The Fast Turnaround, Dizzy one day, Deathly the next

Hi @MoonGal

That was a horrible setback, but I agree, you seem to be making great gains over all, just from the posts I have been following on the forum.

I think that was a really powerful visualisation, and I would encourage you to believe in it. It is not hard to lose your footing when something you had worked hard for was not respected in the way you hoped, but today was just one day, and there have been many other good days.

Even if tomorrow isn't a good day, perhaps you can aim for a not-so-bad day or an okay day on the other side of a bad day, and try not to "throw the baby out with the bath water". The good days have been really good, and if you count he okay days as good days, and the not-so-bad days as good days too, maybe you are doing much better than you think in the midst of a bad moment.

Maybe that is what your partner is seeing too .... they love you deeply, obviously, and want the best for you, for both of you, which means that whatever is happening with your Mum, the two of you deserve your own good moments together as well. Light a candle, put on some background music, sit down with the one you love, let the tears flow a bit for their healing power, and have a cup of tea together in a bubble that locks out everything else for a while, if you can ........

Gentle thoughts wafting your way .........

Deep calming breaths to help the storm pass by you ........

Big warm hugs from us here on the forum ........

We are proud of you, despite the melt-downs. You're all heart @MoonGal.

😘 ........... ❤️💗💜❤️💗💜 ............. 🌷💐🌷💐🌷💐🌷

Hi @Faith-and-Hope and @JoseJones

Morning has broken, and I find immense comfort in your insight @Faith-and-Hope - perspective is everything, isn't it?

Maybe Ms Invincibility is my true state (although of course not just armoured up ready to fight rather, love warrior in herself, able to deal with whatever comes).

I tried hard @JoseJones to impart the sense that I was not at crisis, that I was safe and loved I was not so much 'in crisis' as inflicted with an exorbitance of believing my own reality.

Here I am, now with a good sleep under my belt and feeling so much more sane and centred.

Perspective IS everything. I love it @Faith-and-Hope that you substituted my reality with a different "Maybe it is more like this" version. Very, very helpful peer-to-peer support, thank you.

This...
"Even if tomorrow isn't a good day, perhaps you can aim for a not-so-bad day or an okay day on the other side of a bad day, and try not to "throw the baby out with the bath water". The good days have been really good, and if you count he okay days as good days, and the not-so-bad days as good days too, maybe you are doing much better than you think in the midst of a bad moment."

What great advice, yeah I have apropensity towards ALL OR NOTHING, I do often 'throw the baby out with the bath water" in fact that is kind of my middle name!

Moon throw-the-baby-out-with-the-bath-water Gal.

Something terrible happend to me at work in May 2011, that reinstituted and switched on the (by then) fairly stable PTSD issues (from my childhood) and since then I have flailed about often in a sea of intrusive thought, high anxiety etc. My deep dissapointment in myself for losing the plot on Friday (in front of important people in my Mum's life now) made me feel very ashamed of myself. One minute the 'perfect, capable, doing-a-good-job daughter' the next a sobbing, angry harridan having a rant. The RN was fabulous she immeditely came and encouraged me to sit on the bed, and she rubbed my back and patted my shouler, she was all of 5 ft tall (and I am an Amazon) she obviously deals with 'out-of-touch' messes every day. I did calm down and negotated a halfway position for the sleeping tablets, to try to not use them every night as a matter of course, Mum agreed, but I could see in her eyes she just wants to take them. Maybe i just need to let her go on that score, maybe MY desire is stronger than her desire for as much cognition as possible, maybe the reality of dementia and now no longer being independant means, she would like that buffer that deadening, who am I to deny her her pills, when I have so many to try to ameliorate against life's travails... eh?

So - all I wrote last night was to get it OUT of my head and make sense of it, It is useful, because I can clearly see this morning how skewed my thinking becomes (mental illness really is disordred thought isn't it?) and today I feel SO much better - particularly with the solid 'stand by me' I got from you two, thank you.

@JoseJones

This....

"The visualisation you described sounds really interesting, and very evocative. It sounds like you were able to tap into parts of yourself that sometimes seem elusive. It also sounds like you have some good strategies at your disposal to help you direct your course, but there are these sorts of quick turnarounds that put you back in the really negative spaces. It must make it difficult to have faith in the good times, or fully relax into them if you're bracing for the bad times to hit. "

Thankyou for the reflection of what you gleaned from my long woeful post.

Yes! I DO have good tools at hand/mind/heart - I AM able to lift myself up and out of the quagmire - AND - Between you and @Faith-and-Hope's loving responses - I will TRUST myself that using those tools is helpful, rather than run-away-screaming that "nothing ever works" that "it is all sh*t" that "I hate my life". Mmm, that is so fully Catastrophising, Permananet and pervasive thinking applied to a Temporary and Transient state.

Reality Check!

Love this forum. Love the help, the camraderie the insight and the solidness of "gotcha back".

