The Sleep Demon

Hi Decadian.

Yes, my doctors knows about my poor sleep hygiene. I only take the sleepers when I absolutely have to so as not to get addicted to them, but even then they do very little.

Generally once I've woken up, I spend the rest of the night trying gently to get back to sleep and not beating myself up or getting too frustrated when I can't. It's warm in bed and cold out and I don't really have anything to do. My life is incredibly boring. I don't have any hobbies and can't even be bothered picking up my old battered guitar any more. I used to also write short stories, which I could do at any time of the wee hours, but alas, since starting on meds some time ago, I simply lost all inclination to write. I used to write on my wildly fluctuating moods, but the meds have evened the moods to the point whereby I just don't care any more. I don't look at that as a good thing. More a mind numbing thing they've done to me, but I hope I won't be on them for life. In the meantime, sleep remains elusive.

Ellie.

@Ellie

I am wary of meds because of the same reason. I am on them for now ... got a lot to get through but hope I will lower doses soon.

With me, sleepers do help me to go to sleep, but they don't keep me asleep and getting to sleep isn't the issue. I usually get to sleep alright, juts wake a couple of hours later for the duration.

One problem is that the medication I'm on is an "activating" drug, so that most likely doesn't help either.

Exercise is probably my best bet, but I hate walking or riding my bike in public due to paranoia and gym membership would almost be worse. No room in this little place for a walking machine either 😞

Ellie.

Good for you Kurra. Congrats 🙂

Hi @Snuchu

The S word - have I ever had trouble with my mother and the S word

I say suicide - but then - as my grandmother was Irish and would call a spade a shovel I seem to have followed her lead and been honest with language

I don't know about my mother's friend - she might have made a mistake - but whatever happened - I could not talk about suicide when a girl threw herself off the building where I was working - it was a bad thing and through my life learned to keep things to myself and this extended to my silence for years knowing that my son was self-destructive from an early age -

Even then my mother would not allow he had committed suicide - but when my cousin died in unusual circumstances - she rang me and told me ".....has committed suicide" - and ripped me apart.

There are times and this weekend is one of them - when I am convinced that my mother skewed life to suit herself - and how wonderful it would have been if she had been a person I could have talked to

But she wasn't - and I can accept that but I still hate it

So @Snuchu - you have to live your life with the situation that is perfectly normal - people have sleep problems or think thoughts people are concerned about in the unhelpful way - or go to hospital -

I'm sorry - people have issues - and these issues are so much better aided if the audience is at least sympathic - and not judgmental

I wonder - those of us who live lives that are often unhappy are not crazy - but troubled, hurt, just confused -

If those of us who have sorrows of all kinds - we don't need judgment - we rather need acceptance - but those we want to accept are those who will not or cannot - and I am sorry -

I am so glad I found this website - it is a good place to be and a safe place to share

Decadian

Thanks for that link @Silenus

I have seen this before - so long ago -

I will study this - it will take a little time but I can do most of the work off line

Thanks for putting this up -

Decadian