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Topic Tuesday // Working through feelings of guilt // Tues 23 Apr, 7pm AEDT

Unknown userMember29 Mar 2019, 1:42 pm AEDT

Topic Tuesday // Working through feelings of guilt // Tues 23 Apr, 7pm AEDT

Feeling angry about the injustice of your loved one’s illness, frustrated at the lack of sleep, the accountability of another person's welfare. Perhaps even anger directed at your loved one for becoming unwell in the first place, these are not uncommon feelings when we are managing the ups and downs of life as a carer. In fact they are more common than we realise It's time to reinvent the way we view ourselves as carer's, to discuss the manifestation of carer's guilt in a safe and gentle space.

Join us here on Tuesday April 23rd as our Community Manager @Former-Member facilitate's a discussion around working through guilt as a carer.

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72 replies

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In response to: Topic Tuesday // Working through feelings of guilt // Tues 23 Apr, 7pm AEDT

AllanahCasual Contributor23 Apr 2019, 7:25 pm AEST

Re: Topic Tuesday // Working through feelings of guilt // Tues 23 Apr, 7pm AEDT

Wanting to be more involved in the care of your loved one but time and money limiting how much you can help.

Also wanting the best outcomes for them

In response to: Topic Tuesday // Working through feelings of guilt // Tues 23 Apr, 7pm AEDT

Unknown userMember23 Apr 2019, 7:25 pm AEST

Re: Topic Tuesday // Working through feelings of guilt // Tues 23 Apr, 7pm AEDT

@Shaz51 Thanks heaps for sharing. Totally, work makes sense a driver of guilt, that's one I didn't consider. And interesting mention of family saying certain things, incrediby frustrating as when we're overloaded with carer duties.. it's less judgement and more support that we require, I am sorry to hear this. Do you have a way to disengage when dealing with the families comments on top of carer duties?

In response to: Topic Tuesday // Working through feelings of guilt // Tues 23 Apr, 7pm AEDT

au_gustCasual Contributor23 Apr 2019, 7:29 pm AEST

Re: Topic Tuesday // Working through feelings of guilt // Tues 23 Apr, 7pm AEDT

Especially when we can't meet these expectations for whatever reason.

In response to: Re: Topic Tuesday // Working through feelings of guilt // Tues 23 Apr, 7pm AEDT

Unknown userMember23 Apr 2019, 7:31 pm AEST

Re: Topic Tuesday // Working through feelings of guilt // Tues 23 Apr, 7pm AEDT

Hey there @au_gust , welcome and thank you so much for sharing

Having negative feelings toward them, this is a very painful one incredibly afflicting, however is most definitely quite common. Do you get much respite yourself as a mental health carer? Or time to reflect? We're all here with you, please know you're not alone in that emotion. 🙂

@Allanah Welcome, thanks heaps for joining us tonight. You mentioned being more involved, what would more involvement look like for you? Hearing you for sure.

@Carmello Definitely makes sense. I suppose though without that time to engage with yourself, and with your own joy, your running on a half-tank. That time for yourself, that self-care is so imperative for not only your wellbeing but your loved ones I know sometimes it must not feel that way though.

In response to: Re: Topic Tuesday // Working through feelings of guilt // Tues 23 Apr, 7pm AEDT

CarmelloCasual Contributor23 Apr 2019, 7:31 pm AEST

Re: Topic Tuesday // Working through feelings of guilt // Tues 23 Apr, 7pm AEDT

I feel friends and family do not understand the complexities of the person I am caring for and think I am too involved or too supportive . Let them manage themselves approach . Difficult to keep my own comfortable boundaries then.

Hard to know how much to support sometimes .

In response to: Re: Topic Tuesday // Working through feelings of guilt // Tues 23 Apr, 7pm AEDT

Unknown userMember23 Apr 2019, 7:32 pm AEST

Re: Topic Tuesday // Working through feelings of guilt // Tues 23 Apr, 7pm AEDT

I hear you on the complexities, it's probably easy for them to make some basic judgements at a distance without having the insight you do. @Carmello Boundary setting takes time, and it is important that above everything else they work for you. Thanks for posting this, appreciate you sharing your story with us

In response to: Re: Topic Tuesday // Working through feelings of guilt // Tues 23 Apr, 7pm AEDT

Shaz51Senior Contributor23 Apr 2019, 7:35 pm AEST

Re: Topic Tuesday // Working through feelings of guilt // Tues 23 Apr, 7pm AEDT

very true @au_gust , @Allanah

Do you have a way to disengage when dealing with the families comments on top of carer duties? --- I will agree usually and then I will work it out for myself , it is hard at times

but at this time might change in the future is ( that I and my mum have arranged what and how much she needs and wants me to do ) @Former-Member

In response to: Re: Topic Tuesday // Working through feelings of guilt // Tues 23 Apr, 7pm AEDT

Unknown userMember23 Apr 2019, 7:36 pm AEST

Re: Topic Tuesday // Working through feelings of guilt // Tues 23 Apr, 7pm AEDT

Time is flying quickly tonight 😄

On to Question number two crew! @Carmello @au_gust @Allanah @Shaz51 And everyone else joining in..

Now that we have discussed guilt, let's consider the symptoms it creates. I know for me guilt then has a knock on effect of frustration and sometimes anger, which I then have to manage on top of the initial task at hand (usually by a decent session at the gym with the boxing bag !).

Considering this - what emotions do you tend to notice come up for you after the initial guilt?

In response to: Re: Topic Tuesday // Working through feelings of guilt // Tues 23 Apr, 7pm AEDT

Shaz51Senior Contributor23 Apr 2019, 7:37 pm AEST

Re: Topic Tuesday // Working through feelings of guilt // Tues 23 Apr, 7pm AEDT

me too @au_gust

@Former-Member

In response to: Re: Topic Tuesday // Working through feelings of guilt // Tues 23 Apr, 7pm AEDT

au_gustCasual Contributor23 Apr 2019, 7:38 pm AEST

Re: Topic Tuesday // Working through feelings of guilt // Tues 23 Apr, 7pm AEDT

Thanks @Former-Member. I have been getting some time away, but this has been spent doing things to make their life easier. To clarify, "negative thoughts" do not mean of harm towards them; just fleeting thoughts like "why do I have to be the one to deal with this?", "I didn't choose this", etc. These sorts of things might be helped with more time out for me (e.g. exercise, study), but then the guilt comes again!

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