Relationships and Trust

@YellowbrickRoad Hi YellowbrickRoad for me and my ex for example it was a rocky destructive end due to circumstances (mental illness, my son2, finances etc) outside our control and now upon reflection he has major regrets re divorce etc me not at all I am happy being single. He cheated on me with another woman who now lives with and yet he said to me just last weekend that he regrets divorcing me.... as I said I don't, I have a freedom now that is very special and I am loathe to give away again. Plus there is a saying fool me once shame on you fool me twice shame on me.

It is a very person thing relationships I am not going to give advice except wish you luck in yours. greenpea x

Thanks @Bunniekins ... your story is enough to see another’s point of view on things so no advice needed. Sometimes advice is useless in these messy scenarios anyway! I couldn’t explain my specific problem without writing a series of 3 novels and releasing a film based on said novel, to explain it fully anyway, so I thought sharing short stories might be a little easier 😂

It’s excellent that you are happy in the place that you are now. From what you’ve said, he lacks empathy for both the woman he is with now and for yourself. He’s prepared to confess feelings of regret to you but would he confess that to her as well? Probably not.

The saying ‘fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me’ makes my gut sink. I don’t know why, but it’s probably because I’ve been fooled once and I’m probably going to let myself be fooled again. Why do I let it happen? I guess it’s all based on fear at the end of the day.

As I write I notice that I answer a lot of my own questions lol maybe I should write more often! Thanks for sharing 🙂

@YellowbrickRoad Hey YellowbrickRoad you made me laugh with the 3 novels and film comment. You take good care of yourself. Love greenpea :)x

hi @YellowbrickRoad

my mother emotioanlly abused me growing up and my boyfriends did the same thing.

It's all very easy to see now with hindsight and with not being in love in a relatiosnhip. But yeah, fool me once shame on you, fool me twice.. no thirty times..shame on me, I am dating my horribly, manipulative ex-boyfriend who played me like a flute 'cos I wanted him to be more than my abuive parents whereas he had little more to offer.

@BryanaCamp Hi BryanaCamp my father was an non functioning alcoholic he reeked havoc in our family from when I can remember as a small child through to when he died. I remember once we got into an argument and he through a glass of wine in my face all the while with this evil grin on his face. It has taken me along time to get over what damage he caused in my life and that of my sibling and mother. It coloured my feeligns on men for years I distrusted them and used them as much as they used me. Even to this day I am extremely wary.

What has made me survive is being able to forgive him. He was an extremely flawed character but damaged himself as much as he damaged us. That doesnt mean I forget but it means I can move on.

You are a wonderful human being smart and fun don't let anyone tell you differently and you only deserve the best. Remember that. greenpeaxxxx

Hi @YellowbrickRoad

and @Bunniekins and @BryanaCamp

This is an interesting discussion

I had a friend - we didn't live together but we had an on-and-off again close friendship for years - he was okay most of the time but a bit too fond of the green cigarettes and play games (like a flute but I knew he was doing it and wouldn't play)

One evening - after a quarrel - I had enough - it was rough but it was over for me - for him it was harder and he wanted me back. He stalked me for a while - I was told - but never spoke to me after I told him it was finished - I still see him now and again but we never speak -

Yes - I have the freedom without him and live my own life without his stuff which was a relief - but at first - tough. He was essentially a good man but an old bachelor and I loved him - it was good when it was good and good when it was over but hard to make the break.

Dec

@Owlunar Dec says '- it was good when it was good and good when it was over but hard to make the break.' well said 🙂

Yes - that's true @Bunniekins

Breaking up is hard - like having a tooth out - better out than in

Thanks

Dec

Hey @BryanaCamp,

Hindsight teaches us a lot! I find the subject of our childhoods and how they affect us as adults very interesting especially in the context of relationships.

My Mum and Dad broke up when I was a newborn. When I would go and stay with Dad and my Step Mum though, I witnessed their toxic and abusive relationship. I don't remember any feelings I had when I'd see these things, but I can only put that down to the fact that I had never witnessed it before so maybe I was just learning that it was usual behaviour.

My Step Mum made a comment recently after I confided in her about issues in my own relationship. She said that because I grew up witnessing what my Dad would do to her, I myself and even she, (perhaps subconciously) considers it to be normal and will tollerate it. Even though we know in our heads that we don't deserve it and that it isn't a good picture of a relationship!

I have endured a lot of the same stuff as what I grew up around so maybe she is right.

And well I am in the same boat as you when you say "fool me once shame on you, fool me twice.. no thirty times..shame on me". You are not alone there! 🙂 xo

Hey @Owlunar,

I admire your ability to say that enough is enough. Sometimes I wonder when that moment will come to me... as in when will my mind overrule my heart and just draw the line and make me walk away instead of sticking around and wondering whether I should stay or go or what would happen if I did either....

The moment did come to me in my last relationship. I was engaged to a guy who was quiet a bit older - I met him when I was 16. I look back and feel like I was almost brainwashed and moulded in to what he wanted me to be. I was so very naive. I had so much evidence, heresay and gut feelings during that time but I still held on and gave him the benefit of the doubt and listened to his poor excuses.

I just walked out the door one night. I was very depressed and at the stage of suicidal thoughts when I just got in my car and drove away without any specific reason as to why I was leaving. I just did.

Its sickening to remember how much I thought he respected me and cherished me, which he actually did to my face! Only to finally be given proof of the numerous affairs he had with numerous women - some of which were friends. The feeling of betrayal and dissappointment in myself for not listening to my gut will always remain!