Rescheduling appointments!

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@Sahara wrote:

Hi @Former-Member,

I think I can understand your frustration. It's anxiety inducing enough to have to travel to see your doctor and then when something like this happens, you might feel very deflated - all that effort in traveling and getting nervous about an appointment, for nothing.

I remember once I turned up to see my psychiatrist and it turned out there was no appointment written down for me. I felt a little bewildered as I thought I had the right time and date and I am usually very organised about these kind of things. I just had to turn around and go all the way home again - about a 30 minute walk for me. (which didn't matter all that much, I guess.)

But sometimes these events trigger our feelings of maybe feeling insignificant or unimportant or in some way inferior? Especially if we are emotional and anxious, too. These feelings are extremely upsetting and I somehow think you have to acknowledge them and not brush them aside.

I know I have experienced this myself - a minor thing happens but I feel kind of victimized - like it is some kind of personal insult. Other people might easily brush off something like this, but because of my emotional state I could end up feeling very low and shaky.

Perhaps your psychiatrist could not cancel her meeting because she had to see her superior at work? Or it may have involved a patient who needed very urgent care? Someone in danger perhaps?

She might not have wanted to 'squeeze you in' because it would mean that you would get a shorter appointment than you deserve? It would have been good if they could have explained it to you, if that was the case. You have been left with some serious doubts.

Like others here are suggesting, it might be a good idea to talk to your doctor about this honestly. When she becomes aware of your feelings, she will think twice about getting her office more organised.

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Thank you for relating to my recent experience with my Dr and having such good insight into how I might feel and respond to this situation. It has bought up some experiences from my past- I would say some good and bad. And you maybe thinking why would that bring up good memories- I am thinking of postive experiences and when other Drs have been accommodating or gone out their way to help you or fit you in. I've had a specialist not gone to conference overseas because I was sick and he didn't want to leave me and stayed here and looked after me in hospital.

You did bring up some great points about why she didn't see me and decided to reschedule my appoitment. I can understand why you would feel like you did and how you would take it personally. I think because I am still quite depressed and anxious it did affect me and made me feel a bit worse then what I was feeling. But when I got home I decided to go to the gym and do a workout. Other times I would have dwelled on this and so that was something postive from this experience.

I think the reasoning is not really any of my businsess and really doesn't need to give me one. But in saying that it would be nice if she explained why like you said. I am quite open and honest and express my feelings well, so I will just tell her I was disappointed and anxious when I dodn't see her last Wednesday and I was looking forward to seeing her.

Hi @Former-Member,

I am so glad you were able to go to the gym and release some stress and not dwell on things too much. That is so good to hear.

That is amazing that you once had a doctor cancel a conference to stay back and look after you in hospital. That is a truly caring and inspiring individual. I don't think I have ever come across this level of dedication in the medical profession before! It's a very, very uplifting story. What an amazing blessing to have had in your life.

I have met some very caring doctors in my life, too. I am thinking of the specialist who is looking after my Dad at the moment. Nothing is too much trouble for her and she always returns calls, fits my Dad into her schedule and takes the time to explain everything to me and my siblings. I think she is wonderful.

With my own care as a psychiatric patient.... I don't really have any complaints. Perhaps I have pretty low expectations of everyone to begin with! That would explain it.

From a very young age I have always felt that I am pretty much 'on my own' and have to take charge of my life and make decisions in my own best interest. I treat doctors and psychiatrists and counsellors as a resource to be used to my advantage, but I do think of them as the "be all and end all" of my recovery. I take from them what I feel I need at the time. But I feel like I am the one who is ultimately in charge of my own treatment.

I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing... this fierce independence that I have. Because I know I can be extremely emotionally vulnerable and yet I have to take charge of everything in spite of my instability. A difficult task!

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@Sahara wrote:

Hi @Former-Member,

I am so glad you were able to go to the gym and release some stress and not dwell on things too much. That is so good to hear.

That is amazing that you once had a doctor cancel a conference to stay back and look after you in hospital. That is a truly caring and inspiring individual. I don't think I have ever come across this level of dedication in the medical profession before! It's a very, very uplifting story. What an amazing blessing to have had in your life.

I have met some very caring doctors in my life, too. I am thinking of the specialist who is looking after my Dad at the moment. Nothing is too much trouble for her and she always returns calls, fits my Dad into her schedule and takes the time to explain everything to me and my siblings. I think she is wonderful.

With my own care as a psychiatric patient.... I don't really have any complaints. Perhaps I have pretty low expectations of everyone to begin with! That would explain it.

