Mental Illness and Chemical Addiction...

Hi @Tyler77, seven days clean is great. I would suggest just not worrying too much about the caffeine and nicotine for now. You have enough on your plate dealing with the main issue in this moment. Just a thought to take or leave as you wish. Really admire your persistence. All strength to you.

Hey everyone, I'm really stuggling over here.

On the one hand I want to be addiction free...

On the other, the medications dont just get me high, they help me cope and manage my day to day life.

I have been pacing the halls like a madman at my house, unable to sit still or enjoy very much at all for weeks now. I have 17 days clean, this time around, but I just can't stop the restlessness I feel.

These are some of the core symptoms of ADHD....Restlessness and a difficulty concentrating and focusing on topics...Since I have quit the ADHD meds, these symptoms have come back full force and i feel like a complete nut job.

Sure I can put my mind toi things when its really important or when i really want to, such as writing this adjunct to the forum. But prior to this, i was pacing for a hour, wondering aimlessly trying to get motiviated to do something worth while.

I've supplemented my lack of stimulation with caffeine and nicotine and currently consume far too much in my opinion of both. But i dont know what else to do. If i don't consume alot of each, I am miserable and end up sleeping the day away.

I can get a new script at the end of this week. And I will have at least 21 ish days clean. I just dont know what to do. Like i said, being clean and non addicted is amazing, but not when living clean is like this....

My parents say I should just stick it out and that it will get better with time. But I fear, it may never get better, I will instead just get used to my new normal.

I don't know what to do. I cant go on living like I have been over the past couple weeks. Prayers and thoughts are always appreciated, but i think im gonna have to go back on the medication....

Really bummed right now. 😕

Good to hear from you @Tyler77 but really sorry it's so tough right now. I'm sorry I don't have any advice for you but can just offer a friendly face and support. I haven't dealt with addiction before but understand it's really difficult. Have you discussed this with any health professionals? Just stating the bleed'n obvious but wondering what their advice would be. Anyway wishing you the best and hoping for the best outcome whatever that will be. Sending hugs 😊💜

Hi @Tyler77,

I used to be addicted to coffee and I found that it made me very unwell. I was super anxious and doing that "pacing" around the house thing that you describe.

You say that without caffeine and cigarettes you just want to sleep all day? But wouldn't that be preferable? Your tired body may need a lot of sleep at this time.

I think you have done great to get through 17 days of withdrawal! Well done. Surely the worst is over?

I know this is much easier said than done, but maybe if you allow yourself to sleep for 12 hours then set your alarm and get up and do some gentle exercise.... stretching and yoga are really good, Or a walk in nature, perhaps.

Eat something nutritious and then allow yourself to sleep again. Drink a lot of water.

Feeling tired in itself is not really a problem if you listen to your body and allow yourself some well-deserved rest. There is nothing wrong with sleeping- it can be nature's way of healing us.

If you don't want to go cold-turkey from coffee, then you could always cut down to 2 cups in the morning and then just see how the day pans out without it.

I'm not sure what your commitments are regarding work and study?

I just wanted to ask if your withdrawal from meds is being supervised by a doctor? If so, maybe now is a good time for a visit and a check-up on how you are going.

ADHD is an ilness and perhaps there are other treatments out there that are more suitable for you?

S.

Hi @Tyler77,

Hugs for what you've been going through. I admire your strong dedication so far to what you had decided.

But it sounds like a more complex situation than I initially understood. What I'm reading now is that you have ADHD and the meds are for that. But, to complicate things, it sounds like you have been abusing those meds. Is that how it is or have I got it a bit mixed up? What seems to make it complex is that you may need the meds in the right dosage.

Are you getting any assistance or advice from your doctors about what you are going through with this withdrawal? It sounds like you really need some help with this rather than doing it mostly alone. Parents are a great support but they often don't understand the ins and outs of prescribed medications. If I was you, I'd be wanting to really talk things through with your doctor, preferably psychiatrist if you have one. You may also benefit from the help of a psychologist if it turns out that what is really needed is for you to resist abusing the meds but to take them in the correct dosage only.

However the situation is for you in real life, I am sending you strength and kind wishes for the best outcome for you.

