hi @Doglover if it was my psychiatrist he would listen to me. He's a very good & warm listener and also very clever & knowledgeable about medical matters and side effects of psychiatric medications.
However, he did not just land in my lap.
It took about 10 years of unsuccessful treatment from therapists and psychologists before one suggested that I may benefit from seeing a psychiatrist. My GP then insisted she treat me before she refer to a psychiatrist. So that was another 6 months of agonising, nightmarish psychotics symptoms & rage and anxiety and depression because she prescribed me totally ineffective meds. At the same time she insisted I see a psychologist who told me I was incapable of change/improvement & had a personality equivalent of a pre-verbal child which is one of the nastiest insults I've ever believed. And for those insults I paid her about $200/session, private.
Unfortunately, I went through hell, a lot of money and had to battle very hard to get successful treatment. I only ever did private - more than one therapist fired me and one screamed (yes, screamed) at me that I was never going to get any better. Undergoing treatments was very traumatising & took a long time to recover from. I had to advocate very strongly for myself. My GP told me to accept my nightmarish quality of life & keep my expectations low. It was only when I finally met my psychiatrist that I met someone who had as much ambition as me to obtain quality of life. He saw the best in me and had the skill to prescribe me the right meds to improve my quality of life.
I wish I had an easier tale to tell but you may have to be really assertive, advocate hard for yourself and go thru a lot of trial and error (and professionals) before you find the right person/treatment. I did. More than once, out of desperation, I even drew intricate diagrams, referencing relevant psychological theory, to illustrate my tormented mind to professionals because I felt no-one was listening to me and no-one believed me.The $200/session psych liked them a lot & asked if she could make copies to show her peers. I said no (how dare she?).
Also, I have done every self-help, free $ method on earth to try to relieve my anxiety - breathing methods, meditation, mindfulness, yoga, exercise, diet, massage, journalling, grounding techniques, support groups, volunteering, socialising. Plus, methods I've paid for - acupuncture, Ayurvedic diagnosis & treatment, hot springs. I have used an enormous amount of initiative, effort, time & money to try to relieve my MI symptoms. Some of it was triggery & inflamed my symptoms, especially support groups, meditation & mindfulness. But, maybe some of these methods could help you.
I have never met anyone who has MI symptoms like me (particularly rage), nor reactions to treatments like I do. It has been very lonely & isolating for me within the MI community. But I kept going & kept fighting.
If I can get there & find effective treatment then you can too. I don't know who the right person or method is for you but there is someone & something out there for you, I think you'll just have to fight hard for it. On the plus side for recovery is the fact that you have a long history of life without mental health symptoms so you probably don't have a strong genetic cause for MI. The causes appear to be medical and only appeared in adult life, so the likelihood that you'll return to nromal seems strong (compared to me, I was depressed from age 11 and psychotic symptoms began aged 15 and I have a strong genetic predisposition for MI plus a strong history of childhood trauma).
Have you tried any self-help anxiety relief methods? Have you looked into diet as you seem to be very sensitive to that? Keep researching treatments and professionals that you can pursue if the next pdoc you meet doesn't have the skills you require.
