Issues/things already worked through

@Owlunar @MDT I started on working on the true colours of my very controlling and unkind mother,although she was kind when I was very sick. That seemed to help, I called and chatted with a few friends I have not caught up for a long time. It went well and I felt happy.

Hi @Meowmy

Good work on trying to find the real colours of your controlling mother - that's not easy but it will help you to see her more clearly and find reasons for her behaviour rather than just leave you with excuses

After my mother died I fell into hole - I did see a therapist but I also spoke to some elderly family members and also went to the the Canberra War Memorial to find out what I could about her father whom I had never met - this was very helpful

And yes - I found reasons - the excuses never worked but the reasons did - I forgave her for my own sake - not hers - I didn't want to carry her stuff around with me - who would?

So - with your mother having the early stages of dementia it will be difficult for you to manage the whole situation - as you have written - she gets grumpy - as this progresses she may be more accepting of her condition - maybe forget what is happening which is sad. Maybe she will be less grumpy - people with dementia can be okay - just forgetful

All the best Meowmy - this is a tough road for you - can you look into finding respite for yourself - you will manage better if you have a break from time to time

Dec

@Owlunar thanks for posting.That is very helpful. Although it is uncomfortable but I know that is the reality with my very dysfunctional family. I just can only take it day by day. I probably fall in a hole again due to my mother but I can climb out of it too.

Thanks again.

Well said @Meowmy

Dysfunctional families are a problem - actually it was well into middle years that I realised my family was dysfunctional - but yes - we can and will fall into holes and we can and will crawl out of them

And we become who we are because of our families and in spite of them - I wrote a short novel about the Ugly Duckling's Mother and yes - I grew into a swan regardless of her and maybe an even better one than I would have done without her

Perhaps you are growing into a swan too - well - swans of a feather flock together

Dec

Hello - it's a great day to be a swan

@Owlunar It is so good talking to you. I just finished work and got home. After work, I did some grocery shopping and did not feel compelled to go home as I used to. I don’t have the urge to care for my mother the way I would like to be cared for.

I feel very hurt. But I am ok. Thanks so much for everyone on the forum, that I feel balanced to work through day by day, little by little. @Bunniekins @Faith-and-Hope

I will take a walk on the beach and a coffee after shortly.

Thanks again for everyone care and support. It really make a difference.

@Owlunar I feel less obliged to care for my mother now. After all she said she will leave the house to my brother, so when he returns from interstate, I can may be slowly move out and distance myself.

My brother can look after her as he will inherit the house.

Somehow, I feel some sense of relief and freedom.

I need to do this slowly as I don’t want to go back to hospital. I hope I can get through this. It used to be I will become psychotic again and it starts again.

it is so hard.

So heartwarming to see the support for each other on these threads. Such a wonderful community here. Sending you strength and love @Meowmy, slowly does it, step by step

@Owlunar I didn’t fall in a hole tonight at least.Still sane!

That makes sense @Meowmy - caring for your mother then having her leave the house to your brother is unfair -

Actually regardless of who cares for her and who lives interstate favouring one child in her will is strange - and not at all what I would do - but people do strange things when it comes to wills -

Do they ever

And if you feel a sense of freedom knowing this and distancing yourself means you are doing the right thing for yourself - you don't want to become ill and go to hospital again - you seem to be caring for yourself in a healthy manner and you don't need anything to pull you back down again.

And I am glad you didn't fall into any holes last night - this is good news

I hope today you have the best day possible

Dec

@Owlunar Thanks for care. It is so good. I want to go for a walk but it is raining here. May be in the afternoon. I am just doing bit by bit and hope for the best. So good to have you and the forum.