From a very young age I have always felt that I am pretty much 'on my own' and have to take charge of my life and make decisions in my own best interest. I treat doctors and psychiatrists and counsellors as a resource to be used to my advantage, but I do think of them as the "be all and end all" of my recovery. I take from them what I feel I need at the time. But I feel like I am the one who is ultimately in charge of my own treatment.

I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing... this fierce independence that I have. Because I know I can be extremely emotionally vulnerable and yet I have to take charge of everything in spite of my instability. A difficult task!

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We had a good relationship and he treated me as a equal. This Dr is the best in his field and but also quite down to earth and very approachable. From having this Dr I have quite high expectations, and with the standard care I expect from other health care providers.

I truly relate to being independant from a young age and making your own decisions, I have done the same myself for as long as I can remember. One of my biggest downfalls is that I am very loyal and stay in relationships that no long serve me well. I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt and try to forgive, and forgot but at the detriment to my wellbeing and overall health.

I think your thinking and approach is good and not to relay on them too much, I think when you become dependnat on them - it can cause problems if the health care provider is not reliable. A good litmus test is that they bring you out of your shell and make you feel good about yourself- I don't see them any different from other relationships. I think we are all in charge of our own recovery but that is diffcult for patients/consumers who are quite unwell because they are more vulnerable and the Drs should act in an ethical manner and do what is in the best interest of the patient.

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@oceangirl73 wrote:

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I truly relate to being independant from a young age and making your own decisions, I have done the same myself for as long as I can remember. One of my biggest downfalls is that I am very loyal and stay in relationships that no long serve me well. I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt and try to forgive and forgot but at the dermit to wellbeing and overall health.

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Hi @Former-Member,

I am like that too! Or at least I used to be, up until a few years ago. I am in the process of getting rid of all the people who have been a hindrance in my recovery from my life. This has been interesting. Most people do not need to be completely cut off- it's more that I have to limit the things I share with them and it some cases limit the amount of time I spend with them.

It can be a bit tricky but it's worth it.

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@Sahara wrote:

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@oceangirl73 wrote:

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I truly relate to being independant from a young age and making your own decisions, I have done the same myself for as long as I can remember. One of my biggest downfalls is that I am very loyal and stay in relationships that no long serve me well. I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt and try to forgive and forgot but at the dermit to wellbeing and overall health.

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Hi @Former-Member,

I am like that too! Or at least I used to be, up until a few years ago. I am in the process of getting rid of all the people who have been a hindrance in my recovery from my life. This has been interesting. Most people do not need to be completely cut off- it's more that I have to limit the things I share with them and it some cases limit the amount of time I spend with them.

It can be a bit tricky but it's worth it.

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I think some people take advantage of my kindness or I am in the presence of people I don't feel comfortable with, also find it diffult to be in relationships with people who need to dominate or control in different ways. I find people like this have to always dominate the conversation or put you down.

I would rather spend time with like minded people and enjoy each others company. I don't think you have to completley cut people out of your life but sometimes this is necassay because the relationhips is not good for you. Since I have become more depressed and had other health issues I am more careful who I am friends with. Its hard to limit time spend with them when the underlying issues is trust, and they have crossed that line, and when you have been childhood friends it makes it hard, because its quite a special relationship. But some people blow things out of proportion and bring drama to your life, I think its hard enough to manage your life without people bringing stress into your life and sometimes its because they are jealous of you for one reason or another. And these frienships are not worth keeping because they don't serve you well and they don't have your best intest at heart. I don't understand why people are like this?

Hi @Former-Member,

I think people bring stress into your life and are jealous of you, because they don't really know any different. Most people are not malicious, it's just that they don't know any other way to behave. A lot of our behaviour is automatic and subconscious... we don't even question it.

If you have friends who are getting by in life - they have some relationships, some employment, somewhere to live- then they probably feel quite Ok about themselves and don't look inwards to examine their own motives. They might exhibit jealously and bring drama to everything they do, but to them this is just 'normal' and they have never thought about it.

There are two examples in my own life right now of people who have no idea that the way they are living does not always serve them well. One is my best friend and one is my sister. I am trying to let go of the need for them to change. It's not my problem- although I might get frustrated and annoyed that they want to go on living subconsciously, it isn't my problem and I can still love them and relate to them on a certain level, anyway.

By the way, they are both extremely materialistic. My friend is judgemental and dismissive of everyone who does not meet her high standards. She can be very condescending and critical. My sister is a workaholic who is totally disconnected from all her emotions and hides from the world.

These relationships effect me and I have been extremely close to both women for a very long time. With my sister, I just wish she would call me occasionally and and want my company. But she doesn't want anyone's company! She is comfortable hiding.

