Parents Supporting Unwell Adult Children

@Tufftimes @these experiences teach us a lot .... more than we realise in the moment. If we can help others move forward, it brings some purpose to the pain and suffering we have experienced on the road.

For lots of reasons I was never good at boundaries.

Setting one simple one and learning to stick to it for the last 3 years has helped us a lot. That I had rights to my sitting room and piano. He had 2 others he could use at any time of day or night which he did. I was a real jittery mess at the time. I had inadvertently let him rule the roost. That it was only one boundary, but an important one, helped me gain clarity and some sense of entitlement in my own home. It was easier for my son with all his jumbling intensity to eventually stably stick with it, even though he tested an awful lot. Now he knows he has to book in to have the grand piano room, if it did not suit me, I could say "no". Before it was all adhoc and I became a total mess and retreated to my bedroom. It took a year on the forum, grappling and researching widely online to find an approach.

Hearing you @Tufftimes re managing 2 adult males with Aspie and schizoaffective disorder. That is HUGE. You have got your hands full. I also find the zoo helpful, setting boundaries or making observations about animals ... not in a mean way, but in an essential, this is what makes us tick ... or not tick ... way.

Take Care

Apple

Hello @Tufftimes , @Faith-and-Hope , @Appleblossom , @Bunniekins , @Smc

My step son 2 has ADHD as well as inherited depression from his dad, he and his partner ( who is not with him now ) had lost Triplets , which is sooo sad xxx

Yes @Tufftimes, that is huge ..... and you are surviving it .... which is no small thing.

And it’s no small thing to set and maintain even a single boundary when you are up against intense opposition to boundaries @Appleblossom ...... well done you ❣️

And @Shaz51, that was very sad.

Yes @Faith-and-Hope , I feel soo much for SS2 and his ex partner who still calls me mum xx

Hi all

I have just registered my membership after being at my wits end. My 31 year old transgender female with bipolar, borderline personality disorder, ADHD, Tourettes ++++ has just come home after trying to commit suicide three times 2 weeks ago. He/She is also suffering PTSD from being assaulted at work 2.5 years ago and his/her son was stil born 2 years ago this week. His wife left him last August after he declared 12 months ago that he had been born with the wrong body.

I don't know how to help him/her. It is as if my husband and I are walking on egg shells and he/she has taken over and totally disrupted our harmony. Everything I suggest is treaed negatively with high levels of aggression. We live in the country and there are no LGBTI support groups for over 35 year olds. Any suggestions welcome!!!!

Hi @spr14 and welcome to the forums. I really feel for you and what you are all going through. Some people react with aggression to feeling out of control and fearful about their life circumstances .... it’s so not good, for anyone involved .... but thankfully there are support services online and chat (phone services) such as are here at Sane.

I arrived here three years ago this month with my family in semi-crisis ..... and while all the problems have not been resolved, boundaries were gently but firmly placed and upheld (at times by professionals) and things have slowly stabilised enough for the well and recovering ones to get on with their life around the unwell-and-unaware-that-he-is one.

So glad you found us. We will walk along with you while you work out how to move forward and access supports.

💐

Thank you so much for your response, it gives us hope.

Others have been walking along with me here across that time @spr14, and it’s often still not easy, but it’s doable, and it’s more doable with company and support. It does bring hope, joining in with a community who hear you and understand something of what you are going through. Everybody’s situation is different, but there is some sameness across it all.

Cyber hugs incoming .....

hello @spr14 and welcome to the forum

we are here for you , remember you are not alone my friend