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Exo's Exposé

Exo's Exposé

Looking for somewhere to hide in the Forum, no offense to anyone, I'm just kinda used to my own space - it feels safer to me. I often feel like I'm 'butting in' on other threads, I want to say something but it isn't 'in-line' with the current flow of conversation.

It rained here yesterday, dogs & cats weren't falling from the sky, but the grounds wet, there's puddles in my driveway & it's soooooooo sooooooo much cooler 😄 Guru Google even promises more!! After this weird wet stuff stopped dropping from above, I took the dogs for their walk, I do this almost every afternoon, but after a storm with close lightning strikes, my main purpose is to check the fence is still upright everywhere. I'm happy to announce it was all in tip-top shape 🙂 I noticed new puddle spots all the way around, I was sad that some trees had to be pushed over for the fence line, but the dip of their absence looks quite beautiful with a drop of moisture shimmering within. When I had completed the usual circuit I by-passed returning into the house-yard & wandered through to the dam. I think I may have been a little rain-drunk, I was hoping to see water in it, there wasn't any. I even went & stood in the very center of it's base, I think I was expecting to sink in mud - I didn't; but the cracks are gone . . . & they were huge. So if the Guru comes through with it's promise, there may yet be a puddle for my Staffy to play in 😉

I've decided to leave my camping trip to the beach for another week, rain wouldn't stop me - it rarely rains 24 hrs a day, but storms have - they often have devastingly strong winds that can break off & pick up reasonably heavy objects, that become dangerous ammunition. I've been emailing with the owners of this place, I'll still be in the off-peak season if I leave it another week - though I worry being so close to the Easter holiday, there's a more likely chance of more people. I keep telling myself I've just got to 'get over' that, that that would be all part of the experience - but I know I'm lying to myself. I picked this spot mainly because of the dog-friendly off-lead beach, but also because on the satelite view of Google maps I could see that there's no towns around it. It's one of the most isolated camping parks I've seen {that's within 5 hours of home, well - maybe just a little more}. It also admits it has old amenities, I saw negitive feedback about the place for those reasons - I think if you want to go to a resort . . . that's where you go - not to a place that describes itself as a rustic, old fashioned bush camping park 😉

Missing you Mazy Loads of love & support @Mazarita

1141 replies

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In response to: Exo's Exposé

Re: Exo's Exposé

Love and support @Exoplanet

In response to: Re: Exo's Exposé

Re: Exo's Exposé

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SOPHIA1

@Sophia1 It really is a little community this forum & I read on Saturday Sorree that you've had your birthday . . . Woo Hoo! Congratulations, I really hope you had a fabulous day, & even though dinner was in a noisy, busy spot, I hope you really enjoyed the company & the experience in a positive way

In response to: Re: Exo's Exposé

Re: Exo's Exposé

I took the puppies for a walk in the forest the other day & they came for a drive into my little town & back yesterday. I do want to go on another trip, I think the Staffie is getting a little bored. My next trip is going to be a flash expensive one 😉 I want to rent a holiday house, where my puppies & I can look out over water from the front porch! Seems as soon as you add puppies the price rises quite a bit, particularly at the coast near where my Daughter lives. I've found a better priced place, but it's nowhere near her, so I'm still thinking about that.

I have an appointment with a breast surgen on Wednesday, I was quite surprised, the lady rang me yesterday, on a Sunday! {well she rang my Daughter first, seems she'd been trying to ring me all week, but one of the numbers in my phone number were wrong}. It's not the scan, so I told my Daughter she needn't make the trip; I happen to have arranged to meet my Sisters for coffee in the city that morning - weird coincidence, so I will have one of my Sisters for support, though I've decided to go into the appointment alone. I'm assuming the scan is a part of the surgens process & I will be given a referral for it, it doesn't make sense to discuss surgery before as much information about the cancer that can be gathered, has been. I have been honest with my Daughter & told her if it has spread to an area in my body where it's process will be much faster, I don't see the sense in surgery. The fact that the lady that rang me pointed out that if left the cancer can break through the skin & be very unpleasant {which I was aware of}, & that removing it can make the ending process less uncomfortable, does make me wonder how much information is already known & whether I've been fully informed. I'm not enjoying this ride, the further along I get the angrier I get about a particular process that is illegal. If an animal is suffering we consider it humane to end that suffering quickly, painlessly & peacefully, we have the medical knowledge to do that. But if a person is suffering, we are not humane to them, even though we have the knowledge to be so. In other places in the world if a person commits a certain crime, their life is ended in a quick, painless & peaceful way. All I have to look forward to is pain relief, to the point that the methods of that relief will render me unconcious, then as I have directed in my health plan, that no ventilation, fluids, nutrition, anti-biotics, etc be administered, I will end within a few days - everyone knows a person can only survive so long without air & water. I think Human Beings are intelligent, but I think they have huge problems in using that intelligence.

Sorry about the deep & meaningfuls, thank you for understanding.

Love to all that need or want it

In response to: Re: Exo's Exposé

Re: Exo's Exposé

Thank you for the birthday wishes @Exoplanet

The place was extremely noisy to the extent that it was overwhelming for me.