Today I will meditate on Balance again. Will inhabit Ms Tranquility.

I am a Tree, a Mountain, a Cave.
Strong, Solid, Deep and Brave.


credit where credit is due: Art by Seth. www[dot]etsy[dot]com/no-en/shop/theartofseth

I remembererd an artwork of mine...
Light and dark, bare and fecund,
the trunk strong womanhood....
At one with the cosmos.
Eternal.

Hey @Faith-and-Hope, @Former-Member, @JoseJones, @BlueBay, @Mazarita...

I have found Mum a permanent place! YAY. I took her to look at it after I inspected it yesterday, and she likes it. Well, LIKE is a strong word for resigned to having to live somewhere it might as well be here.

Celebration! ME! Me! Me! Me.

I stayed the course and got it done.

Still got lots to do , have to help her (do it all) to move her in. Need to sell her home and dispose of the bulk of her stuff. Poor Ma, she just wanted to stay at home but her cognitive wheels fell off.

Thnaks fr all your help and support over the duration.

Hi @MoonGal

I am so glad that you have found a place for your mum 🙂

As much as it is sad and it hurts this place is the best place for your mum. And the fact that she liked it is a big bonus!!

You will have a lot to do with moving all her things, selling her house and disposing of all the other items. Is the aged care facility close to home?

With my mother in law going into care this year, we were taking in her clothes and items she wanted every week in a suitcase. But we live 45 mins away so it was hard to go daily. But now she has a majority of her clothes and she is okay. Only last weekend we cleared her bedroom out and moved all the rest of her things in a store room we have. My husband felt a bit weird moving all her things but at least now its all done so when she passes away all we have to do is get rid of it all and take all her old clothes to the salvos. He is okay now because he knows it's all done and it is for the best for his mum and for us as a family.

A good tip for when you clean out her place and room is to check every pockets, zips because you never know what you may find. We found money stashed everywhere, wrapped up in paper towel, shoved in bottom drawers - so a tip - check everything!!!

As for selling your mum's house - I can't remember if you have family that can help you??

I am so glad to read that you have a place for your mum and she likes it. It will take time for her and you to adjust; but just knowing yourself that she is in proper care 24/7 and you can start to have a life as well.

Take care, hope things keep going well for you. all the best with clearing and selling the house.

Let us know how you go. xxxooo

That is absolutely awesome @MoonGal ❤️💗💜

Good on you ❣ ........ And good for you ❣ ......... And good for your Mum ❣ ........ she must be starting to recognise the benefits of not trying to struggle on alone and then encountering crises ....... it must have been very tiring for her as well as for you .......

Wishing you good energy for all the bits and pieces you still need to glue into their new places 🌷

ah yes, @Faith-and-Hope - that has been a very hard part of all of this in being 'there' for my Mum as she has her cognitive wheels falling off and her knowing it, (some days) the steps and thoughts through being 'dependant', the hard yards for her being in hopsital and not recognising that BOTH times she 'did it to herself' by deciding to drink and take pills, but not rememebering that. The sadness of loss of dignitiy, of loss of self-determination. Her sadness and grief at how her life has 'come to this". I see HER, I feel for her, the woman she is / was and will be from now on declining. I almost wish for her a sudden onset forgetting of everything (or a quick peaceful death which is what she wants) - so she just doesn't have to remember what she has lost. I would weep for her but cannot let losse that storm YET,

I hold her hand, I cradle her face in both hands look her in the eyes and say "I love you 'her full name', I love you mum" and she responds "I am sorry I am such a burden" I say again. "I love you Mum" and she says "Thank you".

She asks why I am doing all of this, and I say "Because that's what Loves does" and "Because you taught me well" and "How can I not?".

I have barely had time to feel my feelings FOR her, just ON as the carer/organiser, perhaps once all the dust has settled I can have a cry FOR her.

I can so relate to what you are going through @MoonGal, with differences in the script .....

I lost my Mum over the corse of a year or so, to systemic scleroderma. That thing masqueraded as a ongoing drama of minor ailments and illness that had us all, including the specialists, wondering what was going on. We didn't realise we were losing her at first ..... but it became apparent that these ongoing waves of illness were draining her of strength and ability, and she was going under by degrees ..... so hard to even revisit it, and yet it is part of the healing to think back over it and come to terms with things in increments.

We had just moved overseas, so it was agonising being away ftom her in her time of need, and yet it resulted in the surprise gift of being able to be right by her side for her last two months, which would not have been at all possible if w e had been based in Australia at the time with the school terms as they are here. We ended up back here on the European Summer school break - my kids would still have been spread across four different schools if we had been here .....

My Mum was in a country region, and it meant we could go to be with her. And she was in hospital, so I wasn't responsible for managing my kids and her immediate care.

Stay strong @MoonGal. There is still quite a road ahead of you, but you are doing great !!

❤️💗💜