Parents Supporting Unwell Adult Children

Thank you.

I am beyond supporting my son. He is determined to not take meds, has refused to commit to talking therpy, is missing his work, drinking and smoking weed, starving himself and threatening to commit suicide. Each time he threatens this I call the police, they turn up, he goes calm and rational, he sees a person in triage in the mental hospital, they discharge him when he promises to see a doctor and nothing changes.

He hates me for trying to help him, he hates me even more when I set him boundaries about the way he can speak to me but I have to do this. I want him out of my house but his next step will be homelessness.

I am in despair.

Fiona

Soooo hard @FairerDingo. Sounds like he needs to reach rock bottom within himself before he will be able to commit to any sort of recovery.

My hubby doesn’t understand that he is unwell, so it’s the same with him. He is still exercising on a wrecked knee that he is due to have surgery on, and all I can do is sit on my hands and wait for whatever the outcomes are going to be. It’s so sucky !!!!

I can tell you that things don’t remain the same forever. I hope that helps you to grit your teeth and bear up a little longer. My hubby was being really emotionally abusive for a while, but circumstances conspired to change that by degrees ..... so hopefully all the hospital presentations are having an effect on your son, even if you can’t see what that is yet, and it might be just one doctor who says, “hey .... wait a minute .... what’s going on here ? I am going to keep you in overnight and run some tests, and then let’s have a proper talk about what is happening with you .....”

Thank you for those words. I have never seen his rock bottom so low but I can't see how much further down he can go. I hope that he does start to attend the appointments set up for him. Meanwhile...

@TazCat @Libra

Hi @Stefee 👋

Thanks for the book tip - Changing Minds by Mark Cross. Has anyone else read it ?

Welcoming @Tennessee to check in and share with others here. You're not alone

Thank you to all who have been tagged, responded and shared. My son has taken antidepressents for 2 days now, having refused to take them at all. He is also fighting hard to save his job so that he can move into his own place instead of being with me and his stepfather who symbolises so much that he hates. That is the good bit. I am sure he could not sleep last night which makes today uncertain.

The hard bit is that my husband just left the house without warning for the weekend so that he could have a break. I hope he gets his strength back.

And back to work tomorrow where I have been looking through some personal development stuff about "being your best self". A few months ago, I sat through a 90 minutes session where one presenter tried to teach 250 of us about this, using language most of us did not understand and rushing through a huge amount of paperwork. Now we have another session. I have no idea what to expect and can't help thinking that some of it will feel quite trivial compared with what I am trying to keep togther right now. I am trying not to panic.

I would love him to accept some sort of treatment program. That is what I am working on at the moment and annoying the hell out of him by repeating this message. It is part of the boundary setting that I have put in place and not trying to solve a problem that I am not qualified to sort. It has been liberating and frightening all at the same time.