The Fear of Dying Alone

Hi @Former-Member

The forum has been quiet this morning so far, it can be that way during public holidays. please persist in posting your thoughts.

If you are struggling, please contact the helplines:

Lifeline: 13 11 14 or Crisis Chat

Suicide call back service: 1300 659 467 or online counselling

Samaritans: 135 247

If in immediate danger: 000

Take care

SleepyPanda

Hi @Former-Member.

I just logged in to say that I hear you on how isolating it is to post and hear nothing back. It's really tough and I'm sorry that you're experiencing this at the moment.

I hope you find the sense of connection that you need.

@TheVorticon @SleepyPanda

Thanks for replying,

I did go and see friends today so I am trying to remain connected.

The problem is that a topic of conversation came up which was about one of my friends going to a club last night full of sexually liberated and positive people. I think it has become abundantly clear that I am NOT any of those things. I am really sexually frustrated right now, as I have been for years, and it hurts to know people going out there every night and having these experiences and I couldn’t have one to save my life.

Ive lived an aromantic life, not by choice, which makes me so freaking angry.

See? It's freaking happening again! I am talking to myself on an internet forum which is supposed to HELP people find some connection. Give me a break there are so many liars on this planet that it makes it hard to know who cares and who doesn't (hint: not many people are in the former).

I have been seriously considering something. I want to undergo electric shock therapy to get rid of this sexual and romantic thoughts. I don't deserve them and it has totally ruined my life. I CANNOT MAKE A DENT with any interaction I have with a woman. It just isn't fair anymore.

If that is impossible then I want to undergo a lobotomy. I don't want these thoughts anymore and I'd rather be a simpleton than have these thoughts despite having intelligence, values, principles, a clear vision of where I want to be in the future, hobbies, interests, and a passion for educating myself on philosophy and politics. Nup that ain't attractive at all.

I don't want anyone to say that I am just being defeatist. That's really disingenious and totally showing that you are not listening to me. Step into my shoes and walk for a week like me. Then you will see what my life is like. You will see all the rejection. You will see the pain. And then tell me I am being defeatist... I dare you.

"Hi Aaron how are you?"

"I feel great on this smashing day. It is so great to have the crushing weight of rejection and pain falling down on you, my dear Aaron".

"Lovely! I hope you do take care of yourself Aaron. Life can be quite confusing sometimes!"

"Truer words have never been spoken Aaron!"

I have been trying to prevent this for a while now but I have very little feeling in my heart anymore.

I am dead inside. I have lost a lot of empathy now because I have no soul anymore.

The fact that mental health organisations have failed men on this part is nothing short of embarrassing. I know we live in a patriarchy but men get left behind in patriarchies too. Particularly if you don't buy into their brand of masculinity.

I am really struggling right now and it doesn't help it when an organisation that is meant to be living up to these values ,"Acceptance, connection, support", it just makes things worse. I have had it. I have had it with fake people who think they are going to be there for me. I have had it with the amount of rejection I get and the fact I have to sexually repress myself just to get by. These sexual and romantic thoughts have ruined my life. They have destroyed my wellbeing and my resolve.

I'm never coming back.

Goodbye

@Former-Member

I deleted half my post yesterday because it seemed like I was oversharing but what the hell, it might be helpful or it might not, so take it (now a much, much longer extended version of it) or leave it as you like.

I used to be more active on these forums. Now I primarily just read topics of interest or to look in on the threads of people who I have come to care about to see how they're doing.

My issues and my communication style do not fit with the community here. When I was posting and wanting support/help, that used to bother me greatly and made me feel a hell of a lot worse than if I'd never posted at all. It appears to me that you have found yourself in a similar situation, and for that I truly am sorry. I don't have answers or solutions for you, as I had none for myself either.

I've come to accept that I just don't fit in with the community here, and that for me it's ok to leave when it doesn't work out. As isolating as it was to be further isolated by choosing to leave these forums, it was better for me to make this choice for myself than to choose to stay in a place that only exacerbated the problems I was having to begin with.

It doesn't mean that there's something wrong with me, something wrong with the other forum members, something wrong with the way the forums operate, or - if you identify with what I'm writing - something wrong with you. It's just the nature of nature, the way of the world.

If you also need to leave these forums or use them only as I do now, that is ok.

For other resources perhaps you could try Mensline (ph. 1300 78 99 78), or search online for any mens wellbeing groups in your area. You may also benefit from looking into videos of psychologist and professor Jordan B. Peterson on youtube as he addresses issues affecting young men today including some of the points that you have raised.

Whatever you decide, I wish you well.

Sorry for the delayed reply @Former-Member! Not my intention to leave you in the dark at all, a few of the other forum threads have been more active than usual so there have been a few other conversations that must've pushed your reply down in the notifications. That's cool that you play the Beatles! They have so many incredible songs. What's your favourite album to play from? And have you joined any of the other threads on the forums? One of the threads that a lot of people tend to hang out on is the Good Morning thread here. Other members may not always see a comment in your own thread, but if you jump into one of the communal threads like the one above, there's often someone else here who is happy to chat at nearly any time of the day. You're not alone in feeling rejected, and you're right about it being a common pain point for many men at the moment. Society has shifted in how we interact, especially with things like the internet and social media, and it's left plenty of people unsure how to navigate social situations. What things have you been working on over the years to help with your confidence and communication? There was a book recommended on here somewhere the other day, Social Intelligence by Daniel Goleman. He's a guy who wrote a bestselling book on emotional intelligence years ago, and he's supposed to have spent 6 years writing this latest one. Hope you've done something fun for yourself over the long weekend. And really sorry to hear you felt rejected on here, it must've been difficult posting what you did and then waiting to hear from someone without knowing if anyone is listening

Hi again @Former-Member, just noticed a few more people starting to post in this under-30s-thread as well. You mentioned you're 24, so if you'd like to get to know some more people around your age that's a good place to start

@TheVorticon

Thanks for the message, sorry if my response seems a little short but I am not sure what else I can add.

My style of communication requires seeing my body language. You will see that I am not as angry as my words seem to be. I am just cynical with this world and hate the fake and vapid nature of it all. However, I take your point though and I am considering it for now. I'll see how I navigate this downward spiral for now because I still need and crave some form of connection.

I am aware of Jordan Peterson. My gripe with him is that on some issues he can say some things that I totally agree with. However, his views on religion and politics makes me facepalm. He can be very disingenuous and has a habit of dodging questions with word salads. Also, for someone who despises post-modernism, he does make a habit of trying to redefine certain terms such as the idea of god. I seriously think if he is the best spokesman we have for young men's health, then we have to do A LOT better at advocating for it. I just don't take the guy seriously enough anymore.