New to BPD and PTSD

Hi,

this is the first time here and not to offend anyone I really wish I didn’t have to. My wife whom I married last year has a history of complex trauma resulting in BPD and PTSD.

in the time we have been together as friends as well I have only seen an episode early this year but we work and live rural so we got through but last week after an ongoing trauma she was taken to hospital after I had observed mania etc for some weeks. Fortunately we were in the city but it has meant that I have not been able to return to work because of the distance and my daughter is currently in school up there. We both work together so it’s been really difficult. So right now I’m in limbo supporting my wife, making arrangements for my daughter who I’m also in a custody battle with and figuring out how I can get a job in the city after getting my dream job rural. I feel isolated even in the city and although our friends are supportive they are not here at 1am when we are going around the house locking us in so no one can get us or at 4am when I get woken up suddenly to attend to whatever is happening for my wife at the time. People say that I should take a break but that’s easier said than done when it’s someone you love. Right now I feel like I suddenly lost my best friend and I look at photos from only a few months ago and wish we were in that space again. I was at the shops before and started crying at the checkout. I’m scared that we won’t get back to where we were before and as this all started I had only just been diagnosed with PTSD and childhood trauma myself and I’ve not been able to even think about that. I’m just feeling alone and sad. We do have a community around us but the focus is predominantly on my wife as I understand. When I look at her right now I search for that friend I married and often she’s not there, her eyes change. She gets angry at things that she never used to and so I find myself just trying to make everything calm and if we are out I get anxious if I can see triggers because I don’t know what’s next. It’s still very early..like 4 days into medication so I know it’s early but right now I just feel sad. Sorry for such a long post, there are a lot of complexities to what is happening on top of all this for us so need to start somewhere because right now I just don’t know what to do. Thanks Dove73 😢