can do this, it's impossible..." thing. I did it easy, and he was like all "Dude. How is that possible?" and got me to do it a few more times so he could see it from different angles... hahaha...

But apart from party tricks, and the fact that my ankles click very very loudly, sometimes with every step I take (imagine movie-style Bruce Lee knuckle cracking loud!), hypermobility is as important a part of my life as bipolar is.

Hypermobility is painful. Constantly. Because of slackness of ligaments or missing cartilage or little fairies spreading Pain Dust, my joints move too much. Not all of them. But a lot of them...

All fingers and toes. My fingers often lock in place when I'm cleaning or gardening (and the OCD doesn't help with that, ladies and germs... hahaha...), and I have to crack them and wiggle them or whatever to get them moving again. Walking can be interesting, with toes that bend too much...

Wrists. I strained my wrist getting a one litre carton of milk out of the fridge once...

Ankles. I was doing the cossack dance at a mate's wedding many moons ago. Because of my slack joints, it was easy to cossack dance, so I used to cossack dance when the mood took me, and you got enough drinks into me... hahaha... I went over on my ankle this one time at the mate's wedding reception. Felt it go, big time. Swelled up and major discolouration. Sobered me up straight away. I retired to bed with an ice pack. Months went by. It wasn't getting much better. The colour cleared in time, but I kept getting a swollen ankle whenever I walked more than a couple of hundred metres. I had gotten an X-Ray to check it wasn't broken at the time, but nothing showed up. So I went to physio for 9 months. It became kind of a social event for me, meeting up with the funny physio people, treating people in pain. It felt good to make them laugh and to laugh with them. They were nice. But my ankle was still buggered. It wasn't getting better. So I had a scan done on it, and they found that I had torn the ligament partially loose from the bone, and there were little bone fragments inside the ankle joint, which had then damaged the ankle joint surfaces... blah blah blah. That was expensive but easy to fix - arthroscopy surgery and a week on crutches, and it's been schweeeeeet ever since...

Feet. I have very flat feet. All 3 of my foot arches were flat. It hurt to stand for more than about 10 minutes. That made life hell for me at music festivals (Gaaahhh!!!) But I've been walking everywhere barefoot for about 4 years or so now (I think - time isn't my strong suit), and the muscle tone in my feet and lower legs has fixed what nature and genetics couldn't do - fixed my arches and strengthened up my loose ankles...

Neck and Spine. Ongoing chiropractic helps with that. I would get a couple of adjustments per month usually. Expensive, but otherwise I couldn't move or do anything. I had to work, so I had to get my spine straightened up again. I haven't been for 2 years (except for two much-needed adjustments), but have been fairly active on the road during our trip around Oz. What they say about movement and gentle muscle strengthening is so very true, especially for the core muscles...

Jaw. Apparently, a few weeks ago I dislocated my jaw as I was sleeping. It popped back in straight away (I woke to the cracking sound!), but it's been sore for a while. Just settling down now. Stupid body... hahaha...

Here's a story from my childhood. It describes much of what hypermobility is to me. It hints at more...

When I was a kid back in Denmark, it would often be quite cold and windy. Even during summer, it could be cold. You know, before global warming and all that... hahaha...

During winter, my grandma and my mum would go for walks with me down to the beach. Each of them held my hand. Then, after a while, they would swap who was holding which hand. As it turns out, they were warming their hands, using my hands to do so. Their other hands would be still inside their gloves, tucked into their jackets. But they warmed their hands using my hands...

That's because I radiate heat. A lot of it. It was years before I put two and two together, and realised that I burn so hot because of the multiple strains and injuries I had, with all of the inflammation and swelling and heat produced...

But hypermobility was more than just the pain of that reality. It was the wonderful warm glowing memory of walking hand in hand to the beach with my grandmother and my mother as well. That is what helps me to deal with the pain. I warm myself on that memory and many others, and everyone knows that a warm pack helps for the pain... hahaha...

Hypermobility has done much good in my life, but I have to go looking for it. Do you know why Mindfulness and meditation come very naturally to me? They say it's difficult to do, but not for me. There's a simple reason for this...

My hypermobility caused me to be hypervigilant and aware of my body's various joints and angles and positions and so forth. I had to move right, or the rubber joints of RubberBand Man Me would snap, so I had to be in the Now all the time I was moving, not distracted. A brief moment of inattentiveness can easily lead to months of pain.

I move very methodically. A trip or a slip can cause months (sometimes years) of slow and painful recovery from soft tissue damage. Sprains and strains are my constant companions.

I remain Mindful of what I do with my pain. This is important. I can do all that is in my power to improve my condition, but at the end of it, there will still be pain of some description to endure.

Often when we are in pain, we get short tempered. We snap. We lose the ability to put up with things. It is exhausting to deal with all of this pain...

We wish to hide away by ourselves and be with our pain alone. Pain and suffering are intensely personal experiences, especially in this society we find ourselves in. Some indigenous cultures help each other and deal with pain communally. We choose to hide it away and avoid it, as if it's some big dirty secret...

Sometimes I deal with pain by finding ways to be grateful to it. This pain teaches me things, so it is not all bad. This pain motivates me to change things where I am able, in order to be fee of this pain or to lessen it…

My dad always said "I love pain. It feels so beautiful once it is gone."…

And of course, there's more to life than physical pain…

Eckhart Tolle talks of the "egoic mind" and of pain bodies. Much of it is all tied up in how much of our life we invest in our perception of "self". The more strength and credence we lend to this projection of our "self" that we identify as us, the more we open ourselves up to being hurt. The concept of "self" can be very fragile.

Many people respond to criticism (no matter how constructive it is and how gently it is delivered) very defensively, closing their ears, refusing to accept the truth, perhaps acting aggressively. I've done that. I think we all have...

That defensiveness or anger is actually a response to underlying fear. That fear results from a vulnerable projection of self, one that can easily be hurt by contradictory viewpoints or by challenges from others.

Forgiveness is a construction of thought, of the egoic self. It makes us feel good ultimately to forgive someone. It remains all about us. We are the ones at the centre of our own Universe, and all else revolves around us.

But if instead we see that there is no hurt to begin with and there is nothing to forgive, that is a much more selfless way of approaching it.

Love and compassion are not emotions. To me, the message I get from life is that love and compassion are the energy or understanding that binds all of existence together. When we love something or someone truly, we don't do so because of what that thing or person can give us, what they can do to satisfy our wants and needs. True love, to me, is a selfless thing above and beyond emotions or thoughts or anything to do with projections or perceptions of self...

I definitely believe that selfless love and compassion can do much to heal our own hurts, irrespective of what the qualities of love and compassion are or where they stem from...

Anyhoo, that's just about enough twaddle from MotorMouth Si… 🙂

Hugs and happy vibes beaming to you all. As always, I welcome your thoughts and perspectives. I love to learn from others…