Thanks for the support @Former-Member & @Sahara as well as @Mazarita

Umm, thats correct. I have the diagnosis of ADHD which I believe is accurate, but the medication used to treat the ADHD is very addictive and has a high potential for abuse. Which I have been doing ( using too much of the medication, well...more than is precribed). I don't really get high from the medication, I just get highly functional. It helps me to calm down and focus intensely on whatever it is I may put my mind to. BUT if you use too much or too little, intoxication or withdrawal can occur and delusions, paranoia, anxiety just to name a few symptoms can appear.

Its is so difficult for me to try to share adequately the extent of the frustration I feel. Since I have this disorder, I need the meds, but the meds are dangerous and addictive and can cause serious side effects. Its like being told your gonna have a crappy life, but there is this substance you can take that will make it not so crappy. The only catch is, you'll get addicted and dependent on it and It can cause alot of other problems.

Tomorrow I will be just one day shy of 21 days clean. And I feel great, but my two near constants are a general unease, a need to move (hyperactivity) and an inability to get engaged or focused on much at all.

I have called to my doctor already for him to refill a script. He did it, but then insurance complicated the matter and now he has to write to the insurance company. I'm not sure if he'll go through with all that. I am hopefull yet not that he will. Either way, whether he precribes the medication to me or not, I am 20 days clean tommorrow and the worst part of withdrawals are over. So I am kinda stressing over it but not completely freaking out.

I am being monitored by a doctor. Multiple ones. I am not worried about having serious issues other than a potential panic attack.

Life has been seriously hard for me. I don't know many people for whom it has been all roses. But i just hope things get back on track for me and I start seeing better days very soon....

Hi @Tyler77,

Apologies if I may be asking you to repeat yourself from earlier posts. My memory is sometimes not the best because of medications I am taking for bipolar, my own history of addiction to the green (which I am now three months free of), and just getting older I think.

I asked about the medical monitoring not because of physical health issues, but to further learn what professional advice you might be getting about therapeutic versus abuse levels of this medication you have been taking. Bear in mind, of course, that I and others here have no qualifications to advise you on medications. Just responding as best we can to what seems to be a painful predicament for you.

From your last post, I can see that you are at a critical crossroads at present.

One article I read on the web says that higher amounts than are medically prescribed are usually needed for addiction to occur, even with long term medical use. Also that much higher doses than medically prescribed are usually needed for paranoia and delusions to occur. This probably doesn't apply to the withdrawal period you have been going through just recently. I imagine your biochemistry would have been very unstable during this time.

If it was me in your position, I would be asking myself if I could continue to live with the symptoms of ADHD without the medication. If not, I'd be wanting to find ways to stick to the therapeutic dose only. This could involve enlisting the help of a psychologist, perhaps preferably one with experience with addictions. Above all, I'd be wanting to talk clearly with my current doctors about the therapeutic versus addiction aspects, asking for clear information and advice on the matter and weighing things up for myself from there.

Best wishes whatever way you choose to go with this. In all cases, there is support here for you, even if not easy answers to your situation.

Thanks @Mazarita

Yea, I am not sure if the withdrawal symptoms I was expierencing were just a reemergence of the ADHD the drugs were trying to help allieviate. I definitly expierenced hyperactivity and inattention.

But today is 20 days clean mark and I am feeling much better. Not nearly as ambitious, driven and focused as I used to be, but i am much more so now than when I first quit.

I'm working in conjunction with doctors to help me through this troubling time. They all seem to agree that I might need medication but should have my medication managed by someone else, like a parent or spouse, so I don't use too much of the medication.

Right now, I am waiting to here back from my doctor on whther or not he will be writing a script for me. I'm kinda wanting it and kinda not. If he doesn't, then at least i dont have to go through withdrawal again. If he does, I am gonna have to find a way to manage my meds, like giving them to my parents to dole out every evening. Luckily I live close to them, so thats not a issue.

If I were to recieve the call from my pharmacy right now, telling me the script was ready, part of me would be ecstatic and part of me would be not so much. The estatic part of me, isn't rejoicing because i get high, but rather because it allieviates my symptoms of pacing, hyperactivity and a lack of foresight and focus. It in general, in my opinion makes me a better me. Not just mentally, but physically as well. As when I use the medication, I can workout longer and more intensely than I could without it. (There is a reason, why its a banned substance by the Olympic Anti Doping Committee). If my body and mind were a car, this medication would be equivalent to a supercharger and nitrous. Sure, I could probably manage my life without the medication, but it might not be as positive as It could be if I sought and stuck to treatment.

I'll keep you and the rest of the group updated...