None of us could hear each other speak.

It was apparently happy hour when we arrived.

The couple we invited to come with us, the wife has alzheimers and she too struggled.

So it was a great relief when the louder people left.

Alcohol seems to do that to some people ...raise their voices..

The meals were very enjoyable. We shared some laughter. Friend with alzheimers is extremely honest and not short in forthcoming in the least. She loved the evening which was great to be a part of.

I will respond to your other post separately 🧡

In response to: Re: Exo's Exposé

Re: Exo's Exposé

I have been hoping to read that you are planning another trip @Exoplanet .

A brilliant idea to rent a place with a porch. Very relaxing at any time of the day. Your puppies will love the new sights and smells.

I am quite sure wherever you decide to stay you will feel some of the tension dissipate.

Having one of your sisters support on the day of your upcoming appointment will mean so much to both of you.

I do understand your thinking around how we leave this world.

All of us having our own ideas, beliefs, fears.

Different ceremonies, formalities, in the many different cultures in this world.

If you have a sense of not feeling fully informed; you have every right to ask more and more questions. There are many areas where you can be referred to for further information and support also; some that have medically trained or life experience people available for you to speak to.

The need to question further is a human response to understand what is happening to us.

Asking for help is showing great strength and courage.

Expressing how you feel so openly on your journal here is also one way of supporting yourself.

I look forward to hearing about where you choose to stay if you would like to share your next adventure with us.

love Sophia xx 💜

In response to: Re: Exo's Exposé

Re: Exo's Exposé

Sending warmest wishes @Exoplanet Hope your appointment goes ok tomorrow, that you've found a good Dr that understands your wishes and gives you really thorough explanations and answers all your questions.

From my own experience I want to say that taking someone in with you can help you remember afterwards everything that was said, especially when some of it might be shocking to hear.

will be thinking of you tomorrow and sending clarity and understanding your way.

Take care xx

In response to: Re: Exo's Exposé

Re: Exo's Exposé

thinking of you @Exoplanet

In response to: Re: Exo's Exposé

Re: Exo's Exposé

@Exoplanet Hey Exoplanet just the pea checking up on you. Making sure you are ok. I didn't realize you recently had a birthday. Happy belated birthday sweetheart :). Hoping everything is going alright.... am here if you want to talk with someone who will just listen. Love you. peaxxxx

In response to: Re: Exo's Exposé

Re: Exo's Exposé

Hello Everyone

Love to you @Bunniekins , it was Sopia1's birthday recently . . . I'm a Sagittarius 😉 Thank you for being here to listen

I have a bone scan next Thursday, I have a few others to have as well, but I don't have the appointments yet. {head, chest, abdomen} The surgeon wanted to 'book me in' but I chose not to, I want to see what information I get from the scans first. I don't want surgery if I don't have to. The thought of recovering from surgery, & I keep thinking 'as a smoker with cancer' is extremely off-putting, particularly when I believe cancer will still continue. The thought that a bad smell is what's making me consider it, is just odd? I don't know how doctors would alleviate smell, it would not be the type of wound that could be packed with wadding. I have been told that if the cancer gets through the skin it can cause, I think they call it malodor - I've experienced it before with people I've cared for that had advanced pressure area wounds - I don't want that if I can avoid it.

I'm worried about my Daughter. A few nights ago she split-up with her partner of over 10 years. I worry that my telling her about my diagnosis was just too much stress, though that's not why the split occurred. Her eldest Daughter had come home to visit, I don't think the partners parents knew that she had said she wanted to move back home, they refused to 'set foot in the door' simply because she was there. I found out that the reason the eldest left previously, was because she said my Daughters partner had hit her. The partner denied it & his parents, understandingly, support him. I don't know if it happened or not, in my opinion it is possible - one because any human being is capable, two because I have seen the partners anger before & have always worried for my Daughter & the children. But I don't know what his parents were expecting . . . that my Daughter ordered her eldest to leave the house so that the partners parents would come in? Would they have done so concerning thier own sons? The next evening the partner arrived, he was very sad at first, but I think as he realized my Daughter really meant that she'd had enough & wanted to end the relationship, that saddness quickly turned to anger. He tried to take the youngest boy, it was physical, the police were involved. I want to go & visit, but I have too many appointments coming up & I have to face the fact of probable surgery - it may be some time before I can.

My head feels like a physical pressure is pushing against my skull, my joints & muscles are aching; I worry that it's cancer, but I know it may be a physical reaction to my thought & emotional processes. I'm starting to feel like I can't do this.

In response to: Re: Exo's Exposé

Re: Exo's Exposé

@Exoplanet Am sitting with you. You are not alone Exoplanet. When you go in for the test next Thursday imagine the pea sitting next to you. A big, round, middle aged balding lady with soft brown eyes holding your hand :). I am with you every step of the way. From one saggie to another saggie xxx

ps: Try not to worry about your daughter. She is strong. I can tell from what you have written. Just concentrate on your own health. xxx

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