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Exo's Exposé

Exo's Exposé

Looking for somewhere to hide in the Forum, no offense to anyone, I'm just kinda used to my own space - it feels safer to me. I often feel like I'm 'butting in' on other threads, I want to say something but it isn't 'in-line' with the current flow of conversation.

It rained here yesterday, dogs & cats weren't falling from the sky, but the grounds wet, there's puddles in my driveway & it's soooooooo sooooooo much cooler 😄 Guru Google even promises more!! After this weird wet stuff stopped dropping from above, I took the dogs for their walk, I do this almost every afternoon, but after a storm with close lightning strikes, my main purpose is to check the fence is still upright everywhere. I'm happy to announce it was all in tip-top shape 🙂 I noticed new puddle spots all the way around, I was sad that some trees had to be pushed over for the fence line, but the dip of their absence looks quite beautiful with a drop of moisture shimmering within. When I had completed the usual circuit I by-passed returning into the house-yard & wandered through to the dam. I think I may have been a little rain-drunk, I was hoping to see water in it, there wasn't any. I even went & stood in the very center of it's base, I think I was expecting to sink in mud - I didn't; but the cracks are gone . . . & they were huge. So if the Guru comes through with it's promise, there may yet be a puddle for my Staffy to play in 😉

I've decided to leave my camping trip to the beach for another week, rain wouldn't stop me - it rarely rains 24 hrs a day, but storms have - they often have devastingly strong winds that can break off & pick up reasonably heavy objects, that become dangerous ammunition. I've been emailing with the owners of this place, I'll still be in the off-peak season if I leave it another week - though I worry being so close to the Easter holiday, there's a more likely chance of more people. I keep telling myself I've just got to 'get over' that, that that would be all part of the experience - but I know I'm lying to myself. I picked this spot mainly because of the dog-friendly off-lead beach, but also because on the satelite view of Google maps I could see that there's no towns around it. It's one of the most isolated camping parks I've seen {that's within 5 hours of home, well - maybe just a little more}. It also admits it has old amenities, I saw negitive feedback about the place for those reasons - I think if you want to go to a resort . . . that's where you go - not to a place that describes itself as a rustic, old fashioned bush camping park 😉

Missing you Mazy Loads of love & support @Mazarita

1141 replies

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In response to: Exo's Exposé

Re: Exo's Exposé

Dear Special @Exoplanet words are just inadequate. Sending much love and many hugs xx

In response to: Re: Exo's Exposé

Re: Exo's Exposé

@Exoplanet Hey Exoplanet I am so so sorry to hear your news. As @eth so rightly said words are inadequate. I am here whenever you want to talk or just need somone to listen. Love greenpeaxxx

In response to: Re: Exo's Exposé

Re: Exo's Exposé

Not many words from me either but oodles and oodles of love to you @Exoplanet ❤❤❤

In response to: Re: Exo's Exposé

Re: Exo's Exposé

I was very sad to read your post, but feel you have the right to draw your own lines in the sand. I always have loved your uniqueness and style. Your connection the land and practical nature. I will remember you @Exoplanet

In response to: Re: Exo's Exposé

Re: Exo's Exposé

@Exoplanet sending you lots of love and hugs my awesome friend , walking with you xoxo

In response to: Exo's Exposé

Re: Exo's Exposé

Dear @Exoplanet

You have so much to contend with.

Your family medical history would be frightening you even more.

Your doctor sounds as though she is listening to you and hearing how you are feeling. This is so important for you.

It is vital that you have someone there for you during this time.

Accepting death is a part of life as you have stated. There is nothing wrong in your thinking in this way.

This does not mean that you will want this as the process evolves. You might or you might not.

This is how you are feeling now. Your thought process is taking you through natural responses.

I believe that you are honestly approaching and opening up about what would have been a tremendous shock.

Your thoughts today do not have to be your thoughts tomorrow.

You also do not have to justify your feelings.They belong to you.

There are so many confusing emotions that present themselves.

Having trust in your doctor will help you.

There are new treatments being discovered so often especially in Australia.

You will know when it is the right time to tell your daughter and sisters as you mentioned.

I am so sorry that you did not get to talk to your brother ...losing a family member in this way would be devastating on top of the loss of your other family members.

Sometimes situations like this bring family members together...leaving behind any past difficulties.

I do care about you Exo. I want you to know that you are one person whom I think about at times when I am absent from the forums.

Imagining that I am hugging you tightly as I write this.

💜

One day at a time Exo...

