Checking In

@Appleblossom

Of course we need to tweat things for us but the concept can work for us. Its gives me awareness. I have always had great insight.

anxiety can be an important message about your environment that might need to be processed as you go along ... rather than see it all as a disorder ..

I think its important that maybe I change how I see anxiety and disorders. Because I do look at the environment. Our environment is so important in terms of how we feel about ourselves. But even our environment is not the best- we can still feel good about ourselves right? I do understand that our environment may make us stress and anxious and that is what is need to be aware of.

I'm starting to question relationships in my life atm. especially after having major surgery. I think I have people that I need to distance myself from. I wish it was different though, I just don't know how to go about it. I often put people, and other peoples feelings/needs before mine. I know from time to time that is okay but not at the cost of myself. I think I am paying too higer price if that was to occur. I am trying to think of an example- I have a friend that constantly puts other people down and talks about people. Its not something I do and I don't like people who gossip. I know people do it but I don't- some of what she says is quite hurtful. For example- explaining to me about a friends sibling that had WLS and how they went out and had steak, salad and chips- during the pre op stage. And saying that this person should not have WLS and now they're eating unhealthy and the surgery has not worked. She does say more but I struggle to remember.

I think its really judgemental, this lady as a food addiction and she needs help and it makes me sad to see someone like this. Dealing with people like this person I find really hard. There is more to the story than this but I feel quite a bit of pressure from her. I have decided I want to out grow these type of people and just move on. I hope her circumstances change but I don't want part of it. I feel somewhat bad, and that is where I get stuck.

Its great you are gaining clarity

I dont like people gossiping either. @oceangirl

So I dont encourage it, just murmur, raise my eyebrows, change subject, talk about "I statements", trying to get better at socialising. Some people talk about "the goss" and are not malicious .... more just into icebreaking ... its complicated. I try not to be abrupt and can only take on a bit.

It makes total sense to reflect on the people you want in your life.

I am learning from a book called "The Awakened Introvert". It talks about deciding who is discretionary and who is not ... the levels of extending oneself ...eg work colleagues, family ... etc

Its been helpful, as it mentions some introverts try and be extrovert ,,, which I think is what I did, even here on the forum, but I am not a natural extrovert. I no longer feel I have to be my son's best male buddy ... lol ... I am going back to just being me and introverted, but gently social...with ample solitude ,,, it feels better than always pushing myself. Finding those balances...

Lovely to talk Bella

Hi @oceangirl, we hope you are enjoying the pampering that you get when you are having your hair done. That is a really good motto, being kind to yourself when you identify areas of skill that you can improve and put in place ways to gain those skills. A trip to the states sounds good, have you been before?

@oceangirl Hello and all passing. I think it is great that you are strong and willed to move forward. I am sure you will go a long way. For me, it is now about accepting my true situation. There was a time when I tried and did everything possible in my power to change my situation.But then didn’t relief my anxiety. Funny now I find relief having accepted my situation with elderly mother, not many friends or community.

Dont know if that helps, but just my personal experience. Take care.

@Appleblossom

I just got home from hairdresser and I just had a bite to eat, I was so hungry.

My friend just makes me feel really uneasy. I have know her for a while now but also don't know her either, if that makes sense. I have not seen her in person for about 7 years, so I don't see her body language. I try to keep my distance and just be polite(over the phone). She keeps asking me to visit and I just tell her soon.

I never thought about talking about others as breaking the ice, I think that would have a opposite affect. I just shut down, My way of thinking is if she talks about them like that, she probably talks to others about me too. At the end of the day I have basically had enough and its time for me to move on. I am too nice of a person to be treated in this way.

Thanks for the reference to the book @Appleblossom I might have a read. I think I am between the two(Introvert and Extrovert). Most people think I am introverted, well thats kinda what I think. I have been know to be the life of the party. I am quiet and reserved but I do have a presence and calming affect on others. I can understand why it feels to always push yourself, I can relate to that.. I think that is what others had been doing to me, not me necessary doing this. It takes it out of you. Perhaps acceptance I think that is the key.

Hi @Ali11

Its good to hear from you. Feeling good after my hairdressing appointment. I think a lot of my problem is that I lack confidence and that I have friends that are not good for me. I am now joing groups and meeting other people. I feel bad because I am very kind and caring but no longer going to tolerate people not appreciating or simply putting me down. I love my parents dearly and I want to help them as much as I can.

I have been to the states before and I had a great time. I always come back really happy..

I have the same kind of anxiety @oceangirl. It’s one of my goals for this year. For me it’s a self fulfilling prophecy. I fear doing something wrong or making a mistake so much that then emotion mind kicks in and I can’t think clearly and I make the mistake I was petrified of making. I only just raised that this week with my psych.

I hope you get to visit your Aunty. It has been lovely to have you back on the forum with your positivity, it’s something I admire about you 💜😘.

Hi @Meowmy Thank you for your kind words. I still feel bad though because I have always put others first, but I am wanting to change that. My priority lays with the people who support me. I know many people put on a nice front but I can see through it. I can read people really well but I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt when noone ever does that for me or gives me a go.

I realy can relate to you and how much you have tried to change your circumstances- May I ask- if you could what would that be? You're still young and you could change your life- its never too late. You sound like a very kind and caring person, and I wish I knew you. I really do hope your circumstances changes and that you're happy..

oh @Teej That means so much coming from you. I know we are very similar (anxiety and other ways too). That is actually what I intend to talk to my psych about because I think that is the underlying problem- and lack of confidence. I just got a book mastery under pressure- I think I will start to read that tomorrow. The lady that writes the book she is working with a WLS surgeon Dr Duc Vuong and he is on social media.