Georgie1Casual Contributor
Pacing the Bipolar illness. Any tips?
Hello. Im' experiencing some debilitating symptoms of depression. I stay in bed absent from activities of daily living. Lost to friends and family. Alone and in bed. Believing it is an escape when really it is a choice. A choice that takes me out for another day. My illness over these past 20 years has included states of depression where I lie in a comma or catastrophic state. Writing that reminds me that hey I have been worse than this! It's just that I've had higher expectations than this. I haven't wanted this rat wheel of one depressive episode after another. Clawing back only to loose it bit by bit or in a suddenly collapse. I wasn't going to let BP define me but it overcomes me. I am robbed of my intellect my desires, dreams, ambitions, cognition, decision making and of life itself. I know what helps but am put off by the effort and will power. I know I feel better getting into my clothes yet it is a full force battle to break the inertia that screams don't do it! You don't have to and I give up. Attitude turns negative destructive and rebellious. THEN.... Today I have been functioning well. I had the determination to stay out of bed even though fatigued and now this evening I notice a brightness that is in such a reversal. I want to do things. It's almost a moment of shock sending me into high alert. In fact I do worry when this happens. I know I am unwell even with the lift. I guess im writing to find how people pace themselves. I am mostly Type 1 depressive