In response to: Re: Exo's Exposé

Re: Exo's Exposé

Biopsy today. My Daughter rang again last night, it was a lovely surprise, though it ended in my feeling quite angry - & my greatest fear of loosing my will to choose soaring. I also told a Sister, that Sister had rung my Daughter & between them they've decided I have stage 3 . . . I haven't even had the biopsy yet, from what I've looked up they need to remove nodes {which happens during surgery} to see if they're affected, before they can tell what stage. I think some of my anger is actually guilt, my Daughter told me she thought I've known about this for months & deliberately left it, she called it suicide, which is somewhat true, though I can't remember how long ago I noticed it & it's NOT suicide, it was my decision when to go to the Doctor, that may be the only decision of my choice that I get. I'm begining to regret both going to the Doctor & telling my Daughter & Sister. I have this great feeling of 'how dare they', they have had little to do with me, if I don't go to them I don't see them; I know that because I stopped going to see them a couple of years ago & I haven't seen them, I haven't even heard from them much. I don't think it's very considerate of me to be putting these things on me right now, though I realize everybody reacts to a shock differently. I need to try & stay as positive as I can & they're making it very hard already!

In response to: Re: Exo's Exposé

Re: Exo's Exposé

thinking of you lots @Exoplanet
i know its pretty tough for you right now and im not that sure what to say that might be helpful but im here for you 💚💛

In response to: Re: Exo's Exposé

Re: Exo's Exposé

Hi @Exoplanet

So sorry to hear the difficulties in this. It must be so hard to want to maintain your own choices and have that not understood. It might just take some time for your family as they may be reacting out of love, which can seem confusing I am sure.

I just wanted to share a really useful helpline that you might like to reach out to chat more one on one around your feelings on this and your diagnosis. You can also give this helpline to your daughter and sister if you think it might help them to redirect some of their fears or feelings towards this support to work through it.

Breat Cancer Network Australia

Anyone who has been affected by breast cancer can call BCNA's Helpline on 1800 500 258 between 9.00 am and 6.00 pm (AEST) Monday to Thursday and 9.00 am to 5.00 pm on a Friday.

In response to: Re: Exo's Exposé

Re: Exo's Exposé

Well the biopsy had some shocks, I don't mean the results, they won't be ready for a few days. I found out why they called my Daughter, it was to do with telling me about the price. I hadn't even thought of money, the mammogram & scan hadn't cost anything & noone mention fees when they booked me for the biopsy. Obviously that was a over-sight & reception had been told to ring me & let me know how much. My phone number was changed when I got a better internet deal & I hadn't thought of updating that detail with my Doctor. So first shock was nearly $300, I decided to go ahead, you don't get much time to think, but I decided I was there & I just wanted it over & done with. Next was the consent form, which I was told to read through but not sign so I read it. I know they have to cover the worst case scenarios, but it was enough to scare me; as if lining up for biopsy, forget the cancer, just the procedure, isn't scary enough. I actually said something, I said 'perhaps I should wait until I have someone with me', the receptionist asked what I meant? I think what I said was pretty self-explanitory! But I tried to explain a little further that it might be better to have someone to help me get home & that I'd been told I'd be able to drive myself. I'd have to say her tone was cranky & her response was sharp & short - 'you will be' & she handed me forms & told me to sit down. If I wasn't me & when facing another human being my brain won't function properly, I would have been extremely angry with that young lady - where was the gentle understanding needed from a staff member of radiology! That right there will influence my decisions in the future, the cost & the way she treated me. So I go in & the next surprise presents itself. A lovely young lady is preparing me for the procedure, she tells me the details of what happens & that the Doctor will be taking 3 samples . . . I wasn't aware of that & instantly imagined 3 punctures; again I dared to speak & asked if that was the case, she gently reasured me there would be only 1 puncture & the angle would be changed for the samples {I think they only took 2}. Then the Doctor arrives & the next unexpected surprise, even for the lovely assistant, I was getting 2 different biopsys. I don't know the correct medical terms, basically one type for the breast & another type for the node near it. The one for the node, though a much smaller needle, was more unpleasant - but none of it was too bad. Then for the last surprise, this poor lovely assistant had to explain that the price had changed. It seemed noone knew about the node biopsy, it ended up costing nearly $600 - luckily it was pension day, that was over half my fortnightly income. I'd clung to the icepack after the procedure, even though it didn't hurt . . . it was just in case. I had been told there would be a room I could rest in, the reality was being offered a dressing cubicle or the same seats that I had waited on for my scan. I quickly changed my mind, asked if it was ok for me to go, figuring I might as well get as far towards home as I could before the numbness wore off. I'm happy to say there were no after effects, I even pulled in & made an appointment with my Doctor for Saturday {didn't even know she worked on Saturdays, but it was the first appointment available after the results would be ready}. I'm glad that's all over, I think the battle for my right to decide, which has basically already begun with my Daughter & Sister, can now really begin - I don't think I should have to battle, I don't think it's respectful for my circumstances. Nobody else lives my life, I just have to keep in mind I don't live anybody else's life, stand my ground, be as gentle as I can in the hope that that will be what is returned to me.

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