With my friend, I wish she would take a break from being critical of my life. Her little snide comments I could do without! I believe her behaviour stems from jealously, but I'm not sure.

Both these women present as "normal" and are probably admired by a large portion of society. But I believe neither of them are very happy at all! Still, it's not up to me to save them.

I like each of them for their good qualities and have them in my life as it suits me.

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@Sahara wrote:

Hi @Former-Member,

I think people bring stress into your life and are jealous of you, because they don't really know any different. Most people are not malicious, it's just that they don't know any other way to behave. A lot of our behaviour is automatic and subconscious... we don't even question it.

If you have friends who are getting by in life - they have some relationships, some employment, somewhere to live- then they probably feel quite Ok about themselves and don't look inwards to examine their own motives. They might exhibit jealously and bring drama to everything they do, but to them this is just 'normal' and they have never thought about it.

There are two examples in my own life right now of people who have no idea that the way they are living does not always serve them well. One is my best friend and one is my sister. I am trying to let go of the need for them to change. It's not my problem- although I might get frustrated and annoyed that they want to go on living subconsciously, it isn't my problem and I can still love them and relate to them on a certain level, anyway.

By the way, they are both extremely materialistic. My friend is judgemental and dismissive of everyone who does not meet her high standards. She can be very condescending and critical. My sister is a workaholic who is totally disconnected from all her emotions and hides from the world.

These relationships effect me and I have been extremely close to both women for a very long time. With my sister, I just wish she would call me occasionally and and want my company. But she doesn't want anyone's company! She is comfortable hiding.

With my friend, I wish she would take a break from being critical of my life. Her little snide comments I could do without! I believe her behaviour stems from jealously, but I'm not sure.

Both these women present as "normal" and are probably admired by a large portion of society. But I believe neither of them are very happy at all! Still, it's not up to me to save them.

I like each of them for their good qualities and have them in my life as it suits me.

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I think its hard to say if people do this to harm another person- I do know it has quite a negative impact on a relationship. But I do know I have awarness around my behaviour and have quite good insight and I generally follow my intution.

Some people who are like this are quite insecure and have been hurt in the past. And when people are insecre they can hurt other people because of their past pain, and I have awareness around by own hurt and made conscious decision that I wanted to heal from this and contain this in a healthy way.

The dynamics of those two relationship could be difficult for you, and you have do what is best for you. And also can understand how they may impact you and why are affected by them- I'm not good at giving advice on relationships but being open and honest is the key and also sharing your reality with them. You may want to try to understand why they interact like this and what may have happen in their lives for them to behave like this- it may help , I am not sure.

At the moment for me I am focusing on my gym and meeting some new people. I would like to travel at the end of the year.

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@TAWNEY wrote:
Its ironic how MH sufferers are not only expected to remember appointments, be on time, ready to have a rational conversation after the mammoth effort required to get there.... but also come with being stuffed around by a system designed to fill the pockets & peace of mind of the strong. CRAZY WORLD! I have a headache

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I so agree with your summary of the situation- I'm not sure other Drs are that inflexible, I knwo some MH providers that much more accommodating but they are rare. It is a crazy world we live in. Btw thanks for your message.

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@oceangirl73 wrote:

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The dynamics of those two relationship could be difficult for you, and you have do what is best for you. And also can understand how they may impact you and why are affected by them- I'm not good at giving advice on relationships but being open and honest is the key and also sharing your reality with them. You may want to try to understand why they interact like this and what may have happen in their lives for them to behave like this- it may help , I am not sure.

At the moment for me I am focusing on my gym and meeting some new people. I would like to travel at the end of the year.

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Hi @Former-Member,

thanks for writing and sharing your thoughts. You are so right.... I should be open and honest with my sister and my friend and to large extent I am. I also like to avoid conflict if at all possible as my time with each of these women is always limited and I don't want to spoil what time we have.

Also - I think I need to let go of my wish for them to change themselves. If they are satisfied with where they are at in their lives, then that is fine for them. I probably do need to make new friends, but I have struggled to do this over the last 2 years or so.

I am actually going to see my so-called 'best friend' next week and I am feeling a bit anxious about it - mainly becuase my husband and I have just bought a new house. I have feeling that my friend will be jealous because my new house is bigger than her house!! I know this is crazy, but that is what she is like.

Then she will try and hide her jealousy by making little sacastic comments which she dresses up as good-natured 'teasing'. But I just feel uncomfortable when she does this and I never know what to say. It's so weird. I think I am just very, very sensitive to criticism.